Hey... I don't really have a story to share anymore, so my updates probably won't be as frequent. Just letting you guys know in case you wonder where the daily posts went. Don't worry, I'm definitely not leaving or anything. I just don't have a reason to update every single day now.
I'm posting today, though, because of the AP exam and what I did before it. This is probably uninteresting and annoying, but I still feel the need to write it. On the day of the AP exam, you aren't required to come to school until it's time for the test. But I came to school an hour early. I came to school early because the school does this thing every year in which they make the seniors come back and dress up really nicely and recieve their awards/scholarships/etc. at an assembly for everyone to come see. They go in alphabetical order and make the seniors all walk up on the stage and it is announced what college they're going to and if they got scholarships and such. It's normally quite boring, but I dragged my currently zombie-like ass to the thing in support of FCG.
I felt so awkward because the AP people were supposed to stand at the back so we could leave for the test without causing any disruption. I was alone at first, but soon, IG, another girl from my history class, and some juniors I'm friends with appeared too after they finished their AP American History test. I still felt pretty creep-tastic for standing in the back, though.
Today was the day. Things were agonizingly slow until chemistry class today, as if to purposely torture me. In chemistry, I checked out Old Crush's fantastic body one final time. It didn't make chemistry class any more bearable as it usually does, though. I really just felt nothing. She wrote "good Bye" (Yes, just like that) on the board as she left. I remembered being obsessed with her all those years ago.
Fun fact: When I was like 12 and obsessed with Old Crush, I thought I'd be terribly obsessed with her forever and always thought her last day of high school would be the most depressing thing in the universe for me, even though she was in like 8th grade at the time.
I just kind of zoned out at lunch. Girl Best Friend kept saying I did, anyway. I don't really remember anything. All I felt was anxiety. I barely ate.
I did everything I could to prolong the walk to French class. I went by Mrs. History Teacher's room and picked up some homework she had been too lazy to print off in the morning. I took baby steps. I stopped at my locker. But I couldn't dawdle forever, so I eventually had to make my way into the room.
Mrs. History Teacher is buying us whatever snacks we want to eat during the break we get during the AP Exam. DOES NOT COMPUTE. But it's still good. I am surprised, though. She tells us regularly that she hates us and that we're stupid and useless, but she is willing to buy everyone (yes, even me) the snack they want. I don't understand. Is this her way of apologizing or something?
Hey, do you guys have mosquitoes where you live? They're really bad here, and it seems that an entire legion of them have attacked me. Only one of the bites is easy to scratch. This is not fun. I don't even know how some of them managed to quite literally bite my ass. I have not been outside sans clothing. Hahaha.
I need to study my math, but I can't focus. I sort of know it, I guess. I actually listened in class today. I'll look at it later. But I don't feel like getting up to go get it. It seems almost like if I stop sitting here typing this and listening to music and being all, "OH NO TUESDAY NIGHT" and actually do what I need to do, tomorrow will come faster. And I don't want that. I want to prolong this Tuesday as much as possible, even though it was a little bit of a crappy, boring Tuesday. But hey, I'll take it. I'll take any crappy, boring Tuesday over this dreadful, impending Wednesday.
Yesterday morning, Girl Best Friend texted me to tell me that she finally got a car and that she wanted me to see it. So she came to my house, and we went for a ride in it. It's nice! Except we kind of almost got lost because all the roads out here in Bumblefuck look the same.
So, now that Osama Bin Laden is dead, every redneck on my news feed on facebook is saying he's not dead and that he has really been Obama all along, so this whole thing is a government cover-up. Another one of these gems is that Osama isn't really dead and is plotting to ally with Obama and take over the world and kill white people. The conspiracies that these people come up with are almost hilarious in a sick kinda way.
My sister keeps listening to this shitty band named something like Big Time Rush because she thinks they are hot, and it's irritating me to death. I think I need to buy her some headphones. Or blast good music. Hmm.
So my mom's boyfriend/not-boyfriend/whatever is here. No idea how long he's staying. My mom made me go out to eat with her and all her friends tonight before he got here so she wouldn't have to go alone. Dude, he just played this video for my mom, and a girl was talking on it, and she sounded EXACTLY like me, but it wasn't me. It was freakyyy.
I started studying for the AP exam today. Well, not really. By "started studying," I mean opened a textbook, read one page, and then watched the following video:
So, the moods in this journal are EXTREMELY varied. I'm just all over the place right now, and it may or may not make any sense. I can't even sit still right now. Just a warning.
