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You're not going to believe this. I don't even believe this.

I, Super Duck, queen of social awkwardness, am possibly/probably/hopefully hanging out with the girl I like this weekend. Wait... What's that noise? The sound of all of your jaws collectively hitting the floor in shock? Yeah, I'm pretty shocked too. It's just coffee, and I don't even know if it's a "date" or not, so I'm hesitant to call it that.

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Greetings from college!

I've been here about a week now, and I love it so far. (Disregarding that one crappy party, haha.) Everyone on my floor is awesome. We do everything together. But they're kind of my only friends except for that one girl from the Facebook group, so I think I need to branch out a little since I'm with them 24/7. My classes are going decently so far too. I don't hate any of them that much yet. The only real complaints I have are that it's really, really hard to shave my legs in the dimly lit showers and sometimes I forget to eat unless someone invites me out.

And can I just say that the girls here are unbelievably attractive? I'm like a freakin' kid in a candy store! Sometimes when I'm walking to class, I'll try to count the hot girls, but I'll always lose count. There's even a hot girl on my floor. I didn't see much of her for a few days, but now she has started hanging out with the rest of us, so yay! I also once saw a hot girl wearing a pro-gay shirt, and I've noticed her around campus a few times since then. And also, I joined several clubs at the club fair thing, and I happened to see the name of this really hot bi girl from the Facebook group on one of the mailing lists, so there's a chance I could get to talk to her soon. Now that would be amazing.

But I write because I have encountered... a problem.

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I'm very tired of having my usual icon.

It reminded me of high school, so I changed it.

A couple weeks ago, I made a post about how my sister almost ruined my mom's relationship, but I deleted it because it was really angry and also because my mom and her boyfriend made up. To condense the story, he's been in North Carolina for his job, and he and my mom want to live there permanently, so they have been looking at houses there together. My mom has been saying for months now that she was going to move there as soon as our house sold. But now, just to appease my sister, she's going to postpone it a year. (She won't just leave my sister with my dad because she thinks he has too much on his plate with his fiancee's two really obnoxious kids.)

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Where no one knows my name

Tonight is my last night in Boston for about two months until I move in for school. Unfortunately, I made the grave mistake of wearing cute shoes to orientation, so my feet were too blistered to do any last-minute exploring today. I'm not really used to walking everywhere since I live in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and there isn't exactly anything to walk to. But I like the walking because then I don't feel so bad if I have a cookie or a soda or something. And also I hate driving more than anything ever, so there's that. (Is it even possible to gain the Freshman 15 at a school here? I think you'd have to actively try to do it. So much walking.) I'm finally getting enough water here, too, I think. I'm bad about not getting enough, but all of the walking kinda necessitates it. And the best part of all is that the tap water is actually drinkable. (The tap water in my hometown is disgusting, and in the bigger-but-still-tiny nearby town, it's actually brown! Ewww.) After I move here, I will probably never feel fat again, haha.

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Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great.

I definitely wish I had ended my speech with that, haha.

So, I graduated! Everything went surprisingly well. (The hat and I were absolutely not friends, though. It messed up my hair so much.) Giving the salutatory speech was beyond nervewracking, though. When I got onstage and looked out into the audience, for some reason, I thought this girl in the very back was FCG, so it freaked me out big time. I later discovered that the girl was not, in fact, FCG, but I couldn't tell that from the stage. (It was possible that she could've been there. She's apparently still friends with IG.) Despite my nerves, I actually gave the speech with minimal problems. I messed up once because I started reading the wrong line, but it was only a little mistake, so it wasn't that big a deal. And I didn't trip going up the steps or walking across the stage!

A lot of the other girls cried, but I didn't. I'm so glad to get out of there. I can't even begin to put the feeling into words.

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Better Things

I've had an eventful past couple of weeks, I suppose. Guess whose last day of high school is May 8th!? MINE! And only Tuesday day is a full day. Monday is a half day, and Wednesday is like one class only. Graduation isn't until the week after next, but my last day of actual classes is the 8th. After that, there's only the AP English exam. And now I don't have to go into school until 10 a.m. because my dual enrollment class ended. It doesn't feel like this is actually happening to me, you know?

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A good thing actually happened to me?

I got my third college acceptance letter last week, so that was nice. I am not going to that school, though, but I'm still glad I got accepted. I know I'm not going to that one because on Saturday morning, I got a fourth letter. This one was from Boston University. Not only did I get into BU, but I also got their Presidential Scholarship along with an absolutely AMAZING financial aid package. I'm so happy!

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I really wish I would just stop.

Well, things are not so bland anymore at all. Wow. And yes, this is related to The Girl, but it's bad for me. There has been a new... development, so to speak. It won't get out of my head. I learned a hard lesson this week, friends: IGNORANCE IS BLISS!

This post is long and kinda weird, just so you know. I'll be impressed if you read it all. I needed to write it out because I think I will go insane if I don't. I kind of feel like I will anyway, which is terrible because I only have 2 and a half more months of school left! I can't go insane now. I'm almost home-free, almost to somewhere normal, but it's like the universe can't let me out of here I without one last really stupid obstacle.

