I'm pretty sure I found the girl exactly for me.
She doesn't really know me yet. But were talking and I'm thinking there's something there.
Hope that doesn't sound too creepy. :)
Another OMG moment.
Softball is starting up again. Conditioning that is.
Today was the first day. I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda freaking out a little.
But as soon as I walked into the gym, saw all my teammates and my favorite coach, all the nervousness went away.
There was a lot of running but I felt great during it.
I went to the Polaris mall in Columbus today.
Normally, I hate the mall. But today was different.
I went to Hot Topic and got the exact wallet I wanted.
Also saw a "Lez Be Friends" shirt. Made me smile. :)
And amazingly, I saw about 4 or 5 gay couples.
It was AWESOME.
I love Columbus. Best city in Ohio.
So great day.
First off, I went to a party last night and it was fantastic.
It started on friday at 6 and I didn't get home until 4 the next day.
Next, my family and I went out to eat.
The waitress who served us looked and sounded exactly like Megan Fox.
Coolest thing ever. It made me smile.
Finally, We saw the movie Pirate Radio.
A fantastic combination of 60's British rock, amazing actors, and a little lesbian romance thrown in for good measure.
All in all, a successful evening. :D
I know New Years isn't for a few days but here they are anyway.
-Find a girl who treats me decently.
-Get in shape for softball.
-Get all A's the last 2 quarters of school.
-Obtain a high ACT score.
-Make it into Marching band next school year.
Pretty sure thats all of them.
I saw Fantastic Mr. Fox today.
Loved all the witty humor in it.
Saw my ex and half her family coming out of the theater after the movie.
Their car was parked diagonal to ours and I couldn't get the car started.
I love my cousins. They accept me even after I told them about my gayness.
But, the downside is that don't want to talk about it.
They can freely discuss their boyfriends and first kisses but I just sit and don't say anything.
Its so awkward.
I want to tell them.
I want them to care.
It doesn't matter though. Not like I need anyone else to know about how I'm an idiot when it comes to women...
Still kinda sucks though.
So I just had one of the best afternoons ever.
My friends and I were supposed to work on our roman project for english.
That didn't really happen. We instead went to Tyler (my only gay friend)'s friends house. Who turned out to be two lesbians. :)
Oh and a few of Tyler's gay boy friends came too.
So there were at least 7 gay people in the room at one time.
Never in my life has this happened. It was amazing.
And we were watching Inglorious Basterds which just makes it better.
Did I say that it was awesome??
Ever since Olivia called all I can think about are my failed relationships...
And I found one of Ally's old notes...
This isn't good.
So far my conclusion is this.
High school fucking sucks. And so does everyone in it.
Especially the girls. Because they feel like they can use me and get away with it.
Just because I easily fall for girls and trust easily does not mean that I can be a toy.
People are terrible. I want someone who actually respects me.
At least christmas will be here soon. Maybe Santa will leave me a girlfriend under the tree this year....
Telling me that she would be willing to go out with me if we snuck around her boyfriends back.
Saying she feels bad about what happened and that she likes me...
Also mentioning that she might break up with her boyfriend soon.
Am I supposed to crawl back to you just because your breaking up with your boyfriend??
I really wish she hadn't called...
Its snowing! Finally!
I love watching the snow fall in the morning.
My friend Hannah is feeling a lot better. She's been really sick for about a month. And shes coming over some time next week. :)
I got a lot of new music from my friend Grimace. I'm so excited.
Going to a family christmas party which is always great...
Oh yeah! I got a rainbow lanyard from my friend for christmas.
I get my permit in January and I need a place to put my keys. XD
Thats another thing. I'm almost allowed to drive!!!
AND ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!
So I was on Mugglenet.com, looking at cool stuff.
Somehow I made it to Ginny/Hermione fan fiction.
Haha some of them are truly awful. Written horribly.
There wasn't a point to this post.
Continue with your lives.
I love her so much.
We just had a half and hour conversation about everything that has happened to me recently.
And she totally understands! And listens. And isn't freaked out!!!!!!!!
Did I say how much I love her??
She even told me that in her sorority at college, she has a lesbian as a sister. And when I get to visit in February, I get to meet her!!!
I'm so excited. :)
Glad I mentioned all the drama that has happened to me. She has helped me so much.
Lalalalala I'm so happy. XD
So the past few days have been pretty monotonous.
I had a choir concert. It went well.
I have soooo much homework this weekend.... Its gonna be crazy.
Mostly been pretty happy. A little angry and sad at times over Olivia but I'm not thinking about her as much lately...
Now to explain the title.
Jess (who I think I've mentioned before) was confusing me today.
She's probably the biggest tease I know.
Anywho, today she told me "Carrie, you know I love you. Want me to prove it?"
Now my first thought was that it was a trick question.
She was obviously joking.
Last night I could not fall asleep.
I was up until 1 in the morning tossing and turning...
And today wasn't any better.
I want to be happy. I want to move on... I really do. But all I can be is sad...
Hate this situation.
I feel like a slut... Honestly if I could undo what I did... I would. In a heartbeat.
And apparently Jess talked to Olivia. And Olivia told her everything. And I mean everything.
I'm beyond mortified...
Why would Olivia do that??
Why would she want anyone else to know what happened??
It just doesn't make sense....
I'm sorry to confuse you guys with all this Olivia drama.
But you will never guess what happened.
The day after Olivia and I spent the afternoon together, she starts going out with some guy.
So today I was all mopey at school. Couldn't believe that I had been used again by another girl...
After school, on myspace, she messaged me and told me she was upset because I had posted that I was sad.
You're upset?? The girl I lost my virginity to decided to go out with some guy the day after! And then say that she is upset because I told her that she used me!
So... My afternoon started off with Olivia and I playing Super Smash Bros on Wii. Romantic right? She started to cuddle in close to me. Partly because the heat in my house was turned off.
After a few rounds, we started kissing... Suddenly all thought of playing video games was out of my mind. The only people besides us in the house was my dad. (He was in the basement and he made it quite clear that he wouldn't bother us. My dad is totally cool about all of this.)