I am extremely sensitive to noises. My mom eats so loudly. Earlier, she was sitting on the couch, disgustingly smacking her salad, and I thought I was going to lose it, even with headphones in and music turned up loud. She is also a SUPER slow eater, which makes matters so much worse. She and my sister both eat that way. Certain noises really get to me for some reason. I also can't be near vacuum cleaners, my sister when she slurps soda out of a can, IG when she tries (and fails) to whistle, or people who enjoy sucking their snot back up into their nose.
It's usually not anywhere near this bad, but I'm at my breaking point right now, so everything is upsetting me. I wanted to scream and lash out at Mrs. History Teacher today because she's giving us work for a grade tomorrow on stuff she says she knows we haven't covered, but we can't look the info up anywhere. I'm sorry, but what the fuck? What the fuck is that? What does she even expect us to do? Pull the info out of our asses?
So, tomorrow, we have this gross thing called Field Day. It's basically like gym class, except it lasts two hours. No one really likes it except the jock guys, who proclaim it serious business and take out any fun that could possibly be had anyway. Each grade is pitted against the others, which is annoying because a lot of my friends are in other grades, and I can't get near them to talk to them while Field Day is going on. We are, however, permitted to wear shorts to school tomorrow, which could potentially make for some good eye candy...
I often skip Field Day, but I'm not sure if we're having classes before Field Day, and I need to see FCG if we do. Sometimes we only have the ones before lunch, which would suck horribly because my class with FCG is directly after lunch while the one I hate with a passion and often leave close to tears from is directly before lunch. Sometimes we do short classes and have them all. We usually did the former in middle school except one year, but I can't remember what we did last year. (Also, my mom is letting me save my 3 free absences for the hellish week after the AP Exam. I told her there was no reason for me to ever, ever go back after next Wednesday, but sadly, you get 3 free absences per quarter, not 1235645241, so I can't do that.)
So, I had to go by my mom's friend's house, and on the way home, I passed by IG's boyfriend. He was out walking and carrying his skateboard. It was awkward because we know each other because of IG but don't really talk. I was at a stop sign, so I was kinda stuck. Haha. Don't you just hate that awkward eye contact you make when you see someone you kind of know but aren't really friends with, and neither person is really sure if they should wave or not?
Mr. Troll the economics teacher, while usually irritating, is the one of the only useful people at school right now. Today, he said that the seniors in our class had to go ahead and take their test soon because next Wednesday is their last day to get grades and stuff. Finally, Mr. Troll serves a purpose! So, I guess I have a couple extra days with FCG, then. This is good, but it also means I have a couple of extra days (plus an entire extra weekend) to dread Wednesday. I just can't stop thinking about how much it's gonna suck when my FCG leaves. :'( If Mr. Troll is right, then I have 6 more days with her now instead of 3. Everything is such a huge clusterfuck. I wish they'd just make a clear announcement stating when the seniors' last day is so I can adjust my level of panic accordingly. Of course, with my luck, he could be trollin' again, and it's not next Wednesday. He would so totally do that if he knew how much I have to have this information.
Old Crush was... interesting... today. She is also completely and utterly useless when it comes to giving vital information. I should've figured that since the girl barely ever makes any sense at all. I wanted to be absolutely sure when my last day with FCG is. I'm still 99% sure it's this Friday, but that guy in chemistry keeps saying next Thursday.
Old Crush: YES THIS IS MY LAST FULL WEEK OF CHEMISTRY
Me: Jealous. When is the seniors' last day of school?
Old Crush: Well, I'm not really sure. It's either this Friday or next Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, OLD CRUSH. "Next Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday" doesn't tell me anything!
Then, the guy who sits in front of me was annoying me. He decided to use my desk as a pillow, and he's sort of gross.
So, my mom's new boyfriend is coming over Easter night, and he's staying until Tuesday. I don't know how I feel about this... I don't know this dude, and I don't know if I want to deal with having to be hospitable to some stranger during an extremely stressful week.
I still have my dad's laptop. We haven't had a chance to take mine to the repair shop yet. It's never open when we go there. :( I liked having my dad's laptop until I wanted to draw, installed my graphics tablet, and then realized I didn't have any of my programs I use. I didn't want to install a bunch of shit on his laptop, so I didn't go get them back...
