Ugh, I am sick again. This is my fourth cold this year, and it's only August. Why has my immune system gone to shit this year? I don't understand. I've been so over the past few weeks too. All the time, even in the middle of the day.
Except now it's past 3:30 in the morning, and I'm not even remotely tired even though I've been up way longer than normal. Hmm. Hey, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not even gonna try to understand anymore. I am just gonna accept the fact that sometimes I am randomly a zombie.
FCG won't talk to me. I tried to a few days ago and she never responded. But it's not just me, apparently. One of our friends asked me a couple days ago if I had talked to her recently, and I said I talked to her throughout the summer but haven't really been able to reach her since school started. She said she hadn't heard from FCG in a while either. FCG was really upset last week right before she deleted her Facebook... I hope she's alright. I'm very worried about her. If she were here, I would hug her and stroke her hair the way she likes and say, "FCG, you are beautiful, and whatever hurt you can go eat a bowl of fried goat penises."
Anyway, I feel the need to share more delicious dumbfuckery courtesy of my mother.
The air conditioners in most of my classrooms at school are broken. It averages about 100 degrees Fahrenheit here in August. This is bullshit. The air conditioner in my car is also broken! Yay, roasting in the 100 degree heat for about 7 hours a day is SO FUCKING ORGASMIC! Except not.
Hmm, what else has happened? Oh, my Pre-Cal teacher just randomly decided we have a test tomorrow. No warning or anything. Just halfway through class she said, "Oh, and there's a test tomorrow." Fuck her. And that Speech teacher did the same thing! At least that stuff is just common sense, though.
And some stupid fucknugget upset FCG. I don't know what happened, really, only that she posted a very upset Facebook status last night and then deleted her Facebook. So now I can't keep up with her on Facebook and actually have to talk to her more. Naturally, I am panicking. I'm gonna talk to her later this week... I hope it goes better than last time.
But that's not the nincompoopery I'm here to tell you guys about. Oh, no, it gets way worse. That's just the nincompoopery of the general universe. You guys want to hear about the really good stuff... And that, my friends, is the nincompoopery of my mother, who is basically a 12-year-old girl in a 42-year-old body.
Remember back around May, when I had a stupid eye infection? Yeah, I have one again. It feels like shit. I'm just glad it's not noticeable unless you are, like, three inches away from my face. I don't understand why I get them. I don't put anything gross near my eye, or share makeup, or wear contacts, or anything like that. My health hasn't been what it normally is this entire year, though, really. I mean, I've had two eye infections, a kidney stone, and three colds. Usually I only get about two colds and that's all.
It's awful, though, and horribly annoying. It hurts to close my eyes, which frustrates me greatly. It also hurts like a bitch to cry while having one of these things. On the bright side, I get to skip the awful pep rally on Friday to go get some medicine for it.
(Yeah, I've been attempting to see the bright side of things lately, even little things. I think it would do me good!)
Completely and utterly swamped with tests this week. Don't even care. I will probably only really try to study for English because I don't want Mrs. English Teacher, who is awesome, to think I am a dumbass.
Also, in that public speaking class, the teacher assigned us a random partner and we have to ask that person about themselves, and then we have to tell the class about them in a speech. I was kind of hoping I'd either get a friend or a cute girl, but I got some senior guy I don't even know... Like, I'm not even sure which guy he is. Ugh, it's going to be so awkward. Of course, my friends all got each other. I hate those stupid assignments where you have to tell about yourself. Always have. What the fuck am I supposed to say? "Hi, I'm Super Duck. My favorite color is purple, I like kittens, and my entire life consists of wasting time on the internet, drawing, and hating all of my surroundings!"?
So, yeah, everything school-wise is pretty much shit again! That didn't take long.
School has officially begun... I guess I'll write about my schedule a little.
1.) Pre-Calculus. This teacher is obviously under the impression that everyone is stupid. Everyone told me that it would be like this, but alas, I did not listen! I learned for myself, though. She made us take hardcore detailed notes... on plotting points on graphs. However, I think this might just be the easiest class to bullshit EVER. She barely even checks homework. If you turn it in and look like you put forth an effort, you get full credit.
