She ignores me on Facebook. It's like I don't even exist.
I thought I read the signals wrong.
But I talked to my straight friend who knows what's going on. She's like... well, this is what I would tell you if it were a guy. And I was like, good, because it's practically the same. It's that icky flirting/person of interest advice. She told me that I definitely read the signals correctly (especially after she overheard what she said once), I should just give up, she's not worth my time, and she's being a bitch.
People saw me. I was tipsy. I wanted to do it and I used my tipsiness to make it okay.
When you're largely still in the closet, the smallest things, the smallest means of flirtation, are a big deal. I didn't know people were watching, or that she told my friend.
But I wanted nothing more than that. But she saw it as taking advantage of me. But I wanted something to happen. But it didn't, and never will.
I'm amazed that it was taken as "hitting on" her. Because I am SO BAD at that. At least I did it right. And apparently she took it as a bigger deal than she showed.
I have grown SO MUCH as a person this past year.
I've gone to college. For the sake of anonymity, I don't want to go into details. But I am SO much more comfortable with myself. I feel like, "it's okay, I can do this!"
I went to the Coming Out Ball. I did a project on a gay neighborhood. I went to a party. Every guy on my floor pretty much knows I'm gay. The girls, not so much. I've heard homophobic talk from some of the girls on my floor, and I have a lot of conservative friends. I'm not ready to take that step.
I'm not out of the closet. Everyone thinks I'm a straight girl. Who just so happens has never had a boyfriend.
My best friend meant well, she really did. She knows this guy who's looking for a girlfriend, I'm single, so she told him to call me.
She told me about this guy and everything, and I'm like, "Sure, fine... whatever."
He calls, we wind up talking for like, over 40 minutes. Not one minute was pleasant. He kept saying things like how my friend said I was waiting for his call (not true, and she never told him that).
You know that girl that I talked about in my last post? That I knew, and who I had a crush on unlike anything I ever experienced before? But then she graduated and I don't really see her anymore?
I will see her next weekend.
And I hate to admit it, but I'm excited.
This happened last year, but I never had the opportunity to even say anything about it until now.
I was on a college visit with my mom last year. My mom and I are very close and can talk about almost anything. I really wasn't feeling the college visit at all. The school was really conservative and small and not what I was looking for at all. But they did have an activities fair. It turns out even at this college they had a gsa, and I went over and talked to them. They were really nice and it was cool just chatting, considering the whole day wasn't going so great.