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YAY, IT IS ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY!

Mrs. History Teacher is trollin' me so hard. You see, this weekend (Sunday) is my 17th birthday. Mrs. History Teacher thought of a WONDERFUL present for me. It is something every 17-year-old loves: AN ESSAY! I get to write a huge essay on shit no one cares about! I am so loved! She also made sure to be a huge bitch about it. I said I was going to be out of town Friday and would miss class, so she gave me Friday's homework. Friday's homework is a huge essay AND one of the pointless 15-question pages due on Monday. She also had the nerve to say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUPER DUCK, I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT ONE... AND DON'T FORGET ALLLLL THAT WORK!" with the fuckin' Trollface expression. I bet she knew it was my birthday and assigned all that shit just because she hates me. Gonna cut a bitch.

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Some Things

Me: IG, where were you yesterday?
IG: My mom took me to visit a college. Did you know that juniors get college cut days too?
Me: Oh, I didn't know that. Where did you visit?
IG: The one where FCG goes. I had lunch with her!
Me: ...oh
IG: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing, I'm just tired. How was she?
IG: She seemed good. We only had time to eat lunch together, though, since she had to go somewhere. Blah blah blah stuff that has nothing to do with FCG blah blah blah...

So, um, for the past week or so, I had the idea that maybe if I tried not to think about FCG that much, I wouldn't miss her anymore. This obviously didn't work. (Also, apparently, none of that stuff that chick posted about FCG on Facebook last week was true, by the way.)

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In which I hate everything.

Everything is just a total shitfuck right now... Sorry I haven't posted much. I'm usually on Tumblr these days, reblogging pictures of dangerously adorable kittens and an extremely sexy chick and trying to forget how massively lame everything is. I just feel really, really bad. I wish I could just take a break from the universe for just one day and sleep for a while. I just need to breathe.

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I never disrobe before a gunfight.

Dude, this was the best weekend everrrr. I had a long weekend because of Columbus Day. I had the house to myself and did abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING of any worth whatsoever. It was so glorious... I can't even. Oh my fuck. This weekend would have been absolutely perfect if I had some sushi and FCG.

I played Nintendo 64 for a while. Who remembers Hey You Pikachu? I loved that game as a little kid! Did you know that Pikachu responds to "FESTERING DOUCHEBAG"? :D It's such a cute game! I still suck at fishing in it, though.

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Help me, and also, FUCK THE TV!

Uh, last night at about 11:30, I accidentally poked my hand on a jagged hole in the screened-in porch while trying to shoo some bug away. It bled for like, a second, and then it stopped when I washed it and put hydrogen peroxide on it. Am I gonna get tetanus and die painfully? Is a porch screen even made out of metal anyway? Please help.

I know tetanus shots are good for, like, 10 years, right? I don't remember getting any shots since I was in maybe 1st grade or so (10 years ago) but I may have gotten it without remembering. I've been home alone, and my dad has been working, so I haven't been able to ask anyone. I'm freaking out, though, naturally. I always freak out. I remember this one time shortly before I turned 15 when I thought I had some sort of skin cancer because there was a pimple under one of my freckles.

Anyway, do you know what they did? DO YOU KNOW?

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This journal is allll over the place.

It starts off super depressing, and then I become my usual self.

My friend's mom died... I don't know what to say to her. I feel bad. My mom is demanding that I call/text her immediately, but she and her sister deleted their Facebooks and everything. I very, very, very highly doubt she even wants to talk to anyone for a couple days. Everyone in our group is conflicted; we want to call or text her, but we know she more than likely wants to be left alone right now.

I don't even know if we're supposed to actually know yet or not. History Teacher told me out of nowhere today in the hall. She also told some more people from our class. The 11th grade is going to gather some money and buy her some flowers and stuff.

It's so weird. I went to her house 2 or 3 weeks ago to work on a project, and her mom was totally fine. She did have a lot of health problems, but I don't think they were necessarily expecting this.

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I had something to add to this, but I'm sooo tired right now, I can't even remember.

