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I think that's the first time I've cried in... well, almost a year. And considering my past track record, that's amazing. I'd managed to get myself to stop crying as much... but that's just too freaking much.

He's gone... I'll probably never see him again. Goddamnit, I'm starting to cry again now. I odn't want my mum to see... as much as I love her, I just can't explain it all to her. Crap.

Stupid job. Why did it have to exist? I mean I know he's happy about it... but... ugh. Crap.

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Well... Shit

Yeah. I did it. Damn...

Lessee... called him, said "So... yeah.. I'm kidna crazy about you.. and... have been for a while... figured I'd tell you before you left for California."

"Oh... well, I'm gald you told me, and don't have that bottled up anymore.."

"Yup. Imonna... go watch edward scissorhands now... >>"

"Aww, I love that movie.. well, see ya tomorrow"

"Yup. Bye"

Yeahh... well, it's out there. And that's that. It's over. Crappppp.


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Letter Style...

Dear Senior,

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Lesseee, today I woke up at 11 some-odd... that's later thanI've slept in liek a year. xD

And then I checked facebook... first thing I saw was a message from Senior asking when he could come over to watch doctor who. He effing came over to my house today! To let me indulge in my geekiness towards him!! It was freaking amazing!

Then there was band... the show went even better than last nights. Which is awesome. But... it was Seniors last major thing at my high school. D:

Stupid California... I mean, I love it, but... why does it have to be so far awayy? ><

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He's comign over. :D

He's flipping coming over! Do you realize how freaking insane that is? :DDD

I just hate that all this is happening three days before he's moving across the country.. o_O

But still! He's coming over! Yay doctor who for giving me the perfect excuse for almost anything! :D

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Kay time to post a real journal entry... xD


Senior invited me to go to starbucks with him and this other senior girl. It was freaking amazing. :DD

For the first time this week I'm in a freaking good mood. I'm in such a good mood that I couldn't even concentrate enough to absorb most of what your people's comments were (cuz I do, in fact, read everything that's posted on this site... yayyyy, no life!)

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That's all. Bye.


(Bet ya didn't see -that- one coming. ;D)

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Menta/Emotional Breakdowns... fun stuff

I feel like such a whiner. I have almost nothing to complain about compared to a lot of people, but still... I dunno. At this point I feel like "Yeah, your hurts are probably worse than mine. But I'm not experiencing those, I'm experiencing mine... and my hurts still hurt."


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Screw It..

Not only did he not remember, but today was just not a great day... first two periods I had tests, third period was okay, but fourth I had to run the freaking mile and about a quarter of the way through I got the worst freaking cramp or something that I've ever had... I could hardly breathe. Art school was okay... it usually is. But then band... started off good enough, but then somebody's 200 dollar mouthpiece got stolen, Senior got extremely mad and flipped out...

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Is either gonna be absolutely amazing or kinda crappy... on one hand, it's alone time with Senior. On the other hand, I could spend the whole time wanting to just do something about the whole thing but not because that would be practically suicidal...

BUT, he said "Hey Skylar" today. As in not my old name... as in I smiled all hugely after that. It was pretty sweet. I really wanna figure out a way to get him to hug me....

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Oh so very pathetic...

I've been freaking liking him more and more. I want to be able to talk about how awesomely the whole coming out at school thing is... but all I can really think about talking about is him.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with him before band... I'm excited, even though I usually get to do this every week, and usually for longer than tomorrow. I just want to be at that point already... screw all of the in between stuff. Argh. ><

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You know those nights...

Were you just realize how ridiculously much you want somebody to be able to call just to talk and it wouldn't be incredibly creeperish? Okay, so I hve friends that do that to friends, but I'm not a fan of the phone and most people know that.. the only few times that I enjoyed phone conversations was when I was semi going out with a girl-at-the-time from georgia..

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Planning Fail...

I made plans to go see where the wild things are last night... that didn't work out cuz the person I was gonna go with ended up being unable to go. So somebody else asked me if I wanted to do anything today, and Is aid "Sure, let's go see where the wild things are." Now -he- can't go, but I still really wanna go. I can't find anybody that can come... some small part of me really wants me to just invite Senior, but I know that'd be like suicide.. he doesn't think of me as as much of a friend as I think of him. Bleh, it'd be so much easier if I could just find somebody that could come.

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Life in General...

I'm sick. Not majorly so, but still.. just enough that it's annoying.

I'm in love with my hat, too.. :D

Umm... lessee... next week is gonna be crazy busy cuz I don't think I'll get home until nine any night other than monday... fun, right? BUT, I get to paper mache Seniors face at some point, so... maybe it's worth it. xD

And he's starting to get more friendly with me. Slowly, but it's happening. Of course, he's leaving in ten days... figures. Fleh. It sucks.

I really don't know why I'm writing this. Probably because I have nothing better to do..

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I got a new hat today! From Senior! Yushh!!

For the record... I was in love with this hat pretty much before I said two words to him... it's that amazing. And the fact that he so willingly handed it over to me after I heard that there were people that had asked him for it a lot? Even more awesome! :D

Anywho, enough ramblings, cuz I could go on all day... I show you a picture!

Nyaha, rainbow dinosaurs... it's exciting. xD

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