Today, I finally conquered the stupid coffeemaker. I am a happy girl. Now I can have coffee whenever I want.
Guy Best Friend, the ORIGINAL Super Duck/FCG supporter, apparently forgot I am gay... Seriously, he called me yesterday and asked about FCG, randomly came out to me as bi because he thought I would understand the best, and then, before the phone call ended, asked me if I thought some guy was hot.
Guess who got detention today? This chick. Guess why? Apparently, I dress like a whore or something. My school has uniforms. Very, very ill-fitting uniforms. The skirts the girls have to wear never fit properly and must be hemmed according to the girl's height and such, but as long as it is 3 inches or less above the knee, it is deemed acceptable. Also, if someone violates the dress code, they are almost always subtly warned first before detention is given. ("Hey, I think your shirt is coming untucked." or "Maybe you should adjust your skirt a little in the back.")
HAHA! MY CAT JUST TOOK A GIANT PISS ALL OVER MY MOM! What the hell, cat!?
I think this weird guy likes me. He's not, like, super annoying or anything, just slightly creepy and also gives off a slight "one day I will shoot you all" vibe. I have almost every class with him. I'm not friends with him and don't usually talk to him, but I can tolerate him. But it's really awkward because I have zero attraction to dudes.
I got all mad at him for putting trash in a donut box that still had donuts in it, and one of my friends laughed and said I was a germophobe. Then, the guy laughed too and grabbed my shoulder and put his arm around me and said, "That's okay, I still like you!" It was really weird. I just said, "Umm... Okay? Thanks, I think?"
If he does like me, he'll get over it eventually. After all, he's liked the vast majority of the 11th grade girls. I just don't want him touching me anymore. >:(
Dude, in the school play this year, some guy gets to kiss the TWO hottest senior girls. Yes. Not one, but BOTH OF THEM. That is not even close to fair! BOTH OF THEM! THEY ARE SO HOT! Like... OH MY GOD! One's a stellar blonde cheerleader, and the other is one of IG's super hot friends who is actually not stellar blonde, for a change.
In other news, my car keeps blowing some fuse... It's in the shop now, and they say it keeps doing that. I'm nervous that they won't be able to fix it. I live so far away from civilization (20 minutes from town, and about 30 from school.) that I really need to have it back. Without it, my grandma must make special trips into town to pick me up from school, and that uses massive gas. That's like an hour in the car every day, and it's a special trip. We can't really afford to get another one, and I really hope it doesn't come to that because I love this car. :'( It's my precious, shiny blue car-baby. And also, I feel stupidly helpless without it. I can't even go to the store when I need to. And I feel so bad for making my grandma make special trips to town every day to come get me.
So, as I've probably mentioned, I'm on the yearbook and newspaper staff at school. Last Friday, I was allowed to use one of the good cameras (You know, the DSLR ones with the special lenses!) to take pictures, and I absolutely fell in love. I felt so professional and awesome! But I'll never be able to afford one of my own... :'(
However, I am able to afford a 3DS, so I bought a shiny new red one! It's pretty great so far, but I was on a budget, so I only got 1 game for it. Star Fox. My next purchase shall be Zelda. I hate going in that Gamestop, though... It's the one where that douchey guy gave me shit about being a girl. He wasn't there this time, but I kept getting ignored by the guy behind the counter. I don't think it was because I'm a girl, though. I think he was just kind of an asshole. He kept telling me to "wait a moment" while helping everyone around and behind me, even people with in-depth questions and stuff.
So, my friend Helpful Senior and I go to my mom's friend's house after school on Tuesdays. She has this art class thing that's mostly for younger kids, but we go and paint too and occasionally help control the kids. There's us, a sophomore from another school, and then a bunch of under-12s. I really like a few of the kids. Some of the kids creep me out, though. There's this set of 6-or-7-year-old twins who are, like, sickeningly sweet and perfect. They never talk to anyone except each other, and when they did talk to me and Helpful Senior, they said things like, "Oh, we don't follow our hearts. We listen to Jesus and our parents," and they looked appalled that I told Helpful Senior that something was "stupid," and then they went into some spiel about how their mommy said bad words were bad.