Yay, I have no school tomorrow! But there are also bad things, like the fact that a chemistry test (my worst subject, even!) is scheduled for next Friday. Next Friday is already a terrible, awful, pathetic excuse for a day. And guess what? Even though almost half of the class is seniors and will be leaving on that day, we still might apparently have another test after that. Umm, no. I flat out refuse to do any stupid chemistry tests without any Old Crush eye candy.
Also, today, my math teacher, who is one of the only teachers I have that doesn't make me want to repeatedly slam my head in my car door, revealed to us today that she has cancer. Aww. :( Girl Best Friend and I have suspected that something was wrong with her for a while now since she's older (mid/late 60s) and misses so much school.
Then, there were things that were technically bad but resulted in good stuff. There was a surprise French quiz today that no one knew about, and I had forgotten my study guide, so FCG let me share hers. Of course, this meant that I had to sit very close to her while we studied, which, in turn, meant that I didn't absorb a damn thing I studied. Oh well! She was so cute trying to pronounce the words. And our faces were so, so close. Unfortunately for me, "FCG has the most beautiful eyes ever in the universe" was not an answer choice on the quiz.
So, my dad has let me borrow his laptop until mine is fixed because he hardly uses his, plus there's an old yet still usable desktop computer at his house anyway. I am really, REALLY enjoying his computer because it is about half as old as mine. Mine is really and truly fucked now. We tried everything, and we can't fix it, so tomorrow we're taking it to a store that fixes computers. (I don't have school tomorrow!) He said that if it costs a lot, he might just go ahead and get me a new one. The thing is 3 1/2 years old... Won't be long before I actually need a new one anyway. I'd LOVE to have a new one, but I know it's so not happening! My dad says that the only way I'll get a new one is if it costs over about $150 to fix the old one. I wouldn't mind keeping the old one if I could somehow magically get it to run like a newer one.
Dude, when they fix your computer, do they, like, snoop in your files and stuff? My laptop is THE most personal item I own, so I put all the important stuff on an external drive and deleted it off the laptop out of paranoia. I know they've more than likely seen far, far worse things than I would ever have on my computer since I'm not really into weird shit. I mean, it's not like there's tentacle Nazi scat porn on there or anything, it's just the principle of the thing.
Hey, guys, I just wanted to tell you that this morning, the universe decided to rape my laptop in the ass. I'm at my grandparents' house right now, typing a paper, so I thought I'd just tell you all. If my dad can't fix it, then... Uhhh, I don't know.
The laptop made some weird buzzing noises over the past few days, and now it only turns on for a few minutes at a time before shutting off. Apparently, that means there might be an issue with the fan or something. My dad's pretty good with electronics, so I'll ask him about it. I tried using that canned air stuff to spray the dust out of what I could see of the fan, but apparently it's better to open the laptop up and do it? I'm NOT opening it without my dad.
So, tomorrow, barely any of my teachers are gonna be at school. It will be awesome. And now the history test is COMPLETELY CANCELLED! All we have to do is a take-home worksheet and a stupid essay now. No test.
I'm not doing the Day of Silence tomorrow. Sorry guys. I did it in 7th grade, was too intimidated by an ultra-conservative history teacher in 8th grade, and forgot in 9th grade. But now I honestly don't think I could shut up for an entire day, plus I'm now down to just a few days left with FCG and can't afford to completely not talk to her for a day.
Dude, I want to go shopping. I love summer clothes. Hahaha. There is so much shit in my closet that is like, 5 years old and doesn't even fit anymore. I cleaned it out a lot last year, but there is still a bunch of stuff in the back. IG says she's going shopping this weekend. Jealous. I don't have much money, though, so I guess it doesn't matter anyway!
Anyway, FCG started a long discussion about boobs today in class. Yes, really.
Earlier today, I finally texted FCG, reminding her to bring that stuff. She responded instantly. Like, I didn't even have time to text the other girl I was also supposed to remind before FCG responded. But she didn't say anything after that, so bleh. I think she said she was going somewhere tonight, though, so it's alright. I didn't really start a conversation with her, I just reminded her to bring those things. And I was actually nervous over that for like, 5 whole minutes. Hahaha... Wow, I am so lame. Yeah, I think I'm back in my usual position of Supremely Lame again. The universe has gone back to normal.
I am always soooo nervous to text or call girls I like. It's why I was such an epic failure with the last girl I liked. It's so weird because I can talk to them in person just fine without being nervous or anything, but using the phone is somehow scary. I can never think of what to say to them to start a conversation on the phone or over text, even though I talk to my other friends on the phone or over text alllll the time. It feels weird to just say hi. Like I'm always scared they won't want to talk to me or something.