Today, I finally conquered the stupid coffeemaker. I am a happy girl. Now I can have coffee whenever I want.

Guy Best Friend, the ORIGINAL Super Duck/FCG supporter, apparently forgot I am gay... Seriously, he called me yesterday and asked about FCG, randomly came out to me as bi because he thought I would understand the best, and then, before the phone call ended, asked me if I thought some guy was hot.

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So, some anonymous bag of fuck totally hates me.

Guess who got detention today? This chick. Guess why? Apparently, I dress like a whore or something. My school has uniforms. Very, very ill-fitting uniforms. The skirts the girls have to wear never fit properly and must be hemmed according to the girl's height and such, but as long as it is 3 inches or less above the knee, it is deemed acceptable. Also, if someone violates the dress code, they are almost always subtly warned first before detention is given. ("Hey, I think your shirt is coming untucked." or "Maybe you should adjust your skirt a little in the back.")

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Flaming Bags of Poop Think You're Hot

HAHA! MY CAT JUST TOOK A GIANT PISS ALL OVER MY MOM! What the hell, cat!?

I think this weird guy likes me. He's not, like, super annoying or anything, just slightly creepy and also gives off a slight "one day I will shoot you all" vibe. I have almost every class with him. I'm not friends with him and don't usually talk to him, but I can tolerate him. But it's really awkward because I have zero attraction to dudes.

I got all mad at him for putting trash in a donut box that still had donuts in it, and one of my friends laughed and said I was a germophobe. Then, the guy laughed too and grabbed my shoulder and put his arm around me and said, "That's okay, I still like you!" It was really weird. I just said, "Umm... Okay? Thanks, I think?"

If he does like me, he'll get over it eventually. After all, he's liked the vast majority of the 11th grade girls. I just don't want him touching me anymore. >:(

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Tomatoes In Love

Dude, in the school play this year, some guy gets to kiss the TWO hottest senior girls. Yes. Not one, but BOTH OF THEM. That is not even close to fair! BOTH OF THEM! THEY ARE SO HOT! Like... OH MY GOD! One's a stellar blonde cheerleader, and the other is one of IG's super hot friends who is actually not stellar blonde, for a change.

In other news, my car keeps blowing some fuse... It's in the shop now, and they say it keeps doing that. I'm nervous that they won't be able to fix it. I live so far away from civilization (20 minutes from town, and about 30 from school.) that I really need to have it back. Without it, my grandma must make special trips into town to pick me up from school, and that uses massive gas. That's like an hour in the car every day, and it's a special trip. We can't really afford to get another one, and I really hope it doesn't come to that because I love this car. :'( It's my precious, shiny blue car-baby. And also, I feel stupidly helpless without it. I can't even go to the store when I need to. And I feel so bad for making my grandma make special trips to town every day to come get me.

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Calculators Killed the Dinosaurs

So, as I've probably mentioned, I'm on the yearbook and newspaper staff at school. Last Friday, I was allowed to use one of the good cameras (You know, the DSLR ones with the special lenses!) to take pictures, and I absolutely fell in love. I felt so professional and awesome! But I'll never be able to afford one of my own... :'(

However, I am able to afford a 3DS, so I bought a shiny new red one! It's pretty great so far, but I was on a budget, so I only got 1 game for it. Star Fox. My next purchase shall be Zelda. I hate going in that Gamestop, though... It's the one where that douchey guy gave me shit about being a girl. He wasn't there this time, but I kept getting ignored by the guy behind the counter. I don't think it was because I'm a girl, though. I think he was just kind of an asshole. He kept telling me to "wait a moment" while helping everyone around and behind me, even people with in-depth questions and stuff.