2.) English. I don't really know my English teacher well enough to form a solid opinion, as my first impressions are often wrong, but I feel drawn to her somehow. Not in like, an "OMG I WANNA BANG MY TEACHER" kind of way, because I don't, it's not like that, but like... I legitimately want to be her best friend! Hahaha! She is awesome so far! She told us today that her entire motivation for teaching high school English was because it sucked ass for her, and she wanted to make it suck less for future people.
I just got back from visiting some relatives about 5 hours away. I like it there; it sucks less. There's one part of every trip I hate, though... Coming back. I don't even have a word for how I felt. I cried so hard when the landscape turned flat and ugly and familiar sights came into view. The sorry excuse for a mall, the dilapidated buildings, the empty fields... This is not my home. This will never be my home.
I can't make it 2 more years here. I can't. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm coming undone. Every day I spend here is a gigantic waste of my life. I wouldn't ever wish this town on anybody. I shouldn't have come back from the trip. I should've just stayed there. After all, how much do I really have to come back to?
I'm sorry, you guys. You don't want to read all this blathering. It's just whiny crap; I don't think I even say anything important in here. I just need to write it somewhere. I'm feeling like complete and utter shit right now. It doesn't help that school is starting tomorrow. Well, sort of. I have to go and get my schedule and stuff and stay until lunchtime. Then, on Wednesday, it starts for real.
Is it weird that I can't handle ANYONE touching any of my posessions without my permission? Like, if my mom comes in randomly and opens my closet I'm like ARRGH NO STOP IT even though there isn't really anything to hide in there. I don't want anyone opening drawers or touching anything on my desk, and it makes me seriously mad when it happens. I can't have anyone touching my phone or laptop or anything like that. I won't let anyone hold my sketchbook, either; they can only see the pictures I show to them. One time I even freaked out on FCG for opening my purse.
YOU FUCKING GUYS I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN. I AM NOT AT ALL LIKE I WAS FOR THE PAST WEEK OR SO. I AM LIKE A NEW FUCKING SUPER DUCK OR SOMETHING. I DON'T EVEN KNOW, MAN. In fact I can't even begin to tell you what I'm like right now, so here's a .gif I found on Tumblr:
Now the reason I am like that is probably pretty lame-sounding, but I've been so terrible lately that everything good is automatically amazing. BUT I AM LIKE SO GOOD RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT anyway so let me explain!
So, once upon a time, there was a Lame Super Duck. Lame Super Duck was just doing her summer homework and cleaning her closet, minding her own business, you know? Well, she felt like SHIT! So she thought about things that would make her feel better if she did them. "Burn school" and "TP Mrs. History Teacher's house" were not plausible, so she went with the third best option. Text FCG!
I haven't felt like myself in a couple days. I think I'm sick... I feel like complete and utter shit, and I have for the past few days. My chest and stomach hurt, and last night so did the area around my eyes, but I think that's because I didn't sleep the night before. I'm tired all the time too, but next week there will be a few all-nighters to finish up my history homework and, if I have time, my summer reading books for English. If I don't have time, then I can just go on SparkNotes like I've done every year since 8th grade. I didn't do anything tiring at work yesterday, and all I did after that was buy some notebooks and such for school, but last night I was so worn down I didn't even want to get up off of my bed.
I've felt really bad on the inside too lately. I just feel so blah, and yesterday I cried the entire time I was driving to Walmart. Hell, I don't even know what I cried about. I'm like an emotional landmine; everything sets me off right now. I cried a couple days ago because I asked my mom where some meat was, and she yelled at me for being dumb. And then yesterday I was listening to this music and I started getting all teary.
I WAS going to tell you all about the good things that happened today, and maybe I still will, but my mom just... I don't even know. I'm really pissed at her right now.
