I shall go in entirely random order because that's about how my brain is working right now.
I'm gonna be Bellatrix Lestrange for Halloween, and I got this awesome corset from Hot Topic for the costume. (For those of you who don't know, I am not the Hot Topic type. The employees gave me weird looks when I walked in--like "Um, I think you're in the wrong place.") And this morning I decided that it was too cute to wait for Halloween so I wore it today. And got a ton of compliments. And K was like "Hey it's really cute!" and like felt the bottom hem of it for no apparent reason. ^^
i just had a maybe-revelation.
so how i said in my previous journal (like half an hour ago) that K was being cryptic about something she wanted to tell me and i felt like maybe it was that she was bi/lez?
now that school's started i don't know how much i'll be on here. especially since i'll be joining the GSA this year. and i haven't been feeling very angsty recently. (that's good right?) but i promise i'll keep y'all updated on anything major, and i'll check in at least once a week. just, i might not answer PMs in the best time.
...i think that's about it.
I didn't do it!! She just got in her car and drove away, and I didn't tell her. We hung out for like four hours, and I didn't tell her. I knew exactly what I was gonna say, and I couldn't do it. What the hell is wrong with me?? Am I really afraid of rejection like that?? I feel like what I'm doing is prolonging our friendship, because I think that telling her is gonna change things permanently, and I feel like it's for the worse. But GODDAMNIT I'm so pissed at myself for not telling her! I need a friend who knows about it who can make me tell her.
I'm in a really crummy mood right now. I have no idea why. I had a good day, I'm not PMSing (cuz I know *someone* was gonna ask)...I dunno.
I just feel really down, and alone, and hopeless-ish. I guess it could be due to the fact that I haven't gotten in a decent texting convo with K in like 2 days, but I hope that's not it, it would be bad if she has that much of an effect on me.
What to say!! Just finished it...wow. I can't believe I never saw this before! I didn't expect to like it so much. Just...wow.
I loved Angel! And Mimi and poor Collins. Especially Angel.
...I'm unusually speechless right now.
I'm back on FB now, if anyone's interested. Here I am, http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=732837877&ref=name#/profile.php?i....
I'm gonna say though that I'm not into spending a ton of time there. It's mostly for convenience's sake.
I freaking hate soccer. K can't ever do anything because of it! She was gonna come camping with me and my family, but she has a tournament game the day we leave so she can't come. I mean, I knew from the start there was a good chance that she wasn't gonna be able to come, but (as I only do in matters of the heart) I let myself be optimistic. And now...disappointment. I was so looking forward to going camping with her. We would've shared a tent, gotten to talk...I could've, maybe, told her how I feel.
...but i still need advice about K. here's a link to my original post... http://www.oasisjournals.com/2009/07/ok-how-to-tell-her-please-help
I've been a member for 10-odd weeks now. When am I going to graduate to months? XD
ohhh my god. i just had the craziest family dinner ever.
+my grandma lives in new york, upper east side. she's rather a typical grandma, technologically challenged, caring, fussy, and a tad embarrassing in public.
+my aunt (well, one of them, but i won't be mentioning the others) is a little unusual. she's a runner, fine, but she's crazy about it--she's like 5'4" or something and only weighs 100lbs. yes, she is kind of "built like that" anyway, but she's neurotic about her health.
o-kay...so, i've finally decided to tell K i like her, but i'm not sure how. should i just come out and tell her, or should i just flirt with her (more than usual) and let her figure it out or what?
...i have no idea how to do this. plus i'm scared i'm gonna lose my best friend. but i'm tired of wishing she was mine.
any advice on how to tell her, or just in general?
The last few times I've gotten together with my big group of friends have been extremely frustrating. The last two times, we've played Truth or Dare. Fun game, right? And it is, we have a blast. But I always end up disappointed.
Every time I go, I do Truth, not because I don't like doing dares but because there are two truths that I want to share but don't want to bring up myself. When one of the two girls that I've come out to in this group goes, I try to tell them with my eyes, Ask me! But of course they never do. And when the opportunity presents itself, I chicken out.
I had a dream last night that was something I've been wishing and wishing to happen. Firstly, (in the dream) one of my friends joined Oasis. I remember in the dream her username was Michelleasusual or something. Anyways, she commented on one of my posts, one of my angsty why-doesn't-K-love-me ones, but not one where I mentioned "K", so she was like, "Um, what were you talking about here?" I told her to read my other posts and if she figured out who K was to please not say anything. Then, later on in the dream, K herself was like, "Isn't Oasis that site you're on?
So, I'm reading this book called The Full Spectrum (thus the post title), it's a collection of essays and poems edited by David Levithan (who rocks) and Billy Merrell (who I've never heard of before). (It's really good and if you haven't read it I highly suggest it.) Anywhoo, I'm reading along, laughing, gasping, and getting nervous and angry at all the right moments, and I stumble across this story called "A Story Called 'Her'". And this story really touched me. It reminded me poignantly of my current situation, but also gave me hope.