(First of all, this not having the journals on the sidebar is annoying me more and more. Now I have to go to a whole other page to see what the new journals, the life of the party, are.)
Well another day, another wasted 24 hours spent anguishing over where my life is going.
I put this on facebook, but was actually pretty impressed with it. So here goes:
"When I was a younger kid than I am now, I always wondered why adults seemed content to walk all over the place. I wanted to run. Running was faster. Why not?
But then again, as a kid, there was a lot I didn't understand. There always seemed to be those secrets kept from me: drinking, sex, all those phrases and words I couldn't understand. Adults always seemed to be keeping almost everything from me. They were, and much of it for good reasons.
Boy, I'm never sure what does it. Today was just the most depressing day. It didn't have to be, I was just unhappy the whole time.
I was so fucking pathetic I went to 7 11 and bought a large bag of gummi worms and, FUCK, ate them all. I, like, never do that.
It sucks, because my usual method to deal with stress is actually much better: drinking. I drink for much of the same reasons I ride my bike and walk and, all too often, just pace my room: it helps me focus.
Well, I don't think I mentioned this here, but my orchestra went to Costa Rica for a week over Spring Break.
I could give you some bullshit travelogue, but I know it wouldn't mean much to you if you weren't there. I'll stick to the important bits.
First, the country itself. It's a beautiful country. It was the first in the world to have no army for itself, established in 1949, and looking at the people, you can imagine why. I can't imagine those people in the military. They're too nice.
Wow. I'm tired.
Between working and school and everything else I do, I'm just doing shit all the fucking time. I haven't watched a speck of tv or video games in months, not even intentionally, but simply because I just don't have the fucking time.
Sometimes I wonder. In the adolescent emotional roller coaster, I'm usually riding along at a relatively laid back, but rolling, pace.
It's kind of interesting:
I asked my parents for a goPro for Christmas, it was my only real gift. I don't know why I wanted one. I'm not really one of those people always posting videos of their exploits to see if they can't get a tiny round of thumbs-up applause.
I guess I had some sort of weird idea: I thought about the things I'd so much like to do when I grow up. I have so many weird and remote isolated mountains on my bucket list.
1. Shit. Today, while I was busy making pizzas at work, these girls came in. And if I was straight, I guess these are the girls such straight young guys as the hypothetical me is supposed to be massively attracted to. They didn't have much money, but wanted to order a pizza. After wrangling over whether they could afford a ranch cup (only 55 cents, but overpriced for that) I told them "I can give you 2 dollars off that pizza, there's a special going on, so special it's only for you."
I just remembered this site used to have a search bar, a real monster that if you clicked on it basically guaranteed that your browser would freeze for half an hour before coming up with nothing fruitful.
How long has that been gone, I wonder? I guess I don't remember seeing it for a while...
Sometimes I wonder if it's an actual problem that I enjoy being alone so much, or if it's just the society I live in telling me it's a problem.
I recently read an op-ed in the Seattle Times by this young woman talking about Facebook and basically how it sucks (and this hypocrite agrees) because, for example, when she imagines her dream-success, the first thing she can imagine herself doing is posting it on Facebook to let everyone know.
Brownie points to whoever can tell me where that came from. Hint: it's a very good book by a curmudgeonly author who died about 6 years ago.
Of course, the better title might be to replace "Mankind on Earth" with "my Life". First of all, I'm tired. Of course, I have school with my 5 AP classes, etc, and then I walk from there about 3 miles home, where I have about 20 minutes to eat, not having had anything since before school, and then I do a bike ride for usually about an hour.
The book I'm reading right now is interesting for a lot of reasons... It's called Trickster Travels, about a sort of Ibn Battuta kind of guy who widely traveled the Muslim and Christian world in the first half of the 1500's.
It lets me know a lot of history I didn't know before about golden age-era Islam.
It never ends.
So basically, as you might know, I was looking for a job several months ago, and after much searching I came up with a temporary position sign shaking for Value Village. This turned out to kinda suck. I mean, obviously, sign shaking for minimum wage is always going to suck, but no, it's much worse than that.
I'm tenser than I thought, I woke up yesterday with a real ringer of a headache, wondering why, as of course I just got a good night's sleep. Then I found my jaw ached like all hell as well, so I think I was grinding/clenching my teeth all night long.
The headache raped me all day till I took some ibuprofen and it went away.
I'm terrified of death.
I mean, most people are. But I am too, I mean I really am.
I don't know how or when or why this started, I just remember it's been going on for over a year now, I think.
Mmm things have been a bit of a downer recently. Slightly.
As most of you probably know, I got a job shaking signs at Value Village, hooray, I'm optimistic about the chances of it turning into a more permanent position.
I don't remember if I mentioned it here, but heading to work involves going through a bit of peril, living as I do next to the world's largest building by volume, the Boeing plant in Everett, and work is on the other side, and at about the same time I get on work, those mechanics are getting off.