So Blue Boy and Cutefail broke up and I dunno for how long it'll be, but it was because Cutefail was being a 67 and flirting it up with every guy and kissed this other dude.
And I'm like "Seriously, I knew this was gonna happen"
The big question is, if he wants to get back with me (Which G Stubbornz thinks he will) what should I say? I know he's really douchey but he wasn't when he was with me. Also, I was sort of psycho and that's why he left, but now I've got a better control on myself. I've changed alot in that regard. I think I'm way more mature.
It just sorta crashes alot on me lately. I find that weird. I won this "Student of the Month" thing at my school, and you get it from one teacher and they sign it. I got "Courage and Perseverence".
My counselor signed it.
...I didn't know that was even possible. She must really think I'm special...
Dear mother, if you read this, that's a privacy problem. Stay outta my home!
Anyways, I'm super tired. Had a colorguard meeting yesterday that I'll try to write about after my long weekend... Gonna go dress shopping with Hannah! :)
"Suicide is a form of murder- Premeditated murder. It isn't something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind."
"Actually, the only part of myself I wanted to kill was the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy.
Or Basshunter, Aqua, Xamanist, or Cascada?
They're my favorites right now X3
So much technotherapy...
Techo, Europop, and Trance are my loves right now. Can't help it. They make my mind go fffffff and I just fuzz out...
Any good bands to share?
I swear, if things ever get that bad again, I will run away D: <
Luckily, a few VERY caring friends kept me sane. That whole thing was sort of embarrassing.
I'm reading this book called "Girl, Interrupted". It was made into a movie, too. Anybody heard of it?
I really like it.
It connects to me alot. It's about girls with mental health problems.
I need a place to stay right now, or I will kill myself. I swear. I can't stand this madhouse.
I've got $120 and good cooking skills.
I don't want to die. I don't want to try again.
But then I'd be doing you a favor, right, Mother?
"Oh fuck yeah, man! I love it too!"
We so needed one of you guys to be there XD Heard that yesterday after the parade.
Anyways... I keep not writing things on here, so this might be long.
This journal is not happy. It might seem so at first, but I'll go downhill slowly so that I don't dump you into my problems headfirst.
Friday was fun. I was outside all day, band practice in the morning, first period inside, second period inside, third period outside reading, fourth period inside, fifth and sixth outside for band practice, and then straight to the beach.
It was a half day.
I'm thinking quite lesbian today ;D
Today was pretty amazing.
We had band practice from 10-2 again, and I got super-sunburnt... I HAVE THE WORST FARMER'S TAN.
The best part was definitely lunch, when Pi was playing guitar and EVERYONE was singing along. We got the WHOLE band to sing "I'm yours" in unison XD and then our teacher, Mrs. Neptune, randomly handed me this piece of pastry, and she said "Here, for you, Shelby. Because I love you." X3
It was a cream puff...
Pretty Boys just look so good
and they would love us if they could
But Pretty Boys, they take your heart
and then they break it all apart
Well, Pretty Girls, they blow my mind
And Pretty Girls aren't hard to find;
But Pretty Girls would not want me
For the Pretty Boys are all they see
Poetry, my sin
The selfish indulgence;
For where else may I...
Oh, pause to write
Explaining my desires?
Fashioned from silver
Inlaid in gold
and crafted with
Where can I find the key
To these rusted barriers?
*and here and here and here and here and here and here and
I have to write this quick while my mom's out.
Tomorrow I have tryouts and I'm super nervous and stressed and not prepared so I stayed home instead of going to do something for my sister but she called and yelled at me "because I didn't inform her and be responsible" but my MOTHER WHO DOESN'T WORK KNEW and made it sound VERY CLEAR SHE WOULD TELL HER SINCE WE WORKED IT OUT AS I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL AOHSL:JAH:Lths;
It's super cheesy, but I thought you guys'd like it XD
His hair is golden
mess and curls
Eyes blue as sky;
A laugh like a rug
As it unfurls;
He's my favorite guy.
to us all,
He teaches me how to smile;
And when life
Seems to fall
He picks it up for a while.
You never make me mad
I guess it's true, I <3 you Chad :)
I also wrote a long, crappy one called "If"
If I had given it my all,
If I had flown and never fall;
If I had given it my best,
and went and passed every single test,
If I had done the selfish deed
Goddamnit. I accidentally backed out and I had ALOT WRITTEN HEREEEE
Let's re-write it, damnit.
LONG POST WARNING
I had a really eventful weekend. Friday I sat around and did my... Stuff. Watched a movie, ate, slept, ate, played my DS, ate, the usual. Speaking of eating, I'm gonna go make lunch. And THEN finish writing this.
Alright, lunch time por moi. Grilled cheese and onion sandwich, soup with green onions and shrimp. Yum. Can you tell I love <3 <3 onions?
Hmm I sorta eat like a college student: Using leftovers and cheap food.
I've become an emotional eater. P:
Really, really, really
I sorta kinda a little bit hate life right now.
I had a terrible night...
Forgot to take my pill, was forty minutes late.
...I think I'm just gonna go... Lay down. Yeah.
THAT IS THE WEIRDEST COMBINATION OF TITLES EVER
The first part will come later.
I dunno, I just thought about it. I have the best father ever :D He always buys me the stuff I want, never yells at me, is always proud of me, and all that awesome junk.
Ohkay, sure, he's embarrassing. But everyone else thinks he's funny. So that's alright.