Sometimes, I'm happy for no reason. Or sad.
Probably a majority of the time, I view the world in a positive light. When I look at my life, I see good things, and hope.
Sometimes, and I look at the world in a negative light, sometimes for no reason at all. When I look at my life and the world in general, I don't see hope. I see all my inadequacies, and how sometimes you give your hardest, and you do everything you were supposed to, and things just get worse.
Well, the meet was pretty cool this weekend.
I'm not dropping time like I hoped though. On most of my swims, I added time.
There are two reasons for this. One, I'm on a wall, which is a period of a few months where I just make no progress at all. It happens.
Two, I'm working on new techniques. I've always been bad at technique, and this meet was my best ever for technique. When you change technique, you slow down for a little while.
During the past few days, I have had a lot of time to think. That’s been my main activity since Sunday. Most of my thoughts have been about swimming. If anyone cares to hear them, here they are, my thoughts about swimming.
But first, I really must give you something. A list of all the meets and times in ascending order. I’ll be talking about these.
PNS champs times.
Age Group Sectionals times.
Senior Sectionals times.
Junior Nationals times.
Summer junior nationals.
So, I hope that at least someone notices that I mysteriously disappeared Sunday. I shall attempt to explain in the shortest way possible.
On Sunday, I was at a swim meet in the morning.
But then, I began to get hungry. I called my dad to ask him if he could get me something to eat. But he wasn't actually at the meet. I asked if he could drive over.
Then, something happened I didn't expect. He started YELLING and SCREAMING. I imagine the whole house shook. I'd left an empty yogurt cup in my room.
I did something today I've never done before, actually been turned to tears at a television show. I was continuing to watch the final season of 6 feet under. Great show.
There's this old guy in the show, married to one of the characters, but he was emotionally unstable, and then they show you a lot of the reason why.
It shows him, maybe 6, sitting in a kitchen, fairly dirty house.
His mom kept him home from school, and he asks her why. She just said she wanted him there with her.
I had a good time today, until I realized something.
I have a big meet tomorrow. Next day too, I guess. But it's an invitational, you have to have gold times.
Hooray, I'm going with 3 other 11 and 12 year old girls.
Sometimes it seems like my swim team sucks. I'm one of 4 people with a gold time, and one of 2 that has a champs time. Out of 80.
Anyway, I really want to go to this meet, because then I can get that sectionals I think I can get. It's important to me. I've worked my ASS off for the past 3 months to get it, maybe a little TOO hard...
I'm fine if you're religious. I'm fine if you say those views openly in front of me. I'm confident if I was in a Christian family, I'd probably be Christian. However, I'm not okay when you're stupid.
You have said yourself that your priest says from the pulpit homophobic things, that gayness is a choice, and all that jazz.
And he has a right to it. And he should.
But, I really wish that before you just accept it as gospel, maybe think "Why?".
Why are gays so horrible?
Why would they make this choice?
Just THINK, just for a second. There a few things wrong here.
We had our second drug presentation done in school a yesterday. Those're always fun.
The district drug counselor showed us a video on Ecstasy. I always love these drug presentations, because the drugs always fascinate me. But I've always sworn that I would never try drugs, and DEFINITELY never get addicted to anything. I'm smarter than that.
I've always said swimming is my drug. And I'm starting to realize that's increasingly true.
You may notice I'm posting at a time I never post during the weekdays.
From 4:40-7:30, I never post anything. Because I'm at swimming.
I realized something at swimming today.
A year ago, I got a lot more attention and praise at swimming. That's because I was a star struggling to rise. Just starting to get out there and get good. Also, I was a lot lazier.
Now, I'm a success story, or rather, a success story in progress. If I continue how I am, and everything goes according to plan, in maybe another year, and certainly not more than two, I'll be the fastest person on my swim team.
This year, for high school swimming, a guy a year older than me, a freshman, and also SLOWER than me, made it to state.
Today I got angrier than I remember getting in a LONG time.
I had a dentist appointment, at 4:00. I get out of school at 3:00, but due to my incredibly inefficient bus system, I NEVER get home a minute before 3:50.
Someone had to pick me up if I was going to make it, and have time to pack for swimming after at 5:00.
But my mom forgot to tell my brother to pick me up. I called her after school, at 3:03 to ask her who was picking me up. She said my brother was doing it, and she called me back at 3:10 to say that she'd called my brother and asked him to pick me up.
We had a "meet" today. Just 2 hours. (Short for a swim meet. I go to ones that are 3 days, 10 hours a day) In the place of practice. Another team came to our pool, and we just raced them.
One girl, 12, suggested that I liked a MUCH older teamate. It surprised me, I didn't even know she knew I was gay. I don't "like" him. I just like him. He's cool.
Another girl, 11, came over and read some of the writing one of my friends at school on my hand, and SOMEHOW figured out I was gay. I don't even know how. Nothing mentions sexuality. *shrug*
I think that there are many words that describe me, but sometimes DOPEY just seems to be the right fit.
I've lost things before. Big things.
I lost my new swim suit at a swim meet a while ago. 40$
I lost my wallet with money in it when it fell out of my pocket. 70$
I lost my entire little gameboy backpack with all the games on a plane. 200$
Jeez. Why do I lose so many things?
I just do.
Well, yeah. I'm dopey. What are you?
Hey. If you have it, get out the movie "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves".
Then find the only dwarf without a beard. That's me.
I'm moderately intelligent, but sometimes I'm just so DOPEY.
I went to the YMCA today, and then my left shoulder gave out.
I didn't sprain it, or hit it, just....overused it.
I hope this doesn't affect my sectionals time...
But the worst part is, I've been feeling this on it's way for weeks now.
And yet I kept swimming. Kept using my left arm. And now my shoulder's had enough.
- I only ever eat food with one hand. If I find I'm eating with two, I immediatly feel fat.
- I invariably fold my dollar bills into thirds.
- If I happen to be eating any circular object, I have to break it into 7 pieces first.
- Whenever I'm writing something, I make all my f's into cursive f's, because I just like cursive f's so much. I wish I could do it on this keyboard.
- Whenever the word bad is used, I will break into a "Bad" (by MJ) duet with my friend Uber Christian, as long as he happens to be around.