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EXACTLY 2 MONTHS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY

So, my friend Helpful Senior and I go to my mom's friend's house after school on Tuesdays. She has this art class thing that's mostly for younger kids, but we go and paint too and occasionally help control the kids. There's us, a sophomore from another school, and then a bunch of under-12s. I really like a few of the kids. Some of the kids creep me out, though. There's this set of 6-or-7-year-old twins who are, like, sickeningly sweet and perfect. They never talk to anyone except each other, and when they did talk to me and Helpful Senior, they said things like, "Oh, we don't follow our hearts. We listen to Jesus and our parents," and they looked appalled that I told Helpful Senior that something was "stupid," and then they went into some spiel about how their mommy said bad words were bad.

But there's this one kid I have to tell you guys about. She doesn't necessarily creep me out, but the first time I saw her, I did not believe she was really there and thought that I might simply be losing it. I mean, it sure as hell wouldn't surprise me. (I mean, dude, this morning, I forgot how to put gas in my car and just sat in the parking lot of the gas station and cried...) But she was real. I would say she's somewhere around 10-12. I don't remember her name. I think it was some weird hippie name. I haven't talked to her much, but if I look away from her direction for a moment and turn back, I see it every single time. Every. Single. Time. And each time, it becomes more and more glaringly obvious.

What is it, you ask? Well, the fact that she looks EXACTLY like a mini FCG.

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Craving Pizza

Ugh, I am sick again. This is my fourth cold this year, and it's only August. Why has my immune system gone to shit this year? I don't understand. I've been so over the past few weeks too. All the time, even in the middle of the day.

Except now it's past 3:30 in the morning, and I'm not even remotely tired even though I've been up way longer than normal. Hmm. Hey, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not even gonna try to understand anymore. I am just gonna accept the fact that sometimes I am randomly a zombie.

FCG won't talk to me. I tried to a few days ago and she never responded. But it's not just me, apparently. One of our friends asked me a couple days ago if I had talked to her recently, and I said I talked to her throughout the summer but haven't really been able to reach her since school started. She said she hadn't heard from FCG in a while either. FCG was really upset last week right before she deleted her Facebook... I hope she's alright. I'm very worried about her. If she were here, I would hug her and stroke her hair the way she likes and say, "FCG, you are beautiful, and whatever hurt you can go eat a bowl of fried goat penises."

Anyway, I feel the need to share more delicious dumbfuckery courtesy of my mother.

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FFFFFFF

The air conditioners in most of my classrooms at school are broken. It averages about 100 degrees Fahrenheit here in August. This is bullshit. The air conditioner in my car is also broken! Yay, roasting in the 100 degree heat for about 7 hours a day is SO FUCKING ORGASMIC! Except not.

Hmm, what else has happened? Oh, my Pre-Cal teacher just randomly decided we have a test tomorrow. No warning or anything. Just halfway through class she said, "Oh, and there's a test tomorrow." Fuck her. And that Speech teacher did the same thing! At least that stuff is just common sense, though.

And some stupid fucknugget upset FCG. I don't know what happened, really, only that she posted a very upset Facebook status last night and then deleted her Facebook. So now I can't keep up with her on Facebook and actually have to talk to her more. Naturally, I am panicking. I'm gonna talk to her later this week... I hope it goes better than last time.

But that's not the nincompoopery I'm here to tell you guys about. Oh, no, it gets way worse. That's just the nincompoopery of the general universe. You guys want to hear about the really good stuff... And that, my friends, is the nincompoopery of my mother, who is basically a 12-year-old girl in a 42-year-old body.

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Toilets Are the Backbone of Everything

Remember back around May, when I had a stupid eye infection? Yeah, I have one again. It feels like shit. I'm just glad it's not noticeable unless you are, like, three inches away from my face. I don't understand why I get them. I don't put anything gross near my eye, or share makeup, or wear contacts, or anything like that. My health hasn't been what it normally is this entire year, though, really. I mean, I've had two eye infections, a kidney stone, and three colds. Usually I only get about two colds and that's all.

It's awful, though, and horribly annoying. It hurts to close my eyes, which frustrates me greatly. It also hurts like a bitch to cry while having one of these things. On the bright side, I get to skip the awful pep rally on Friday to go get some medicine for it.

(Yeah, I've been attempting to see the bright side of things lately, even little things. I think it would do me good!)

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