I think I know why I have been so tired recently. Ever since I posted about accidentally drinking caffeinated tea before bed, I've *ahem* warmed up to it, and started doing it every night, because it made it easier to do homework.
And I was having issues getting to sleep for like the 1st hour, when after that I'd sleep like the dead, after the caffeine wore off, but I thought that was okay, because as long as you're lying down and being quiet and closing your eyes, you're getting rest, not as good as sleep, but rest.
I think =3 is kinda lying Youtube down right now and ravaging it through every hole it has, while ripping several new ones and raping those too.
I mean, he reviews viral videos, but most of his videos are as viral as they get, like every video he posts usually has at least 1,000,000 views by the end of the 1st day.
And he's 2nd most subscribed now but he's raping Nigahiga again and again, and it really won't last that long I don't think...
So this is it, the exact point last year, where I stopped dropping time altogether in swimming, while everyone else is approaching me left and right.
The meet that is the same as the one this weekend was the worst one.
And I'm all out of shape, cause I went skiing for the past week.
So, the next few days and the meet are going to be make or break for me.
Because, I just feel so tired, I feel broken. First, I got lost, which I mentioned, where we crawled through snow for like 8 or 9 hours, with very little sleep, and no food or water for 24 hours.
So, some of you may have noticed I was gone for the past week. I was off skiing.
ANYWAYS, important things:
A question got answered for me. I have for a while wondered whether me or, say, a soldier in a camp on the march into enemy territory, has a better life. This is because me, living a modern high school life, have tons, dozens of tiny, niggling worries. And what really bugs me is that I have to care about them, but none of them really matter. At all.
So, as you all know I'm sure, there are literally billions of people on Earth. I'll never meet all of them, but I will have oppurtunities to know thousands and thousands over the course of my lifetime.
I don't have enough time to get to know that many people.
So, I have to decide who is not worth knowing, and that requires to be unfair sometimes, and so here is a list of general qualities I tend to avoid.
Watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36uAoe8e2dY&feature=relmfu&safe_search=on
But it makes me think. I've always known existence is temporary, but what happens after? I haven't really thought about it too much, but when I have, I basically thought, nothing.
It's kinda impossible to understand, it's not like you're floating in a black void, you're just gone, out, you don't exist anymore.
It could be terrifying, if you think about it. But I don't think it is. If you don't exist, it would be a logical impossibility to be aware of your own unexistence.
OMIGOSH! I JUST GOT TEA BUT I FORGOT TO GET THE DECAF!!!!! NOW I'M GOING TO BE HYPED UP ON CAFFEINE AT 9:30 AT NIGHT, AT JUST THE TIME I WANTED TO GET MORE SLEEP, AND NOW I'M NEVER GETTING TO SLEEP!!!! AAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!! THE CAF TEA IS FOR MORNINGS! MORNINGS! NOT NIGHTS! AAAUUUUGHGHGHGHG!!!! HELP ME! SAVE ME FROM THIS FATE!
I need to take a break.
I feel always tight. My muscles are always tensed, I take a while to loosen up. And I felt today like I went for a run yesterday like I do sometimes on Saturdays, but I didn't yesterday, but my legs still felt sore.
And when I went swimming at the Y today like usual, the workouts I usually do were harder than usual.
And I smashed my knee and it's been chastising me for it for days.
And I keep getting headaches. I think I need more sleep is part of it...
I have 10 minutes to write a journal, I'll reach out and grab an idea somewhere.
Wait, wait, on second, GOT-, no, bit of fluff, hold on, YES!
There it is.
What do you think of the idea of suicide?
I don't think it should be illegal or something, but I also don't think people should do it.
A lot of the people who do it are mentally ill in some way or another, and that's not good. But either way, I have 2 major problems with the idea.
Other than those of that which you won't get done, and the production lost by society, etc. These are the biggies.
So, I can't resist. I really liked where I was going with this, I see it as a stroke of brilliance actually, I think this was a lot more lucid than most of my writings, although I know it probably isn't and I'm probably alone in my thought of it being brilliant, but I liked where it was headed, and I really want to continue this tomorrow, cause I'll have time.
I thought I was done with this.
You can read my response at the bottom of this journal: http://www.oasisjournals.com/2011/02/last
Other than that, I still don't see where this has come from, and why Lonewolf is both leaving and condemning the site.
Please, really, tell me, I don't know.
But, for anyone in the future, if you think I'm being a stupid asshole, as I'm certain to be at times, tell me. The next day, I'm usually better, not quite as asshole-ish, and will see the error of my ways the previous day.
I still don't think I was, but that was a matter of opinion.
I was going to write a big essay, about something that's been bugging me for the past few days, but I'm way too tired.
I might write it tomorrow morning, but after that I leave for Bainbridge Island where I have a swim meet...
So I might also post it on Sunday. But it will get posted, and it is fascinating, I assure you.
But, there was another small thing I want to talk about.
On the school swim team, there's a kid named Brian. Brian has one more than the usual number of chromosome 21. In other words, he has Down Syndrome.
But he's probably one of the most admirable people I know.
BIG, BIG happenings here at the beginning of February, in the world of swimming.
On the 1st, Ian Thorpe, the Thorpedo, announced that he would be attempting to qualify for the 2012 London Olympics. HOORAY!
He is probably the beastliest, strongest swimmer the world has ever seen. His 400 free, he never lost once, for almost 10 years. He has held the world record for I don't know how long.
(So, I won't use anyone's answers, I've already done the assignment and turned it in today, but I found an e-copy of it, and it's interesting. I'll say what I thought later. It's a preread for 1984. Here it is, verbatim)
ENGLISH I HONORS
DIRECTIONS: For each statement listed below decide if you agree or disagree with it. Explain your reasoning providing specific examples, if possible.
A. Many citizens are not well informed of national and international issues and affairs.
A lot of the time, I imagine my life, like unconsciously, I'm not trying, but I imagine it as like a documentary or something. And I wonder if they did that thing where they have someone sitting somewhere after the fact narrating about what was happening.
I wonder if there was like a documentary about me, what would people say?
It depends on the person. Someone like Coach Lee would probably describe me as a good guy, who works hard, but thinks and talks more than is better for him. He spends all his time in his head, and doesn't just let himself go. And the boy can talk, jeez.