I've mostly been writing about Senior recently, just thought I should update you all on what else is happening.
So.. maybe I wrote this, but I told my dad I was trans. Now it's just a matter of confirming to my sister what she already knows and coming out at school. After that, I'll -finally- be Skylar for good... which is really exciting for me. I just want it to be at that point.
I found whose line. On tv... it's been forever. It's the best show everrr.
I missed it man... I'm so mad they stopped playign it every night..
Aaaand in other news, my friend just got called by Senior. Even if it was just him asking if she could give him a ride tomorrow... *sigh*
Ha, except, apparently, she was really tempted to say "I'm just gonna leave you with the name *insert not-chosen-name here*. Just let that sit in your mind for a while."
Right, so... I really wanna come out as trans at school... but I don't know how to go about doing it. My therapist person says I should tell one teacher or something and figure out what they think I should do... and he says I should tell the administration first. Problem is, there's never any time to tel the administration... and, I mean, I was hoping to officially do it on national coming out day, in my support of the day and whatnot, but.. I dunno how I'll be able to tell the administration by then.
Well, I should hope. I mean... if I wasn't then my parents have been lying about my age.
Yeah, yeah, that's not what I meant. Um, I'm just happy cuz he actually talked directly to me three times... that's a first with him. Don't get me wrong, I hang out with him a lot. But always in groups... it's rare that he talks -directly- to me. Aside from saying hello in the hallways..
Ohh, and he actually made semi-affectionate gestures. Like... joking sort... as in trying to block my way when I was trying to get to the lecture hall. That was happifying. :D
Today I signed up for our school's gsa. It's called Plahd... Anywho, it's exciting. Even if I probably won't be able to attend meetings, at least I'm part of it. :D
I'm also in the vegetarian club and the global warming club. xD
Yay club day.
Ugh... last night one of my friends decided to tell me everything there was that was bad about senior. So that I wouldn't like him. I'd be cool with that, cuz I'd rather not like him due to the fact that it makes me miserable. Issue is, I'd rather stop liking him of my own accord, not because somebody else told me that "he treats anybody he's kissed like his sex toy, and he's a horrible kisser anyways." I mean.... for gods' sakes, it takes a LOT to get me to like somebody... I hate to admit it, but I'm really picky.
I think I definitely like senior.... issue is, instead of being happy when I'm around him, I just get kinda miserable cuz there's no way that it'll ever work between us. Oh, and he probably wouldn't ever talk to me of his own accord, other than yesterday when he asked me if I could paper mache his face for him.... yes, there was a point to it, he's not actually an idiot. xD
My best friend is hanging out with Senior next friday...
And I had myself so convinced I didn't like him...
Stupid jealousy. *Headdesk many, many times*
Just watched it. Haha.... how horribly depressing and/or amazing. xD
(Get it? Horribly? Get it? Get it? Ohhh, nevermind...)
So my dad read the letter that I wrote him... that part is officially done. He says he's cool with it and just wants me to be happy, but... I dunno, he kept talking about how he had looked at women and wanted to be them and all of that... and then he went into a rant about how it was too passive to write a letter, that I shouldda talked to him face to face myself, that in the future when I have intimate relationships I can't handle it like that...
Gods... this week was freaking busy. ><
Yesterday I went to chill with my sister and her friends. Cuz they're totally my friends too... yeah, I'm weird. Anyways, I kept wanting to bring up Senior, and it felt like it got really obnoxious really quickly. That and I feel like everybody thinks I like him, even though I don't. He just makes for amusing stories... bleh.
Kay, good newss. :D
One - He actually talks to me of his own accord now. This is Senior, of course. It's pretty exciting. *Nods*
Two - I've finally figured out why I was so goshderned confused about him. It was cuz he's cute, and I don't know many cute guys irl. So basically he's nice to look at, but in terms of liking him as more than a friend for his personality... well, it's not happening now. I dunno whether or not it would int eh future. *Shrugs*
So... I'm currently in the process of writing a letter to my dad explaining what it means to be trans and telling him that that's me.... I really really really hope that I say everything correctly... and that he actually reads the whole thing before judging. I just don't know whether or not I'll be able to get myself to put it somewhere where he'll see it...
Wish me luck?
And give me a response to my last journal entry? Just for the sake of my sanity? Cuz I'm hella confused?
But then, after that, wish me luck again?
It's been far too long since I've liked somebody...
First, I've decided to change his name to Senior... it's much easier than nqc. ><
Yeah,b and practice today... nqc (not-quite-crush, cuz I'm horrible at names and whatnot) is the drum major.. sorta.. person. Mostly because he has no functioning trumpet. Anywho, so he was walking around, and I kept tryign to look away but when I stopped thinking about it my eyes drifted back to him. Except... I don't actually know whether it's because I like him, or because I feel like that's what should happen. But then, I thought I saw him today int eh hallway and I got all excited... before realizing it wasn't him... It was disappointing.