Watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36uAoe8e2dY&feature=relmfu&safe_search=on
But it makes me think. I've always known existence is temporary, but what happens after? I haven't really thought about it too much, but when I have, I basically thought, nothing.
It's kinda impossible to understand, it's not like you're floating in a black void, you're just gone, out, you don't exist anymore.
It could be terrifying, if you think about it. But I don't think it is. If you don't exist, it would be a logical impossibility to be aware of your own unexistence.
OMIGOSH! I JUST GOT TEA BUT I FORGOT TO GET THE DECAF!!!!! NOW I'M GOING TO BE HYPED UP ON CAFFEINE AT 9:30 AT NIGHT, AT JUST THE TIME I WANTED TO GET MORE SLEEP, AND NOW I'M NEVER GETTING TO SLEEP!!!! AAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!! THE CAF TEA IS FOR MORNINGS! MORNINGS! NOT NIGHTS! AAAUUUUGHGHGHGHG!!!! HELP ME! SAVE ME FROM THIS FATE!
I need to take a break.
I feel always tight. My muscles are always tensed, I take a while to loosen up. And I felt today like I went for a run yesterday like I do sometimes on Saturdays, but I didn't yesterday, but my legs still felt sore.
And when I went swimming at the Y today like usual, the workouts I usually do were harder than usual.
And I smashed my knee and it's been chastising me for it for days.
And I keep getting headaches. I think I need more sleep is part of it...
I have 10 minutes to write a journal, I'll reach out and grab an idea somewhere.
Wait, wait, on second, GOT-, no, bit of fluff, hold on, YES!
There it is.
What do you think of the idea of suicide?
I don't think it should be illegal or something, but I also don't think people should do it.
A lot of the people who do it are mentally ill in some way or another, and that's not good. But either way, I have 2 major problems with the idea.
Other than those of that which you won't get done, and the production lost by society, etc. These are the biggies.
So, I can't resist. I really liked where I was going with this, I see it as a stroke of brilliance actually, I think this was a lot more lucid than most of my writings, although I know it probably isn't and I'm probably alone in my thought of it being brilliant, but I liked where it was headed, and I really want to continue this tomorrow, cause I'll have time.
I thought I was done with this.
You can read my response at the bottom of this journal: http://www.oasisjournals.com/2011/02/last
Other than that, I still don't see where this has come from, and why Lonewolf is both leaving and condemning the site.
Please, really, tell me, I don't know.
But, for anyone in the future, if you think I'm being a stupid asshole, as I'm certain to be at times, tell me. The next day, I'm usually better, not quite as asshole-ish, and will see the error of my ways the previous day.
I still don't think I was, but that was a matter of opinion.
I was going to write a big essay, about something that's been bugging me for the past few days, but I'm way too tired.
I might write it tomorrow morning, but after that I leave for Bainbridge Island where I have a swim meet...
So I might also post it on Sunday. But it will get posted, and it is fascinating, I assure you.
But, there was another small thing I want to talk about.
On the school swim team, there's a kid named Brian. Brian has one more than the usual number of chromosome 21. In other words, he has Down Syndrome.
But he's probably one of the most admirable people I know.
BIG, BIG happenings here at the beginning of February, in the world of swimming.
On the 1st, Ian Thorpe, the Thorpedo, announced that he would be attempting to qualify for the 2012 London Olympics. HOORAY!
He is probably the beastliest, strongest swimmer the world has ever seen. His 400 free, he never lost once, for almost 10 years. He has held the world record for I don't know how long.
(So, I won't use anyone's answers, I've already done the assignment and turned it in today, but I found an e-copy of it, and it's interesting. I'll say what I thought later. It's a preread for 1984. Here it is, verbatim)
ENGLISH I HONORS
DIRECTIONS: For each statement listed below decide if you agree or disagree with it. Explain your reasoning providing specific examples, if possible.
A. Many citizens are not well informed of national and international issues and affairs.
A lot of the time, I imagine my life, like unconsciously, I'm not trying, but I imagine it as like a documentary or something. And I wonder if they did that thing where they have someone sitting somewhere after the fact narrating about what was happening.
I wonder if there was like a documentary about me, what would people say?
It depends on the person. Someone like Coach Lee would probably describe me as a good guy, who works hard, but thinks and talks more than is better for him. He spends all his time in his head, and doesn't just let himself go. And the boy can talk, jeez.
So, just watched 60 Minutes. (Just thought, they should make a sexy version of 60 Minutes called 69 minutes. Just sayin.)
And they made a double segment story about Julian Assange. I've never had any stimulating conversations about him, so I'll just write a stimulating journal about him.
He's an asshole. I'll say that right off the bat, because I think that is the word that embodies him. Not that it's original, he's like 5-10% of the Earth's population, but he's more of a dangerous asshole than most.
Saw the Exorcist tonight.
In a house with nobody else in it.
With not a single light save the tv on in the entire house.
It was intense.
For the past few months, I've been looking at a bunch of horror movies.
Why? I didn't really know why I started, I just did.
I was trying to find one that would really scare me, not just some bloody corpse coming out of a wall and startling me, but something that bona fide scares me, as in makes it hard for me to walk a dark hallway alone.
I've watched countless indie movies, Creep, House on Haunted Hill, Are You Scared Yet?.
So, today, I was walking home after school swimming, and on my way back I was stopped by this guy carrying a gas can.
Through much swearing, he aked if I had any change or anything, because he was out of gas, and didn't have anything to buy anything more, and needed to be somewhere but was stuck.
So, I took out my wallet and gave him a 10.
He was very thankful, and gave me his number, telling me to call him tomorrow night, and that he would meet me somewhere and pay me back, because I was doing him a big favor.
So I was going to post a poll "What's your favorite color?", because I'm interested to see if there's colors like blue that a lot of people have as their favorite color, as that's just what I've noticed whenever I've happened to ask.
However, as I pressed the preview button to add some more choices, it decided that my poll was spam and wouldn't be accepted...
I think, I hope, I have enough of what it takes to make Sectionals. If I don't, I'll kill myself.
No, I won't, but I'll be sad, because it'll be even harder to make it next year.
Part of the reason I want to go is so I can actually talk to some of the really fast people I hardly ever see. Like Yoshi, who's 13 and the fastest guy in our side of the country for boy 13 year olds, sadly enough. He's also pretty small and pretty hot, actually.