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I don't even know

Things continue to be very bland. I had kind of a field trip yesterday, so that was good. There's another one coming up soon too. It's not too exciting because these involve actually doing work and also that girl I think I might like a little isn't in the clubs or classes that get to go. Still, it's always nice to get out of that miserable school for a day.

I started counting my calories a few weeks ago. I'm not necessarily on a "diet," really. I simply make sure I don't eat over a certain number of calories per day. (I ruined it yesterday with seasoned fries and Mr. Pibb, though. Seasoned fries and Mr. Pibb is the snack of the gods. Actually, I think it's called Pibb Xtra now, but I distinctly remember it being called Mr. Pibb at one point, and I feel dumb saying "Pibb Xtra.") A few times a week I exercise too. But, I don't have any place to do it except outside, and I kind of hate it because neighbors bother me when I am clearly quite busy. I've lost some weight, I think. I'm not really all that interested in the number on the scale, so I haven't been checking that too much. I'm mainly interested in how my clothes fit and how I look instead. My wretched school uniform skirt is baggier than usual. Very nice.

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Super Duck does something dumb, part 13094289

Except for when I was sick, things have been decent lately. I accidentally got an award I thought I wasn't eligible for, and I found out my tentative financial aid amount from one of my top choice colleges. Some more stuff has to be processed for it to be totally finalized, but it's pretty good, even though it doesn't cover everything, of course. I'm not special enough to get a free ride, haha. Knowing that I'm probably going to get to go is the most comforting feeling in the world, though. Like, I can't even put it into words. I'm a little scared to get excited until it's finalized, but I can't help but be excited some.

Even though things are decent, they're also kinda bland. I really don't know what to say. I just feel like I should write something here, so I'm just gonna talk about some unrelated stuff, I guess.

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So...

I haven't posted in a while. Not much happened, but I guess I have some stuff I can write about now, though. There's some bad stuff and some good stuff. I guess maybe I should say the good stuff first and then the bad because the bad involves death, and that's always kind of heavy.

My school names its valedictorian and salutatorian after the first semester. I don't know why it does that so early, but it does, and apparently it always has. Today at school, I was told to write a speech because I'm officially the salutatorian.

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And I'll be holding all the tickets, and you'll be owning all the fines.

I've had an emotional roller coaster of a week. On Thursday night, I had one of the best moments of my entire life, but tonight was... painful. I feel a bunch of different things right now.

For most of my life, a lot of the people I've known, with the exception of my parents, my grandpa, and a select few friends, have always told me I couldn't. I couldn't leave here, I couldn't be successful, I couldn't do this, I couldn't do that. But on Thursday night, the good people in an admissions office in Boston decided that I could. I had to read their decision three times before I was able to comprehend that it was real. Even then, I still checked it again later to make sure. I've never been so happy in all my life. It's more than a college acceptance letter, you know? It's a door leading out of here, which is all I've really wanted for years. It's the one thing I've always needed. (And I should have some more coming over the next few months!)

And tonight, I was reminded of just how much I've always needed that letter.

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According to my sister, I am a wonderful gay unicorn.

My sister is 9 years old. She has absolutely no clue that I like girls. But I was on the phone this evening, and I was laughing at this ridiculous story one of my friends (who is a gay guy) was telling, and she said, "I bet you're on the phone with ____ because you two are the gay unicorns!"

...What. I have never been allowed to tell her because of her age, so I just laughed it off, and my mom heard, and now we are both very confused at what just happened. All this child officially knows is that I "never want a boyfriend!"

In other news, I keep trying to write stuff, but I don't understand. I have this ongoing internal monologue that sounds halfway intelligent, but whenever I sit down to write anything, I sound like a drunk 5-year-old or something.

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11/23/2012

I have to visit family for the holiday. I have been at my grandparents' house most of the time. More on that in a minute. I hated staying there when I was 5, and I hate it even more at 18. I have years' worth of horrible childhood memories involving my mom dragging me all the way here, then leaving me to be bored at the house for days while she went out. I did not throw very many fits when I was little, but nothing would set me off quite like being loaded up in the car to come here! I hated it like you wouldn't even believe, but could you blame me? My grandpa isn't so bad, but my grandma is naggy and super negative and almost completely insufferable. 

But this week, I learned something that changed my entire perception of all those bad times I had here.

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Am I being unreasonable, or is it totally okay to be angry?

At the risk of sounding like a stereotypically dramatic teenage girl, I really cannot stand my "best friend" at the moment. She's been pissing me off a lot this schoolyear, but what she did last week is the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. She made me do our entire two-person project all by myself because she was sick the week before last and never bothered to contact me regarding the project, which she knew all about, then skipped school almost all last week to avoid responsibility. She was fine the weekend of the 3rd, but avoided school almost every day last week anyway. I asked her to please show up on the day the project was due so she could at least help me present it, but she said no quite rudely and, of course, failed to show up. At least now everyone else who is in the class also thinks she is an ultrabitch too. Hmm, Ultrabitch is a good nickname for her for the sake of this post. Yes.

But she treats me like shit most of the time. She's mean to my other friend too, who has joined me in avoiding her. She yells at anyone who disagrees with her about anything and says they are stupid. She has this obsession with hating the "stupid," but the more I think about it, the more I don't understand.

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