I can never tell. I won't bother to explain what happened or why I'm wondering this, it'd take too long.
But, sometimes I just feel that my brother can be such an asshole, because whenever I do something stupid, and know it, and are unhappy about it, if I tell him, the first thing he does is just start telling me how incredibly stupid I am and what a mediocre person for doing that.
RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! BUT THERE'S NO WHERE TO RUN, BECAUSE BIG BROTHER AND THE THOUGHT POLICE ARE EVERYWHERE! AUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
So, two completely random and unrelated questions:
Totally blanked. I totally just can't remember anything about what I wanted to say. I remember it was all neatly planned out, and now it's gone.
Well, anyway, I'm a little better than yesterday if you looked at my whiny journal with little spelling mistakes in it, as we had Saturday morning practice this morning at 7:30, which is the greatest thing in the WORLD, because you get up early, but not TOO early, then go do a swim workout which is hard, but not TOO hard, just a perfect workout in water that is cold but not TOO cold, the perfect water temperature for workouts.
So do you ever have times where you're just like feeling like crap for absolutely no reason?
Well, story of at least my past few days.
Usually, I'm pretty happy. Almost all the time, I'm cruising pretty well.
But, sometimes, I have either long slow descents that last a few weeks where I'm not quite as happy as usual for no reason, or I just have a few days where I feel like crap for no reason. Or a combination.
I've decided there's tons of variables, so I want one of my own.
I decided to make the sustaining variable, t.
Why t? t has always been one of my favorite letters, partly because it's the 2nd most used letter in the English language (e is of course first, but I thought like o would be second), and j is never used anyway.
t is a measure of your sustainability.
If you completely sustain yourself, but don't sustain anyone else at all, you have a t value of 1. That's what jungle hermits would have.
The way I see it, gays were once a minority (well, still are of course) that made a lot of people uncomfortable and therefore were hated and squelched.
Now, society has shifted in some places, and it is the homophobes that get the hate.
Well, hating homophobes, that seems to me, indistinguishable from being a homophobe. You're instead a homophobephobe.
I think that being a homophobe is not necessarily voluntary. If you're born in Wisconsin, you're less likely to hate gays than if you're born into Texas. Also, being born into a Christian family doesn't help, and strict parents, etc.
Well, I had usual political discussion with coach Lee today, about drugs first, but then it switched into other things.
And, what luck, in comes Uber Christian, and for some reason the conversation switches to gay rights.
I've wanted to know his views on the subject for a long time. I've known him a long time, and he's one of my best friends.
That's one thing I've been wondering recently.
I don't know why I thought of it, maybe because I was watching From Dusk till Dawn a HILARIOUS and random movie, VERY much Quentin Tarentino-ish, kinda like Pulp Fiction, except even more random, plotless, and fucked up.
And still very entertaining.
Anyway, while the characters show up into the Titty Twister bar, there are a bunch of topless women dancing around.
There once was a farmer
who lived on a rock
he sat in the meadow
just shaking his
(COCK) fist at some boys
who were down by the crick
their feet in the water
their hands on their
(DICK) marbles and playthings
and at half past four,
there came a young lady
she looked like a
(WHORE) pretty young creature
she sat on the grass
she pulled up her dress
and she showed them her
(ASS) ruffles and laces
and white fluffy duck,
she said she was
Ah, a lot of times I look back at journals back from the dawn of swimmerguy, and I'm like: hmmmm, I don't know who wrote this, but I HATE THEM!
Like, a year ago, I thought I knew everything about swimming, I thought I understood it in it's every aspect, from meets to how to best move water quickly, to how fast times are, and basically put on huge airs about how much I really knew.
Now, this year, I look back, and I realize I know tons more, TONS more about swimming than I did then, and I could think again that I knew everything, because there doesn't seem anything more to learn.
i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires
why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
I've been thinking of posting this for a while, but Dracofang's journal prompted me to now.
What the fuck am I doing on Oasis?
Well, I first joined because I needed a place for support, and I used it for that.
But now, I don't need much support anymore, and actually haven't for a while.
And I posted journals with philisophical ideas in them, but the people who always discussed in them are gone and nobody really reads them anymore.
I also tried to help people through tough times, which I don't really do much of anymore.
Sorry I posted twice today, but I don't do it very often.
We got a postcard about going to this guy's Eagle Scout ceremony for Boy Scouts, and I was like all surprised they hadn't forgotten about our house, because my brother quit like a year and 2 months ago and I quit a few months later.
But I just thought of this weird conversation I had that I'm nearly completely sure I've never shared.
Okay, so some of you remember Joe, from the swim team that I used to talk about?
I just get kinda annoyed when there's people who know every single football game and go to a bunch of them, and we have like 90 something people on the Varsity boys team alone, let alone JV and Freshman.
And our football team isn't even that good. We lose at least as much as we win.
But no one seems to know that our swim team is really really good, and that we have a great coach.
Sometimes I just can't help being Don't you KNOW that our swim team is like one of the best few in the state? Don't you KNOW that? If you're tired of the football team losing, just watch the swim team.
Ugh. I just found out that at Champs, which I was at, Ed the swimmer broke the NATIONAL AGE GROUP RECORD for the 100 free.
That means at that event he swam the fastest ever time for a 13-14 year old boy in the whole country.
And why do I have to be his age? If I was just like 4 months younger, I wouldn't be his age or his grade. I'd be one of the fastest people in the region for 13 year olds... The fastest 14 year old usually isn't THAT fast.
That means that now I will probably never be State Champ, which was my goal, and that's because Ed might win it 4 times in a row.