The universe is kicking my ass right now... People are difficult creatures to deal with, as usual, and I'm worrying about this stupid Common App essay, and there's just bad shit.
I had a pretty good week at school last week, but this week isn't going so well so far. I know it's not that far into the week yet, but my dad told me this weekend that my grandpa has cancer in his throat. Understandably, things kind of went downhill for me after that. I think it was near his tonsils, but apparently removing the tonsils won't get it away completely, so he has to have chemo too. Fortunately, it was caught fairly quickly, but I'm worried because, quite frankly, he is old. He's 67, so it's not like he's in the best shape of his life to begin with. Why my grandpa, though? He is such a good, nice old man.
So, it just occurred to me how horribly socially inept I am. Like, oh my god, it's the most embarrassing thing ever. I can think of so many horribly awkward things I've done in the past week or so, and wow, I just want to crawl in a ditch. I have made a complete list of these recent failures below.
Oh, random title generator. I don't even know.
So, weird week. I just took the ACT again, and I really need to make a 30. I need this 30. I know a guy who already has a 30, and it would be downright shameful for me to end up with a lower score than this particular guy. On Friday, there was also a calculus test, and I'm really worried about the outcome of that since everyone messed up so badly the last time. Too many tests... And I registered for the SAT too, so in October there will be even more! Ugh, so tired of tests.
Recently, I bought myself an ACT math and science workbook. I have studied that thing for a total of at least 10 hours, and I really, honestly believe it has paid off. I only blindly guessed on a handful of math questions today instead of about half of them like last time! Science was kind of hard in some parts, and in other parts it wasn't bad at all, especially after having that book.
I'm sick. Ugh, nothing is more annoying than not being able to breathe through your nose. Nothing. I feel disgusting, but I have to go to school tomorrow no matter what because I have 3 dual enrollment classes, and you only get like 2 absences per class until you fail automatically without, like, a doctor's excuse or something. I need to save those for if I feel like just taking a day off.
Do any of you ever accidentally make yourself sad? I've been doing that a lot lately, and I'm not really sure how or why. Like, I was driving to school, and then suddenly I started thinking about dumb things I did a long time ago, or things that used to upset me, and then all of a sudden I was just sad. That happens a lot lately. Why do I do that? Does that even make any sense?
So, anyway, some school bullshit is below.
The novelty of being a senior has worn off. I don't want to go to school another 170-something days now.
People suck soooo much. The main instance of this is my government class. Oh, my stupid fucking government class! They provoke the teacher by constantly interrupting her and drawing gross pictures, and then they wonder why she's such a bitch. I don't have any friends in government class. I have some people in there who I think are okay, though. Like, there's this one hot girl in there, for example. Also, Friday she was going on and on about how this other hot girl was super hot. Sadly, she is not gay, but merely appreciative of hotness... But it was still super awesome because that's like taboo in this super lame town, so I never get to hear hot girls say stuff like that.
You know when you think your door is closed, so you put on a song really loud and dance spastically around your room, lip syncing dramatically and playing air guitar and basically just looking completely fucking insane? It turns out my door wasn't closed. My mom saw the whole thing. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life. Oh my god. Sure, there are definitely much worse things to have your mom walk in on you doing, but this was still pretty embarrassing, haha.
Hmm, what else have I done? Dealt with assholes at my job who basically told me that I will flunk out of college just because they know a girl who did, moped about how much Wednesday is going to suck, tried to read some more of Heart Of Darkness. (Luckily, the test on it isn't actually on Wednesday, so I still have a little time to finish it.) I guess that's about it.
I hate the people at my job so much it's unbelievable. I have had the WORST experiences with customers this week. It's been worse than the gross old guy from last year who used to go behind the counter and put his arm around me. I am utterly appalled at these people's total lack of tact and social skills. People really think it's okay to act this way... I can't fucking believe it.
So, last night, I was in my car, innocently driving along, when suddenly... FCG! She was there at a stoplight. I am 99.999999% sure it was her. Blonde girl, same battered old red car, dumb expression on what I could see of her face... Yeah, definitely FCG. She didn't see me, and I didn't wave at her because in the past year she's been away, she has gone from being the adorably stupid object of my affections to being an annoying girl who loves to commit the heinous offense that is repeatedly being a complete dumbfuck on the Internet. (Someone should really unplug her computer. There's no way she would ever figure out how to get back online then!)
(Who else missed the Instant Title Generator?)
