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You Are Not the King of Cartoons

Today started out SUCKING. I went to the DMV, and I brought all my papers and stuff. I got there, and the lady at the counter checked my papers. She said I had everything I needed, but they told me to come back this afternoon because they were going to be super busy training people to drive buses and shit...

Then, I went back to school, and chemistry class happened. That always sucks, but today it sucked even more. My idiot teacher assigned us problems last night that dealt with stuff we didn't cover in class. We couldn't find examples of it in the textbook either. She then proceeded to yell at the class because it apparently dealt with something we learned back in fucking October or something. She was getting mad at everyone as she walked by checking homework.

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I spanked FCG.

YES, REALLY. Hahahaha! I didn't like, bend her over the desk and pull up her skirt and tell her she was a naughty girl who needed a punishment or anything like that. I was just in an advantageous situation today!

I was sitting at my desk. FCG was up and standing in front of me. She was singing loudly and dancing and shaking her ass about two inches away from my face. Suddenly, a BRILLIANT idea came to me!

Me: FCG...
((FCG doesn't answer))
Me: FCG! Your butt is like, RIGHT in my face.
((FCG is still singing too loudly to notice))
Me: Fine... ((reaches out and lightly smacks FCG's ass))
((FCG STILL doesn't notice!))
Me: YOUR BUTT IS IN MY FACE.
FCG: Hahahaha, I'm sorry!
Me: No, it's okay! I just thought you might like to be aware.

IG stole her for most of the class period and touched her hair so that I couldn't, which was SOOO not cool, but I still did get to talk to her a bit. We somehow got into a discussion about how we can't understand the appeal of people eating fried animal testicles.

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Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do the Princess

(Oh, how I love you, Instant Title Generator.)

"Let's go eat lunch and then get that wire in my car looked at" DOES NOT MEAN "Why yes, Granny, I would LOVE to spend 4 hours driving you all over the universe for every single thing you can think of, even though you are in town every day anyway."

THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE TWO PHRASES.

Then she got all bitchy and wouldn't talk the whole way home because I asked if she really needed to go to K-mart. At least I got free gas out of the whole thing...

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Some delicious stupidity.

Guy Best Friend has a new girlfriend. According to Facebook, she likes the Scott Pilgrim series, so she's probably cool. I'm sure if I text him and am all, "DUDE YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND!" he'll be all, "YES, NOW YOU NEED ONE. GO GET FCG!" like the last time we talked. Haha.

Girl Best Friend thinks I should kick my sister in the face for being such a brat. We had a huge conversation about it yesterday. According to my mom, I'm an 8-year-old because I don't want Brat Sister's grubby hands all over me. Ugh. I really am getting sick of my mom and Brat Sister.

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Postcards From the Queen: Toilets Agree to Disagree

My room smells digsusting. I don't understand... There isn't anything in here to make it smell so bad. I have smelled every single thing in here and can't find the source of it at all. It only smells gross at the doorway, but there's absolutely nothing by the doorway to make it smell the way it does. Febreeze has done nothing. I can't make it stop smelling so gross. I am so confused. Also, this time change has me allll messed up. I am never tired or hungry when I should be.

Anyway, so I don't have much to talk about since it's Spring Break. My life is very non-interesting. No FCG + neverending amounts of Brat Sister and Mom = VERY unhappy Super Duck. My sister threw a giant fit tonight because her tooth was loose, and I told her to pull her own tooth. (There is no way in hell you could get me to reach into that child's garbage disposal-esque mouth. Well, maybe if you promised to take me to the Japanese restaurant for shrimp tempura rolls and/or promised to let me see FCG.) She then called our grandma, so Granny came over. Then, Brat Sister grabbed Granny's phone and changed the settings on it. Granny fails at technology, so I changed it back for her, and Brat Sister screamed, cried, and tried to beat me up. Umm... What?

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of the World Wide Web

The kitty came home today! He's all better now. He got special food from the vet to keep him from having those weird blockages again. He whined the whole way home... Haha, he hates the car. It also didn't help that my sister kept poking her fingers into his cage and yelling and trying to shove things between the bars. I asked her to stop bothering the kitty, so she then proceeded to swing a fucking necklace into my arm, which hurt like you wouldn't even believe. But the kitty is okay now! Yay kitty!