Whenever she gets back from a trip, she always acts all fake nice for a day or so, then she reverts back to her normal bitchy self. By the time I got in tonight, she had returned, and she did the annoying thing where she squeezes me to death and pretends to have missed me. After I had managed to struggle free, she dropped the bomb.
"Today I asked your dad to get back together with me, but he said no..."
No fucking shit he rejected you. He hates you AND he's been in a relationship with someone else, an actual nice lady, for 2 years now.
"I know he'll want to eventually, though. That's why I never actually signed the divorce papers. He WILL want me again one day."
...WHAT? So THAT'S how you've been able to mooch off of him! That's fucking low.
Today, I did literally nothing at work today. There were NO PEOPLE. Now I'm attempting not to make another huge baking fail like last night. I burned my thumb...
I talked to FCG yesterday. She asked me if I was excited to be in 11th grade. Ughhh, I would rather play in traffic, but I didn't tell her that. Hahaha. I don't want her to know just how much I dread it, so I just simply said no. She is soooo excited to go to college. She was telling me all about it, complete with 6 exclamation points. I'm trying really hard to be happy for her; I miss her a lot and school is going to be really different without her, but I know this town sucks ass and she's glad to be getting out. And besides, the thought of a happy FCG makes me feel a little better. :) Oh, apparently her phone is broken now. I was gonna put off talking to her until today, but it's a good thing I decided to go ahead and do it.
Today, my least favorite person ever came into the store. My chemistry teacher from 10th grade... Ugh, she was terrible. You know, the one who told me I was never going anywhere in life? The one who didn't know how to do any math at all and mispronounced every other word? The one who abandoned us on exam review day, then refused to get the test rescheduled? Yeah, that one. There's a chance I could have her as a homeroom teacher this year. That thought makes me want to curl into a ball on my bedroom floor and vomit. My second option for homeroom is Mrs. History Teacher, which is not much better. The only even slightly okay option is the pre-cal teacher. I must get her; I can't deal with those other two first thing in the morning. Or ever, really, but especially not at 8 a.m.
Right across the street from where I work is a tiny grocery store. I don't know its name; it has no sign or anything. In my family, it is known as "The Nasty Store," which I will explain in a minute. I'm surprised it's still in business, really, because usually people either go to the nearest Walmart (20 minute drive) or the gas station for food. The gas station actually has really good cooked food, plus basic things like bread and milk.
When I was about 2 or 3, my grandma took me in there, and I apparently yelled out, "WOW, THIS STORE IS REALLY NASTY, GRANNY! :D IT'S THE NASTY STORE! NASTY STORE, NASTY STORE!" I haven't been back since. Hahaha.
My mom has been gone for a month, and she immediately starts bitching and whining the second she walks in the door. I wish she'd just get the hell out again. Can't stand her. She was mad because there was a cup in the sink (Wow, maybe I actually have things do to do during the day and can't empty the dishwasher until the afternoon!) and then because the house wasn't just totally stocked with fresh groceries. I did go grocery shopping last week... but I kind of, you know, had to eat a little. She also started crying because I didn't have any salad stuff, and she wanted salad. You know, they make this thing called a grocery store.
She literally just started crying AGAIN and saying she was going to have a heart attack because she left some makeup at her friend's house. OH NO, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD. It's not like her friend can like, mail it to her or anything. Nope. The sun is not going to come up tomorrow, and we will all drop dead. Now, I am a 16-year-old girl who loves her sparkly purple eyeshadow, but I don't think I'd CRY and SAY I WAS GOING TO DIE if I left it somewhere.
I CAN MAKE DELICIOUS FOOD ALL BY MYSELF! :D Well, things from a box mix, at least. But I am still proud of myself because my idea of making food is generally limited to frozen dinners and instant noodles. I FEEL SO POWERFUL.
I ate like such a pig today. Hahaha. Well, I was happy, okay!? I'll say why in a minute.
It has come to my attention that I should probably start on my summer homework, but I'm not motivated. We "won't be able to do all that homework the night before it's due," Mrs. History Teacher? Well, I have but one thing to say to that...