I was wondering why people are homophobes.
There are two reasons.
1.) They don't understand LGBT people.
2.) They simply don't like gay people, bi people, or trans people, just because they regard it as "unnatural".
Well, guess what?
I don't understand straight people!!!!
If I try, I cannot imagine being straight. Or a girl. Or being trans. Or bi.
But that doesn't mean I'll hate straights, girls, trans people, or bi people.
If you happen to be someone who likes guys, or maybe just Madonna, this may be the music video for you.
A lot of semi-naked guys.
I, like I'm sure most everyone, though I was straight for my first few years of life.
Not that I knew what straight and gay were back then, but that's irrelevant.
Even when I had my first crush on a boy, I didn't even really know that it WAS a crush. I though I had a crush on a girl. I just didn't even know that gayness existed. I didn't know it was possible to have a crush on a boy.
Later, I realized I WAS gay. Oh no! When I realized this, I knew I'd eventually have to tell people. Someone. But that freaked me out.
The alarm went off at 5:00. I had gotten four hours of sleep. Fuck. I was tired all day. Then I couldn't sleep on the plane. Or in the car on the way to the Grand Canyon.
My parents started arguing on the way to the Grand Canyon. We had no camp gas, and didn't know if they had any at the Grand Canyon.
It got bad. They swore. And yelled.
Then, they got a little better.
Then my dad started saying that he has to quit the job he has right now. My mom doesn't work.
My dad says his job was causing all sorts of stress. He alluded to previous fights. Bad ones.
The desert air dried out my lips.
Good thing first:
I'm going to the Grand Canyon! We leave today for Sea-Tac. Day after tommorow we start into the canyon.
We're doing a backpacking trip.
It sounds pretty rough.
My dad said the packs will be about 30-35 pounds.
Not TOO bad, except that we have about 11 miles on the first day down to the river, 13-14 miles the next day climbing up then traversing along the plateau at the bottom, then 4.5 miles the last day, climbing out of the canyon.
I just all of a sudden thought my attraction to boys was weird. (parts of me speaking)
Gestapo me: "Hold on just a second there, my furry fine friend. Did I just catch you staring at that BOY?"
Me: "I swear I wasn't. Honest. I just really liked his shirt, and wondered about where I might buy it someday."
Gestapo me: "Nothing doing, pal. You're gay."
Gestapo me: "So. You like boys. Not girls."
Me: "WOAH. I DO. Oh gawd. All the other guys are talking about their girl crushes, and I just can't stop staring at this boy... Ew."
Most everyone here is still very young, so ENJOY yourself!
Our orchestra teacher was talking about this today. She's pretty cool.
But, there was a reason I mentioned it. You need to have foresight.
I was looking at old times for the swim team, and I saw myself, 10/26/2008.
I had a 49.20 on the 50 free.
Which isn't too bad.
I saw I'd gotten that time on 10/20/2007.
That time was over a YEAR old, and it hadn't improved doodly squat!
I had no foresight. I was not looking at the future. I was lazy.
I have had a strategy almost my entire short life.
Not exactly a strategy, it's just my nature.
When I started swimming, I didn't mind it.
But, I started getting better.
Sets got more difficult, coaches started getting on my ass more about making them.
And I got lazy.
I actually sort of dreaded swimmming, for over a year. But I kept with it.
I keep with everything. For years. I put so much mind numbing time into deciding whether or not to abandon it.
I have tried to NEVER make hasty decisions. I think in the long term.
I stepped up to the block. Ricky and Blake came over and wished me luck. They said they'd WOOSH me.
I got up on the block. I was paying no attention to anything but the referee.
He blows the whistle. "Take your mark. GO"
A great WOOSH from Ricky and Blake comes from behind me.
I have this. This is MY race.
But something isn't right. It just doesn't feel right. Back in OV, I feel I can sprint my heart out.
But here, I just don't feel right. Something about the atmosphere, the water, me, is just WRONG.
I come in, and look at the clock.
Today, we had the school spelling bee. To qualify, you need to be one of the top two from your class spelling bee.
I won the school spelling bee last year, only to go on to the Seattle City Spelling Bee and misspell the word schtolen. Which was weird, because it's German, and so am I.
Anyway, ex #1 was also in the school bee, and she's a good speller. I beat her last year when she misspelled squawky. We started with 71 spellers in the bee. The first round was BORINGGGGGGGG.
But there were a lot less in round 2, then round 3, then 4, etc.
Today, in Orchestra, we were organizing a spaghetti auction tommorow. We were deciding who would get jobs. Only a few people could get the good jobs, Italian Sodas and Desserts, and people would always try to avoid Sanitation.
There was only one Italian Sodas job left, and I still didn't have a job. A lot of people started asking for the job.
Normally, I would be okay with getting a bad job, but I was tired, and not in an incredibly good mood.
I finally came out to my dad.
He blocked everything on my computer. I had to tell him why I needed to come here. So I had to tell him I was gay.
So. Today, on the bus, I was sitting between 2 friends.
One, on my left, said "So, have you told your mom you're gay yet?"
Me: "Closer every day, but not quite"
Guy on right: "Wait, you're really gay?"
Me: *Dumbfounded look*
It has been mentioned, multiple times, by me and other people, that I'm gay in front of him. However, he apparently he thought I and other people were joking. Every time.
On that bus ride, he asked me if I was serious. 4 times.
What sort of straight guy makes jokes that they're gay multiple times and never actually denies that they're gay?
Life is amazing, in case you haven't noticed.
Most people have about 100 trillion cells in their bodies. That's a lot of cells. 100,000,000,000. Big number.
And, most cells perform thousands, if not millions of chemical reactions every second. I shall assume about 100 thousand. 100,000. Another big number.
If you multiply the number of cells times the number of chemical reactions in every one, you get 10 quintillion, or 10,000,000,000,000,000. That is the number of chemical reactions that go on every second to sustain your body.
Apparently my dad was installing Norton onto my computer. Anywho, I was making cider downstairs.
I come back up, and guess what website he was looking at? My favorite LGBT site. Here.
He was stressing out about figuring it out, I guess. He was acting overly chipper, which is never a good sign. He does that when he stresses out.
I don't know if he'll tell my mom, although I have a feeling she'll stress about it.