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Caution. This contain explicit material.



So... Olivia and I had sex.

And it was awesome.

I was really nervous and probably sucked but I don't care.

It was freaking fantastic.


I don't know where our relationship is at the moment but I'm cool with it.

Whatever happens happens. :)

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Oh Tegan and Sara...

Not only are you both very cute but your music basically describes my life at the moment.

And currently, I'm confused as hell.

Olivia sat with me at lunch today.

And is chatting with my on Facebook and such...

I guess we're friends...?

Have a feeling that I will never be able to figure out girls in high school.

College maybe I might have a chance.

On another note, I have an algebra test tomorrow so I'm doing a butt load of practice problems. The chapter itself is 82 pages long!!!! There's ten sections in it. Crazy.

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Damn you Karma!

I'm sick.

Olivia got me sick.

So not only do I get passed over so she can be with some other dude... I'm sick.

Damn you Karma!!!

I should probably stop making out with strangers...

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Nice Soft Hits.

Say that really fast and what does it sound like?




It seems that whenever I like someone, they either like someone else or just don't like me in general.

Do I smell?

Is there something about me that just naturally repels people...

I don't understand...

Believe that's enough self pity for one day.

Now I'm gonna go read and stuff. Lol...

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Anyone watching the new episodes?

Its soooo different.

Kinda cool... but... Odd.

Still hilarious.

I need to watch the last season again though because I'm confused...

So this post was honestly about nothing.... Except...



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I need....

Popcorn. My comfort food.

I also need to turn off my thoughts.

Thank god I still have another day of break tomorrow.

There is no way that I could survive...

With my ex, Olivia, Jess.... Jesus.

I can't go back!!

Too many people I don't want to see.

All I can think is how shitty everything has turned out.

And my brain is reminding me of all this shit.

This sucks.

(I've noticed that my last few journals have been a lot of whining, oops)

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Of course...

Olivia likes another guy.

I'll explain what went down.

She and I were in her room. (3 guesses as to what we were doing)

And I kinda let slip that I like her.

We stop kissing and she gives me this look....

She says that there's this guy...

Me being the "nice" person that I am say I'm totally cool with the situation...

My face turns 3 billion shades of red and it sucks...

Then I was forced to have a "fun family night out" when really all I wanted to do was sulk.

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So... What now...?

What do I do now?

With Olivia... Shes one of those girls who isn't out. (She's bi)

So nothing at school...

This afternoon, after out little session... We didn't really talk about what would happen after...

Possibly... Was I a booty call? lol.

I guess more like a friends with benefits?

I dunno.

I mean I like her, she's kinda odd but in a cool way.

Don't think I want a relationship with her...

I dunno.

Should I talk to her? Or just kinda not over think it?

I'm kinda confused right now...

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Holy Shit Guys.

So pretty much just had the best afternoon ever.

Throughout the movie I made many pitiful attempts to hold Olivia's hand.

It finally worked.

Then it was like... bam we're kissing.

Pretty freaking fantastic.

Then we got back to my house... thankfully my parents were out shopping.

We pretty much made out in the basement for an hourish....

I seriously can't wipe the smile off my face right now.

That's pretty much the farthest I've ever gotten with a girl...


Totally freaking awesome...

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Date? Or not?

I'm going to see New Moon with Olivia.

As friends...?

I know its not a date but I kinda wish it was.

Although I was talking to her and she asked if my boyfriend would be okay with it.

Haha I told her I was gay and its cool...

Now I'm not sure if I should make a move or not...

Probably not.

I should be smart about this.

Lol I won't.

Anyway. Hope the movie is okay.

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Fun Family Thanksgiving.

I came out to my cousin and her girlfriend.

It was kind of embarrassing but cool at the same time.

Never actually met a gay person in real life before...

And Karen, the girlfriend, is amazingly nice and sweet.

She has a daughter who is also cute and nice.

I just played battleship and life with her. Lol.

And they asked me if I wanted to come to their lesbian book club sometime.

Almost jumped for joy at the thought. Lol.

Probably the greatest part of today was the way they act.

They kiss and hold hands like its totally normal.

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I'm just sitting here crying...

Yeah this afternoon sucked.

My morning was just fine...

Really it was all during eighth period.

Before class I was chilling at Jess's locker, just talking.

My ex walks by and gives me this glare and says something I can't hear... She is such a bitch sometimes...

Then during gym, Jess asked what was wrong cause I was all mopey...

I told her about the ex thing and she gave me this hug... Oh man...

Somehow her hands made it to my lower back... And... Just wow.

I felt amazing.

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I feel like...

Such a whore.

I like too many girls!!! Lol.

Like this girl from the Teen Advisory Board, Jennie.

Oh man is she cute! Honestly... Like wow.

And she laughs at my jokes. :))) Even the stupid ones.

Her laugh... Okay I should stop.

I've been slowly getting to know her.

But TAB is like an alternate universe... Sometimes friendships don't work out outside of the library...

So I'm afraid that if I try to be her friend outside of the Board everything will go wrong.

Pretty sure I should just stay her very casual friend...

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My ex unfriended me on Facebook.


Now I don't have to be nice to her!!

Lol this sounds mean but this is a step in the right direction.

My day is starting to have an upturn.

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I hate being sick. =/

I felt like I was going to puke in Spanish this morning. And the cramps don't help either...


At least I get to stay home...

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