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Kitty updates, dreams, and small rantings.

The kitty is feeling better. I visited him after school today. I didn't get to hold him since he was hooked up to so many tubes and stuff, but I got to scratch his ears (he loves that) and talk softly to him. He's so funny looking with all these random patches of fur shaved off... Hehe. I'm so glad he made it, though. I can't imagine life without my crazy little fuzzball. It's currently super weird not having to go feed him twice a day. Earlier I kept thinking that I needed to feed him, but he's not in his little room, of course... He tried to stand up in his cage at the vet's but couldn't do it too well because of all the tubes. He HATES those tubes, by the way. He kept trying to eat them. He'll get to come home in the next couple of days.

There was a sad kitty in the cage next to him. This one was big and fluffy and solid black, and he was super lonely. He kept staring at my mom and me and mewing and pawing at us. I think he wanted some ear-scratchings too, but we didn't pet him since he wasn't ours.

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Kitty. :'(

So, today was both good and bad yet again, except this time, the bad was REALLY bad.

My kitty isn't very old. He's about 4, and he hasn't ever had any major health issues. He also occasionally manages to slip out of the house and wanders away, but he always comes back when food is poured. I couldn't find him this morning when I went to feed him, and there was a small pool of dried vomit in his bowl. He throws up a lot, so I didn't think anything was wrong, except the vomit was (Sorry, this is gross!) dark grey and super chunky instead of the usual brown. I cleaned the bowl and gave him some new food, but he still didn't show up. I showed my mom the vomit bowl before I cleaned it, and she went to check on him before she left this morning. She found him shivering under a cushion. She said he looked like he was dying. And... he was. The vet said he would have been dead by Friday morning at the latest if my mom hadn't brought him in. Right now he's in the kitty hospital. Something became lodged in one of the tubes leading from his bladder, and his kidneys were swelling and shutting down.

I didn't know he was sick. He wasn't even acting strange until today. I feel so bad for not noticing. How could I not have realized my baby was dying? I feel like a failure as a cat owner... But he wasn't walking like he was in pain or meowing strangely or crying when he used the litterbox or anything like that. There was one day recently that he didn't drink much water, come to think of it, but that was just one day.

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Guitars Killed the Dinosaurs

Today was both good and terrible at the same time. The good news? I only have 3 and a half days of school this week, and one of my teachers won't be there this whole week. The bad news? Everything else.

It's Monday. There's an economics test soon. My throat is becoming sore. I ate too much today and now feel like I weigh a thousand pounds. After spring break, there will only be one more quarter of school left, and although I hate school with a fiery passion and wish it would go die alone and unloved in a hole, the end of school means FCG disappearing. Speaking of FCG, IG stole her attention a lot today. Also, my mom bitched me out for 30 minutes, but I'll get to that later.

So, today, IG was making fun of FCG's boobs. That is actually a lot less weird than it sounds, but it was upsetting FCG...

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Calculators Are Excellent Cooks

I had a lovely day today except for a small side order of seething white-hot rage graciously given to me by, of course, Mrs. History Teacher. (Who else!?) Why was today so great? Well...

FCG: Hey, Super Duck?
Me: Yes?
FCG: Would you be willing to do me a favor?
Me: Of course! What is it?
FCG: ...Play with my hair?
Me: YES!

She NEVER asks me to do it! Usually if I touch her hair, it's because I asked if I could. But today she asked me to! And it wasn't even because IG didn't want to do it! IG did it later after my arm got tired. But I had FCG and her amazing hair all to myself. I talked to her for a little while completely uninterrupted by IG since she was busy talking to British Girl. It made this uber slow week totally worth it.

Me: ((gently runs fingers through FCG's hair)) I love your hair. I also may be slightly obsessed with the texture of it. It's amazing.
FCG: Haha, aww, thank you, Super Duck!
Me: Ahhh, I know that probably makes me weird, but oh well! ((continues to stroke FCG's hair))
FCG: No, I don't think you're weird at all!

<3 FCG. I wonder if she'd be okay with it if I just randomly touched her hair every day.