Recently, I attempted to take a trip to the secondhand store to pick up a Gameboy Advance SP. I fixed one of my old Gameboy games all by myself, and I'm addicted to it. I wanted to play it while lying in bed, but the lighting conditions won't permit that on my Gameboy Color and my 3DS doesn't have the backwards compatibility, so I needed the SP for its backlit screen. Unfortunately, my SP is missing. But I am addicted to this game. I must play it at all times. It even comes to work with me now because I never have anything to do there. I am not even the cashier anymore. I now do inventory stuff and am going to learn the bookkeeping because Crazy Grandma completely ruined it. Really, I just sit in the office and watch Comedy Central until I'm needed... which is almost never. (At least I don't have to deal with many customers anymore.) Anyway, so I need to play this game at all times, and, therefore, I need a new SP. Preferably I would like the shiny pink one, but I am desperate enough that any color will do.
The trip was very, very unpleasant.
So, today I was supposed to take the ACT again, but last night, I had a panic attack and didn't sleep. Like, at all. Not even my usual medicine helped. I lay in bed for literally 5 hours just staring at the ceiling. I don't think I can make a 30 like I wanted on less than 2 hours of sleep... So I didn't go because I felt like shit anyway. I hurt all over and was hearing things. I still have 2 more times I can take it, and plus I also have a chance or two at the SAT in October and possibly November. (I'm digressing a bit here, but holy shit, I'm planning for something in November already!? Wasn't it January yesterday? Also, November = 18th birthday = legal adulthood = oh god help me future is scaryyy.)
It's not a very fun time to be me right now. I'm going into my senior year of high school, and I don't know what I want to do in college because I have no marketable skills or talents. This can affect what kinds of colleges I should apply to. Like, what if I find some awesome school that is totally amazing but doesn't have whatever I decided to do? That would suck.
People keep pestering me about it. Where do you want to go to college, Super Duck? Umm, somewhere far away from this shithole. Yes, I am aware that that costs money. Luckily, despite the whole organic chemistry blunder, I still have the grades for scholarships at many places. What do you want to do, Super Duck? Umm, well, personally I would like to eat some Oreos right now and watch some South Park, but it's 4 a.m., so nope. Oh, you mean, like, in college? Umm... Is sleeping a major? What about fangirling over hot actresses?
That's all. That's it. That's the entire post. I made a C on the exam and was able to barely pass. This is pretty much the biggest accomplishment of my entire life. Passing organic chemistry is like marrying a supermodel or winning the lottery or becoming a rockstar.
I haven't had a very good week. On Friday, my mom invited over some weekend guests without telling me until about an hour before they got here. They weren't bad or anything, it's just I find playing hostess to be pretty much the most draining thing ever. Having people over also made my eating schedule go off track, so I pretty much felt fat and tired for about three days. Let me tell you, that's a horrible combination when you go shopping and the shoe store girl is totally cute. We took our guests to some downtown shops, and while we were in the shoe store, my mom said I needed new shoes, but I felt fat and the shoe store girl was super cute, so I didn't get any shoes. My mom was mad.
Also, I learned a very valuable lesson on Monday night. You see, I love terrible movies. Love 'em. I love cheesiness, I love bad special effects, I love movies that are so bad they're good. I am also oddly fascinated by dictators and zombies. I found a movie that seemed to encompass all of these. I was horribly wrong. HORRIBLY!
First of all, a giant, glowing, neon purple FUUUUCK YOUUUUU to organic chemistry, my organic chemistry teacher, this entire school year in general, organic chemistry, whoever it was all those years ago who decided we needed to have a 12th grade instead of just 11 because I am so over high school, and organic chemistry.
I'm done. I finished the 11th grade today. I finished one of the worst years I've had. By this time next year, I'll be totally done with high school. But first, I need to talk about the organic chem final. It can be summed up in one picture, actually:
Most of my friends graduated last night. I may or may not have cried pathetically the entire drive home because I will probably only ever see the one I was closest to again. She was valedictorian and almost cried during her speech, so I almost cried too because I do that sometimes when my friends cry, but thankfully, no one cried.
We got to go see them all after the fact, just before they went on their little surprise trip thing. I couldn't even appreciate the fact that I got a hug from the hottest girl I know because the fact that almost all of my friends left is just way too upsetting! Although hugging her was indeed exactly how I had imagined it would be... Still, you KNOW I am majorly upset when I can't even enjoy hot girl hugs. After that, I saw my friend I mentioned earlier, the valedictorian one, and she hugged me and said we were definitely going to see each other again, and then I totally almost started bawling right then and there. Almost.