It's snowing... and sticking... on October 15th... in connecticut. Wassupp widatt???
Kay, moment of horrid grammar over... my gym teacher is freaking amazing! Today she took me aside and showed me where I could change and was just really supportive and... I dunno, she just said "You know, you're in high school so people are gonna be immature about this. If you ever need to talk about anything you can talk to me. You just gotta be who you are, ya know?"
Sooo... I came out as trans yesterday to my school. Well, sunday, via facebook. I had one person say something not exactly with it... I'm kinda disappointed with who it was.. at least she didn't say "ew that's gross." She's just not even gonna make an effort to call me a guy or Skylar. Neither is my sister, actually, which is also disappointing.
Why's he have to be so nice to look at?
I have to force myself not to look at pictures of him on facebook now that I have one.
*Goes back to trying not to look*
It's too cold for life right now.
Okay, not really. It's not that bad, just... I wish it were slightly warmer. xD
Anywho... stuff is going well. Senior friended me on facebook without acting all freaked out cuz of the new name... yay. :D
Although... one person that I thought would be all cool with it proceeded to call me my sister's sister on my wall... *Sigh*
Whatever... I guess it had to be somebody...
I dunno about you all, but it's been 17 minutes here. :D
Welp, I did it. My facebook's made, I've told my guidance counselor... now just to see what it'll be like at school on tuesday. Here's to hoping it goes well.
And in other news, the first time senior actually said goodbye directly to me was the last time he'd know me by my old name... how ironic. :x
I really don't have much else to say that makes sense with the rest of this journal, so I'll just leave it at that for now... Wish me luck in school.
I told my guidance counselor today. He was mostly just like "Okay. That's cool. I guess I'll tell your teachers and the school psychologist and the administration and all that."
It was ridiculously awesome.
OH, and I spent almost two whole periods sitting next to senior either watching him draw or having him share his ipod with me. Anybody ever heard the elmer fudd rap? xD
Man... he actually showed me a video after saying "This is something that -you- in particular would appreciate." :DD
I made an appointment with my guidance counselor for tomorrow. I'm both incredibly and hella scared. I just hope that he doesn't end up being transphobic... that would suck. BIG time. ><
I also hope that nobody at school is bad enough about it for it to be dangerous to me. I don't expect it, but it'd suck if that did happen...
What else is happening... umm... I should be doing an essay right now. I really can't be bothered..
That's the most interesting stuff. Yyupyup..
Umm.. I'm really pathetic? Today I was having a good enough day until Senior neglected to say hello back to me in the hallway. Then I was all depressed and anti-social until I got to that art school. -Then- I got in a better mood, and I was all good, and I went to the therapist and I'm coming out this weekend and all that...
And then my mum had a conversation with me in the car on the way back home about me being trans that resulted in her crying. Which got me upset too...
Yay! I want it to be Sunday.. >>
In the meantime... I got a hug today! Yes from senior, I get hugs every day from other people. :P
It was exciting... of course, it was only after I asked for it, but still.
And then I hinted at me being trans and he seemed to get a bit wierded out. More like when somebody said that she wanted curves I said "Hey, I'd happily give you mine..." and he responded with something along the lines of "What was that *insert original name here*?"
I have stuff I should be doing. Bleh.
I dunno. I need to rant.
So, here's my issue;
I'm not actually a particularly masculine person. I'm quite feminine... I don't like any of the things that guys are 'supposed' to like, I'll skip around with my friends in front of huge crowds of people, I randomly start dancing just cuz I feel like it... all that stuff that the stereotypical guy isn't supposed to do. The problem is, people who don't know me really really well think of me as either too girly or really butch.
I have it bad.
That's what I decided today while playing at the football game. I couldn't stop looking at him, even when I knew it was stupid cuz he had probably noticed that I couldn't stop looking at him. And then in the third quarter, when all of us bandies are allowed to do whatever, I was hanging with my friends and all but I kept looking to see if I could find him... just to stare. I never would've actually gone up to him.
I saw Senior walking in the hallways, but he was way far away and not in the hall that I was going... so I just craned my neck and stared for a second. I'm pretty sure he noticed that... hah. xD
I also passed right by him, but I didn't actually say hi... all the next period I was killing myself for it. And thinking about his purple pants...
English essay... I have to do one of these every week... blahhhhhhh.
If anybody wants to help me with it? xD
Um, as for updates on my life...
I talked to Senior today... he sortakinda talked to me. I mean, I was in a group again, but he actually did talk directly to me a little bit. >>
Ooh, and he was standing next to me... I found it difficult not to think about that. I kinda depress myself because of that... I mean.. I knew I was hopelessly romantic, but am I really -that- hopelessly romantic? Blergh.
Sooo.. yesterday I had band, which usually means hanging out at the school with my friend and Senior... it was awesome. He showed me a bunch of really weird/funny youtube videos... although I'm not so convinced that I would've found them funny if anybody else had showed them to me.. >>
The awesome part was that he actually was looking at -me- when he was like "Oh, you should see this video." It made me happy. :D
Has anybody else ever had those moments of some bizarro combination of extreme self assurance as well as really being completely unsure of yourself? Cuz I'm having one of those right now.
I really shouldn't say one of those, though. This is the first time I've felt this way. It's oddly pleasing, if only cuz it's one more thing that I know the existence of... Of course, it's also really annoying. >>