I just feel unimportant to anyone right now.
I come home and I'm really just this roommate to my parents. My mom, dad, and I all eat dinner in seperate rooms. My mom only comes in to yell at me or to tell me to do something.
It's a really broken family, right now.
I wish my parents acted more like they loved me and tried to understand me instead of just shutting me out. I may be the one in my room all day, but it's them that force me here.
None of my in-real-life friends ever text me to check up on me or anything and it's really frustrating.
Colourguard is amazing, maaaan!
So our rifle tech went off to teach his own guard, and we got a new guy, and he is sooooooo gay.
Oh man. So that means all our coaches are gay now! Jmac and Amanda are getting married soon <3 and then JB, our leader, is super gay and his boyfriend's adorable, and then Mattie is super gay and ohgod <3
The only fun things anymore are physical therapy, lessons, and Colourguard. FRIENDS Y U NO WANT TO HANG OUT >:C
I'ven't been posting since nothing cool has been happening lately at all.
KT is off on a 3-week vacation so I'm kinda alone. My 4th of July sucked :C
Ah... I've been drawing a lot. I just finally got my tablet driver software to work on my laptop so I can draw on it :D
I've been playing Portal 2 and Ocarina of Time lately. <3 Also been playing pokemon, training myself a pretty cool team. If anyone wants to battle... :P <3
So last night around 2 AM, my sister's fiancee had a seizure in his sleep and had to be taken to the emergency room.
It was really scary. I've never had anything that scary happen before. He's thankfully doing alright, but the doctors don't know why he had the seizure yet and are doing tons of tests on him.
My mom and I drove to the hospital last night when it happened to see him, and he just looked like a mess :( When I got home, it was like 4 AM. I had physical therapy this morning at 10. So I'm really tired.
I mean, I told him I had to go do something, and then he figured out what I was up to, BUT I CHANGED THE SUBJECT.
AND HE BROUGHT IT BACK TO THAT.
Anyways, yes. Jbro is just... *shakes head* I don't even know anymore. If he's just being playful, it's a damn weird way of doing it cause he never cared before about that stuff.
Sorry I'ven't been posting much lately, guys XP
I've been such a sloth! Mom woke me up early today and we went out to go shooooppingggg :D
I bought three books :) One is called This Is Your Brain On Music and I <3 <3 <3 <3 it.
In fact, I wanna share a quote with you that ABSOLUTELY AMAZES ME
"Contrary to the old, simplistic notion that art and music are processed in the right hemisphere of our brains, with language and mathematics in the left, recent findings from my laboratory and those of my colleagues are showing us that music is distributed throughout the brain.
Oasis, help me out. I'm having super horrible headaches lately. What's a good thing to help it feel better? It's driving me nuts.
See, growing up, my mother's always been absent from my life emotionally.
She has really bad anger issues that were imparted into my sister, which is why my sister used to beat me.
But, me and my sister have learned to be different. While my mother is reactive, we aim to be proactive.
The difference is that, being reactive, you "react" to situations instead of aiming to improve them. You think things happen to YOU, not just happen. You think everything is everyone else's fault. You're easily put-off by people when they oppose you, or say something you don't like.
Your arguing is so gay.
ANYWAYS I have been such a lazy asshole and haven't written journals even though AWESOME things have happened.
...And I left this journal open all day and didn't write a damn thing so I guess that means I'll end it here.
Anyone going anywhere cool for summer?
OH MY GOD GUYS
But I have a completely legitimate journal to write with lots of questions.
You guys all know what Otaku's/Otherkin are, right?
People who believe that they're REALLY just an animal or a video game/movie/book/anime character on the inside.
That they're in the wrong body.
Oftentimes they're given slack for thinking that they're a wolf/Mario/Naruto reincarnated, because, what the hell... You're human!
But how is this really any different than Transgender/Genderqueers?
My private lesson's teacher says my viola is too small- not FOR me, but in general. The tone quality of it is bad, and combined with my cheap-ass $20 bow, I have to redo all of it to sound better or even IMPROVE from here on out.
Problem is, a new bow that'd be good enough? 100-200 dollars.
FOR THE BOW ITSELF.
My strings are 100 dollars, so like... Shit, man. My mom got pissed. She was acting like it was way too expensive.
Well, if it was sports, you'd have been like "yeah, that's fine!" in a freaking heartbeat.
I GOT SECOND CHAIR IN PS2
WHICH MAKES ME SO HAPPY
GOD YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS <33333333333333333333333
I should have been first, but the guy who beat me ALWAYS beats me :P I think it's cause he's a good leader. But now his ego will be OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAND! and I'm gonna get so pissed off XD
Also, wow. I feel soooo good right now.
Good music on, playing a little guitar, and just relaxing. No, the bleeding's getting worse, but shucks. Good day.
Tried to text J-man a little today...
WOW WAS HE PISSY :P
and I just told him like
Everytime I start this journal, I could only get the title out. It's going to be so emo and lame...
And then I stopped and I thought: No, that's really it. That's all I need to say.
But there's stuff behind it. A meaning. A purpose. And I know I gotta force my fingers to click on the keys until it all comes out and I can feel better about it. It literally is throwing up my emotions on the page.
I feel horrible. Not just emotionally, but physically. I feel like all of my meat and fat and skin are just falling off my bones.