But there's this one kid I have to tell you guys about. She doesn't necessarily creep me out, but the first time I saw her, I did not believe she was really there and thought that I might simply be losing it. I mean, it sure as hell wouldn't surprise me. (I mean, dude, this morning, I forgot how to put gas in my car and just sat in the parking lot of the gas station and cried...) But she was real. I would say she's somewhere around 10-12. I don't remember her name. I think it was some weird hippie name. I haven't talked to her much, but if I look away from her direction for a moment and turn back, I see it every single time. Every. Single. Time. And each time, it becomes more and more glaringly obvious.
What is it, you ask? Well, the fact that she looks EXACTLY like a mini FCG.
Ugh, I am sick again. This is my fourth cold this year, and it's only August. Why has my immune system gone to shit this year? I don't understand. I've been so over the past few weeks too. All the time, even in the middle of the day.
Except now it's past 3:30 in the morning, and I'm not even remotely tired even though I've been up way longer than normal. Hmm. Hey, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not even gonna try to understand anymore. I am just gonna accept the fact that sometimes I am randomly a zombie.
FCG won't talk to me. I tried to a few days ago and she never responded. But it's not just me, apparently. One of our friends asked me a couple days ago if I had talked to her recently, and I said I talked to her throughout the summer but haven't really been able to reach her since school started. She said she hadn't heard from FCG in a while either. FCG was really upset last week right before she deleted her Facebook... I hope she's alright. I'm very worried about her. If she were here, I would hug her and stroke her hair the way she likes and say, "FCG, you are beautiful, and whatever hurt you can go eat a bowl of fried goat penises."
Anyway, I feel the need to share more delicious dumbfuckery courtesy of my mother.
The air conditioners in most of my classrooms at school are broken. It averages about 100 degrees Fahrenheit here in August. This is bullshit. The air conditioner in my car is also broken! Yay, roasting in the 100 degree heat for about 7 hours a day is SO FUCKING ORGASMIC! Except not.
Hmm, what else has happened? Oh, my Pre-Cal teacher just randomly decided we have a test tomorrow. No warning or anything. Just halfway through class she said, "Oh, and there's a test tomorrow." Fuck her. And that Speech teacher did the same thing! At least that stuff is just common sense, though.
And some stupid fucknugget upset FCG. I don't know what happened, really, only that she posted a very upset Facebook status last night and then deleted her Facebook. So now I can't keep up with her on Facebook and actually have to talk to her more. Naturally, I am panicking. I'm gonna talk to her later this week... I hope it goes better than last time.
But that's not the nincompoopery I'm here to tell you guys about. Oh, no, it gets way worse. That's just the nincompoopery of the general universe. You guys want to hear about the really good stuff... And that, my friends, is the nincompoopery of my mother, who is basically a 12-year-old girl in a 42-year-old body.
Remember back around May, when I had a stupid eye infection? Yeah, I have one again. It feels like shit. I'm just glad it's not noticeable unless you are, like, three inches away from my face. I don't understand why I get them. I don't put anything gross near my eye, or share makeup, or wear contacts, or anything like that. My health hasn't been what it normally is this entire year, though, really. I mean, I've had two eye infections, a kidney stone, and three colds. Usually I only get about two colds and that's all.
It's awful, though, and horribly annoying. It hurts to close my eyes, which frustrates me greatly. It also hurts like a bitch to cry while having one of these things. On the bright side, I get to skip the awful pep rally on Friday to go get some medicine for it.
(Yeah, I've been attempting to see the bright side of things lately, even little things. I think it would do me good!)
Completely and utterly swamped with tests this week. Don't even care. I will probably only really try to study for English because I don't want Mrs. English Teacher, who is awesome, to think I am a dumbass.
Also, in that public speaking class, the teacher assigned us a random partner and we have to ask that person about themselves, and then we have to tell the class about them in a speech. I was kind of hoping I'd either get a friend or a cute girl, but I got some senior guy I don't even know... Like, I'm not even sure which guy he is. Ugh, it's going to be so awkward. Of course, my friends all got each other. I hate those stupid assignments where you have to tell about yourself. Always have. What the fuck am I supposed to say? "Hi, I'm Super Duck. My favorite color is purple, I like kittens, and my entire life consists of wasting time on the internet, drawing, and hating all of my surroundings!"?