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You Make Me Feel Like The Swedish Bikini Team

I scratched FCG's back for literally like, 15 minutes today. Haha, she never asked me to stop, so I just kept going until class ended.... She was begging and begging for someone to scratch her back, and I volunteered because IG wouldn't do it. I think the teacher thought I was weird. Oh, well! The teacher was all, "NO, EVERYONE GO FINISH YOUR WORK!" but I had already finished. She didn't really argue with that and decided to leave me alone.

FCG's happiness is way more important than some stupid questions on a story, anyway. I touched her hair some too. I just stood there scratching her back as she worked on the questions. I love it when I get to be all close to her like that; it just feels right. She said IG had turned evil and mean for not volunteering, but she was glad that she still had me to scratch her back. Aww, my freakazoid is the cutest thing everrrr! I just want to hug her until the universe explodes. :D

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Attack of Austin Powers: Spices Feel the Love

So, as you guys know, I'm on the school newspaper. I am currently the official proofreader. Bleh, my job sucks since we never have anything interesting to write about. (Maybe we should do an article about FCG!) I had to read an article by this freshman girl today... It really sat the wrong way with me, but I can't express my rage offline since the teacher in charge will think I'm a whiny douchebag who thinks the world is going to end because someone has a different opinion. I still don't feel good about it, though.

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SLOWEST WEEK EVER.

I overslept today. This made me miss a Mrs. History Teacher rant about how we all suck at life and don't deserve to be called AP students. Wow, I'm glad I got some extra rest, then. Hahaha. Also, my chemistry teacher went CRAZY today. She was jumpy and spazzy and nervous and afraid we'd all cheat on a little quiz, even though she has never cared when it's a big test. Every single thing made her freak out and yell.

FCG walked into class today all pouty and mad. When she's angry, she's like some adorable, vicious animal that you just want to hug until it rips you to shreds out of rage. You know, like an angry cat or something. I guess that makes her kind of like my cat in a way, only she smells way better than he does since he rolls in his poop.

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Long-Lasting Deoderant Sprays Would Be Better if They Weren't So Evil

My mom made me go out to eat with her and her friends last night because all her friends were bringing dates and stuff and she didn't want to go by herself. (And bringing your daughter makes you less of a loser...?) Luckily, it was at the 2nd best restaurant ever. But she was being all, "Your skirt is too short! Wear tights with it!" when it's not too short, and it was making me super mad because she's the one who bought it for me. However, I had about a pound of pasta, so I'm not mad anymore.

Oh, Old Crush was so gross and weird yesterday! Why did I ever like her!? This other girl was talking about her food allergies, and Old Crush was intrigued.

Old Crush: So, what happens if you eat the stuff you're allergic to?
Other Girl: Uh, stomach problems. Let's just leave it like that.
Old Crush: OH, DOES IT AFFECT YOUR CRAP?
Everyone: ...
Old Crush: 'Cause that would SUCK! My favorite part of the day every day is coming home and taking a giant crap.
Everyone: ... what
Old Crush: It's my alone time! I love it! Sooo relaxing. It's when I use the internet too!

Why is Old Crush SO WEIRD? I mean, really! Nothing she says ever makes any sense at all. There is just nothing that makes sense about a super hot 18-year-old girl randomly blurting out the fact that she thinks shitting is fun. (Perhaps a fetish?)

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Surviving Pokemon: Planets Turned Me Into a Lesbian

AHHHH! I'm good friends with this guy I haven't had a chance to talk to in a few weeks. He moved, and we don't talk as much anymore, but tonight he texted me and we talked for a while. THEN HE TOLD ME TO ASK FCG OUT. I NEVER EVEN TOLD HIM I LIKE HER! IS HE MAGIC OR SOMETHING? He knows I'm gay, but still! That is shocking!

Him: You should ask FCG out. What do you have to lose?
Me: Well, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea, but you know she's way in the closet!
Him: Then go in the closet and get her, goofy!

Speaking of FCG, she did not dye her hair. She just told us she was going to so she could see our reactions. Apparently she found my refusal to believe her hilarious. Helpful Junior said she did the same thing to her.

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