carmen143's picture

So I'm trying...

To talk things out with her.

Its not working.

Now I feel like a creeper...

God can I do nothing right???

But also why do I care so much.

I'm sorry you guys have to read my ramblings about insecurities.

I wish I was more confident... Ha ha like that will happen. XD

But on a happy note I went to a volleyball game.

Girls running around in small spandex shorts= Great night.

To answer your question why yes I am a perv. Lol...

But thats it... Night Oasis.

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Oh Geez... Patheticness.

I should explain.

Today in gym Jess was wearing sweatpants over these extremely short shorts.

She said to me "Carrie look at this weird thing on my leg!"

She basically showed me really REALLY high on her thigh...

Oh geez.

I seriously needed some alone time after that. Lol.

If that wasn't enough.

She keeps saying things like "You know you want my bod."

I really want to say "Um... HELL YES!!"

Even though that would be awkward.

And she always stands really close... I can smell her perfume. Its amazing...

Besides stalkerish information...

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So Today In Hell.... I Mean Gym Class.

Jess was very touchy feely.

Pretty epic.

Any physical contact with a very sexy lady is a win.

That was the good part.

***Bad part***

Jess and her friend... Apparently there have been rumors that they were bi.

She flat out said "No I'm straight" and went on a homophobic rant...

I was really pissed.

First off, can no one in high school be god damn accepting for once!!!!?!?!?

And also I was planning on coming out to her...

Yeah that's not happening, ever.

She and her friend were just homophobic the rest of class...

I was disappointed...

carmen143's picture

Well... That was interesting.

I just talked to Laurel.

Without hesitation.

Without insecurity.

Epic win.

Now I just have to play it cool tomorrow and the rest of the week.

Hopefully my ex hasn't ruined my life at school yet...

Its sick how she has so much power over me...


I just have to man up and take what she dishes out.

I'm going to ignore the hell outta her!! XD

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Girltrash and SOW.

I'm having a very Lesbian evening.

First I watched Girltrash!! XD

Does anyone know if its supposed to go from episode 1 to episode 10??


Now I'm watching season 2 of South of Nowhere.

I'm glad someone has a good relationship.

Me thinks I shall live vicariously through them. XD

Yay for Splashley getting together!

carmen143's picture

Fuck It All.

I Hate everyone right now.

Especially myself and even more so my horrible bitch of an ex.

She decided to post on Facebook that I'm a whore...

She also told me that all the teachers were saying I was "trampy".

Her mom is a teacher so I guess she knows everything...

I'm trying to let it not effect me.


Its really really difficult.

I pretty much broke down into hysterics and I refuse to talk to anyone about it.

I hate it...

There goes all my confidence I gained at Homecoming...



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Homecoming. Better Than Expected.

Ahahahah YES!

Jess danced with me. XD

Well technically she came up to me and grinded on me.

Which was AWESOME!!!

But this was at the end of Homecoming.

I did have to witness her and her dick of a boyfriend all night... Ugh.

But it payed off in the end!


Oh and I got to wear my best friend's tie.

Green and black stripes.

Matched my black dress and green streaks in my hair. XD XD XD

Epic epic epic win.

Best dance I've ever been to.

carmen143's picture

We're perfect for each other...

And you don't even know it.

I would gladly skip Homecoming and watch Monsters vs. Aliens with you.


I hate dancing and love animated movies...

We like the same types of music... I think your hilarious and cute.

Yet... You have no idea.


Even though I'm really really obvious about my feelings for you...


You should feel special.

I've made about ten to twelve journals about you. Lol.

carmen143's picture

Random Thoughts.

There are these two girls.

One I'm pretty sure I love her.

She's sweet and cute and wonderful. Lol. That's Laurel.

Then there's Jess.

Smoking hot, total bad girl.

Complete opposites.

Yet I'm attracted to both.


But with Laurel. I like her. A lot.

Jess I'm pretty sure its just lust.

I'm fifteen okay? Cut me some slack!

(Another funny thing, they both don't know I'm gay.)

So random post, I know, but I'm a random thinker. XD

carmen143's picture

Has Anyone Seen Whip It? (And if you haven't still read this journal)

Because its one of the best movies I've seen in awhile. XD

Ellen Page is a goddess.

Honestly she's fucking gorgeous. *Drools*

Anywho, Apparently its a book too!!

I'm about to reserve it at the library.

So just in case you were wondering...


(Oh and the music in it is amazing!!!)

Notice the multiple explanation points here people. Lol.

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Don't Read This.

You Rebel!! Lol anyway...

So I felt like punching someone all day.

I've had a crushing realization.

Part 1:

My ex is better friends with Laurel than I am. Which I find really ironic.

Part 2:

My "friendship" with Laurel is so not real. Its fragile. I'm afraid that as soon as the semesters over so is our "friendship".

Part 3:

She never talks to me. We aren't friends. We never will be. Also, she'll never like me as more than an acquaintance.

The only good part of my day was this girl Jess in my gym class.

I think I might've mentioned her before.

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Emily + Naomi = Awesomeness

Just finished watching the "Naomi" episode of Skins.


I wish I had a hottie like Emily to fall in love with me...

She's my favorite character on the show right now.

I need to find more time to watch that show....

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Yay Half Days!!!

In case you didn't understand the title we only had to go to school half day today. :P

So I actually had the courage to say hi to Laurel in the hallway.

Awesome right?

No. False.

She didn't say anything. Didn't make eye contact or anything.

I mean I know I'm short but she's only taller by a few inches.

*Head/desk Head/desk Head/desk*

The one time I have the balls to say anything to her I get nothing.

I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing but I'm good at it. Lol.

But the weird thing is she talked to me in keyboarding class... Weird.

carmen143's picture

I don't feel like a title so feel free to add one yourself.

Okay so a pretty good day of sorts.

I handed out my cd's to my friends and Laurel.

Yes I made my crush a cd. Cliche right?

Anywho school was boring as usual but Glee is on tonight!!! Yay!!!

But more on Laurel. Lol

I've noticed that whenever I talk to her I dunno what to say.

I think awesome stuff, witty and humorous.

Sadly, those never make it out of my mouth.

All that happens is my cheeks flush and my heart beats really fast...

Gah! Frustration. *Head/Desk*

I almost came out to her on Facebook last night.

But as I was typing she said she had to go...

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Learning German with My Crush.

Laurel and I have been talking on Facebook for a good 2 hours now.

Its amazing.

Bliss is the only way to describe it.

Anyway she's teaching me sweet german phrases like:

"Speck" = Bacon
"Was" = What the heck?
"Ausfallen" = Fail

Amazing amazing amazing....

Great day. XD

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