So, yeah, everything school-wise is pretty much shit again! That didn't take long.
School has officially begun... I guess I'll write about my schedule a little.
1.) Pre-Calculus. This teacher is obviously under the impression that everyone is stupid. Everyone told me that it would be like this, but alas, I did not listen! I learned for myself, though. She made us take hardcore detailed notes... on plotting points on graphs. However, I think this might just be the easiest class to bullshit EVER. She barely even checks homework. If you turn it in and look like you put forth an effort, you get full credit.
2.) English. I don't really know my English teacher well enough to form a solid opinion, as my first impressions are often wrong, but I feel drawn to her somehow. Not in like, an "OMG I WANNA BANG MY TEACHER" kind of way, because I don't, it's not like that, but like... I legitimately want to be her best friend! Hahaha! She is awesome so far! She told us today that her entire motivation for teaching high school English was because it sucked ass for her, and she wanted to make it suck less for future people.
I just got back from visiting some relatives about 5 hours away. I like it there; it sucks less. There's one part of every trip I hate, though... Coming back. I don't even have a word for how I felt. I cried so hard when the landscape turned flat and ugly and familiar sights came into view. The sorry excuse for a mall, the dilapidated buildings, the empty fields... This is not my home. This will never be my home.
I can't make it 2 more years here. I can't. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm coming undone. Every day I spend here is a gigantic waste of my life. I wouldn't ever wish this town on anybody. I shouldn't have come back from the trip. I should've just stayed there. After all, how much do I really have to come back to?
I'm sorry, you guys. You don't want to read all this blathering. It's just whiny crap; I don't think I even say anything important in here. I just need to write it somewhere. I'm feeling like complete and utter shit right now. It doesn't help that school is starting tomorrow. Well, sort of. I have to go and get my schedule and stuff and stay until lunchtime. Then, on Wednesday, it starts for real.
Is it weird that I can't handle ANYONE touching any of my posessions without my permission? Like, if my mom comes in randomly and opens my closet I'm like ARRGH NO STOP IT even though there isn't really anything to hide in there. I don't want anyone opening drawers or touching anything on my desk, and it makes me seriously mad when it happens. I can't have anyone touching my phone or laptop or anything like that. I won't let anyone hold my sketchbook, either; they can only see the pictures I show to them. One time I even freaked out on FCG for opening my purse.
YOU FUCKING GUYS I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN. I AM NOT AT ALL LIKE I WAS FOR THE PAST WEEK OR SO. I AM LIKE A NEW FUCKING SUPER DUCK OR SOMETHING. I DON'T EVEN KNOW, MAN. In fact I can't even begin to tell you what I'm like right now, so here's a .gif I found on Tumblr:
Now the reason I am like that is probably pretty lame-sounding, but I've been so terrible lately that everything good is automatically amazing. BUT I AM LIKE SO GOOD RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT anyway so let me explain!
So, once upon a time, there was a Lame Super Duck. Lame Super Duck was just doing her summer homework and cleaning her closet, minding her own business, you know? Well, she felt like SHIT! So she thought about things that would make her feel better if she did them. "Burn school" and "TP Mrs. History Teacher's house" were not plausible, so she went with the third best option. Text FCG!
I haven't felt like myself in a couple days. I think I'm sick... I feel like complete and utter shit, and I have for the past few days. My chest and stomach hurt, and last night so did the area around my eyes, but I think that's because I didn't sleep the night before. I'm tired all the time too, but next week there will be a few all-nighters to finish up my history homework and, if I have time, my summer reading books for English. If I don't have time, then I can just go on SparkNotes like I've done every year since 8th grade. I didn't do anything tiring at work yesterday, and all I did after that was buy some notebooks and such for school, but last night I was so worn down I didn't even want to get up off of my bed.
I've felt really bad on the inside too lately. I just feel so blah, and yesterday I cried the entire time I was driving to Walmart. Hell, I don't even know what I cried about. I'm like an emotional landmine; everything sets me off right now. I cried a couple days ago because I asked my mom where some meat was, and she yelled at me for being dumb. And then yesterday I was listening to this music and I started getting all teary.