I'm tenser than I thought, I woke up yesterday with a real ringer of a headache, wondering why, as of course I just got a good night's sleep. Then I found my jaw ached like all hell as well, so I think I was grinding/clenching my teeth all night long.
The headache raped me all day till I took some ibuprofen and it went away.
I'm terrified of death.
I mean, most people are. But I am too, I mean I really am.
I don't know how or when or why this started, I just remember it's been going on for over a year now, I think.
Mmm things have been a bit of a downer recently. Slightly.
As most of you probably know, I got a job shaking signs at Value Village, hooray, I'm optimistic about the chances of it turning into a more permanent position.
I don't remember if I mentioned it here, but heading to work involves going through a bit of peril, living as I do next to the world's largest building by volume, the Boeing plant in Everett, and work is on the other side, and at about the same time I get on work, those mechanics are getting off.
Watching Six Feet Under always gets me introspective, so here goes:
I don't really know anyone, nor does anyone know me. I mean, we're born alone and we die alone, but that doesn't mean we have to live alone. I know I've said that before, but it's more true now than it's ever been before.
It was a point of tired horror in my earlier shifts when I realized I was starting to recognize and compartmentalize separate pieces of garbage in my mind, remembering them from shift to shift.
A few pieces have been there since I started a few weeks ago, others have sorta blown in and out.
(Funny side note, in this article elph showed me:
I forgot to mention, recently I got a job, that is to say slowly my soul is being crushed.
i.e. I'm sign shaking for Value Village. Getting a job is hard, I applied at like a billion places and this is the only one I ever heard back from in any capacity.
(All my friends that have jobs got them either through a relative or even just a friend who already worked there, told them when to apply, vouched for them, etc.)
So I took it.
So, I signed up for the mailing list of this club set up by a Mormon kid in Cali, McKay Hatch, his club being called the "No Cussing Club".
Hehe, I always thought that was an interesting idea, a club dedicated to the idea of not doing something, and I was mildly curious to see what they sent out.
Well, heh, the first thing I got had this title: please keep sexual predators out of the bathrooms and locker rooms please help sign my sisters petition.
Interesting, thought I. It wasn't what I expected, here was the short letter in the email:
I forgot the linchpin in my thing about B last journal, the guy who I was thinking might be gay (/into me). So after he found out I was gay and showed special interest in me, I messaged him, this obscure acquaintance: Wanna hang out sometime or something?
Then he replies, same day: sure.
lol, i dont know what we would talk about or do, but yeah
HA. Does it get any gayer than that?
but failures always sounded better, let's fuck it up boys, make some noise!
Salutations, my friends. You may remember me, I forget how long it's been since I've been here and don't really care enough to check...
Anyway, I'll just do a quick run through of the haps, what I've been doing since summer:
-Went to Indonesia over the summer. It may sound fun, but my parents chose the old-person bus tour, which essentially means it's America, only with better food, warmer climate, and interesting animals. Still fun, but really, it was ruined by the setup.
Points of interest:
-The German scholarship rejected me
-Contrariwise, I entered another contest, this time for $1000, an essay contest on open government. We'll see...
-I've had several revolutions in thought since when I was last here
-I joined the Frisbee team
-I have a possible boyfriend prospect, but one that I'm not so much interested in
-I recently did the Day of Silence
-I'm currently 300 pages into War and Peace... Almost a quarter of the way...
Just posted this on Facebook:
If you wanted to get to the root of Western thought, if you wanted to find the place where our common cultural perceptions and assumptions are formed, where would you look?
The Bible, of course. Even if you're never affected directly by it, either because you don't read it or you don't believe in it, you're immersed in a culture that, though it has changed much, is still much rooted in this one Book.
Many people, most, really, in America, do, however, believe in the Bible through one interpretation or another.
Does this bode for good or ill?
Little carrot for you 'fore I realized...
I'll tell you all about it dude I'm sorry
will you forgive me?
everyone in there knew that as time went by they'd get a little bit older and a little bit slower...
they couldn't escape...
intended to pay for...
My past however many weeks since I've posted have been almost completely uninteresting, all that's really relevant is that I got for Christmas as follows:
1 White Album, by the Beatles.
1 1, greatest hits album by the Beatles
1 stereo, for listening to mentioned albums, and many others
1 book, The Fabric of the Cosmos, by Brian Greene
I thought this was good.
So I spent a good portion of today on a trail in a nearby gulch, sitting, and writing, trying to crystallize the spirit of Gandhi onto paper so I could put it on FB.
I kinda failed, here's what I have so far, but I need more:
When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it--always.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi