Your arguing is so gay.

ANYWAYS I have been such a lazy asshole and haven't written journals even though AWESOME things have happened.

...And I left this journal open all day and didn't write a damn thing so I guess that means I'll end it here.

Anyone going anywhere cool for summer?

EDIT:

HURRAYYYYYYYYY <3

But I have a completely legitimate journal to write with lots of questions.

You guys all know what Otaku's/Otherkin are, right?

People who believe that they're REALLY just an animal or a video game/movie/book/anime character on the inside.

That they're in the wrong body.

Oftentimes they're given slack for thinking that they're a wolf/Mario/Naruto reincarnated, because, what the hell... You're human!

But how is this really any different than Transgender/Genderqueers?

My private lesson's teacher says my viola is too small- not FOR me, but in general. The tone quality of it is bad, and combined with my cheap-ass $20 bow, I have to redo all of it to sound better or even IMPROVE from here on out.

Problem is, a new bow that'd be good enough? 100-200 dollars.
FOR THE BOW ITSELF.

My strings are 100 dollars, so like... Shit, man. My mom got pissed. She was acting like it was way too expensive.

Well, if it was sports, you'd have been like "yeah, that's fine!" in a freaking heartbeat.

I GOT SECOND CHAIR IN PS2

WHICH MAKES ME SO HAPPY

GOD YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS <33333333333333333333333

I should have been first, but the guy who beat me ALWAYS beats me :P I think it's cause he's a good leader. But now his ego will be OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAND! and I'm gonna get so pissed off XD

Also, wow. I feel soooo good right now.
So good.

Good music on, playing a little guitar, and just relaxing. No, the bleeding's getting worse, but shucks. Good day.

Tried to text J-man a little today...

WOW WAS HE PISSY :P
and I just told him like

Everytime I start this journal, I could only get the title out. It's going to be so emo and lame...

And then I stopped and I thought: No, that's really it. That's all I need to say.

But there's stuff behind it. A meaning. A purpose. And I know I gotta force my fingers to click on the keys until it all comes out and I can feel better about it. It literally is throwing up my emotions on the page.

I feel horrible. Not just emotionally, but physically. I feel like all of my meat and fat and skin are just falling off my bones.

So I'm still bleeding.

and it's like, a liiiittle trickle, but I am so damn pissed. It's like, pointless to wear anything, but then I still smell like blood and it's groooooss!

Maybe I have an ectopic pregnancy :P

Just kidding.

Had a private conversation with the J-man today, exboyfriend. I'm just gonna go with J-man. It's easier and more casual.

I feel better but worse. I feel really guilty and bad about some stuff.

I just want school to end so I can stay at home and wait for him to be okay to talk to me again. I don't want to have to SEE what I'm missing, you know?

GLaDOS sounds so hot. Her voice makes me weak in the knees ;D Been playing it all day :)

T-rex came over yesterday, and had a lot of fun, I think. It was pretty great. She asked me where my viola was so we could teach her (Me and KT) and I was like "Oh it's in the closet, I'm sure you know your way around in there" and KT MISSED IT AND I WAS LIKE, NOOO, THAT WAS PERFECT.

anyways just an update.

Don't miss me while I'm gone.

OMG SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MY BODY D:
Hehe,
Or at least with my pills :P

I take birth control because my period is really heavy and the doctors told me they didn't want me to become anemic. It would usually last a week to two weeks before.

Well, I forgot to take a few pills this week and it started up. No biggie, took the ones I missed!
...My period is still going. Strong.
and it's been like, a week. I've ruined my pants and three pairs of underwear because it "stops" and I think "Yep, there we go!" and then BOOM MORE PERIOD.

RAAAAAAAGE

http://www.hns.org/Portals/1/Stages%20of%20Grief.pdf

This isn't the typical one we learned in school.

From this PDF, I basically get this out of it...

Stages in order:

Shock
Emotional Release
Obsession
Physical/emotional distress
Anger
Guilt
Depression
Withdrawal
Acceptance

And mine are just a LITTLE out of order...

Shock
Physical distress/Emotional release (The throwing up combined with crying)
Obsession
Withdrawal
Anger
...And that's where I'm stopped
somewhere between withdrawal and anger.

Chris says HELLO!

but I don't feel like it. My mood was like, a four, and now it's like, a two. And I'm lazy.

So here's a link to my Tumblr with the shortened explanation and I'm gonna go bleh now.

http://dracofangxxx.tumblr.com/

Very happy today. I think the emotionall stress is almost all gone- but my body's still having eating problems.

Blueboy's being lulzylicious. Acting all angry and depressed and shit.

Is this not what he wanted???

It makes me laugh, because he's the one who begged for us to stay best friends. And now he's ignoring and avoiding me and looking all upset all day :P Maybe he should decide what he REALLY wants before acting!

anyways, that might not be it. It might be other things about me he's mad about or something. Idk.

Anyways, I'm off to destress!

Good news: T-rex hugged me tons today, told me she was here for me, and then said "I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED...A SLEEPOVER. WITH ME. THIS WEEKEND. IT'S ON.
OH WAIT I HAVE TO GO TO MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE OKAY NEXT WEEKEND THEN".

;D

And my god her boobs envelop my face when she hugs me! Awesome.

found a few more people I can talk to and they're pretty cool. They relieve my stress.

I actually wasn't that upset today- I'll get to that later though.

Well, he broke up with me.

But...
I knew this was gonna happen, either from me, or from him.

He said that he really loves me but isn't IN love with me.
And I really knew that. I kinda figured it out for a while.

He also said I'm his best friend- And he looked like he was on the verge of tears at breaking up with me. I mean, he was very upset. He kept saying "I really do love you, I love you so much, but not in the way I need to" and he said he couldn't give me what I want.
And I just sorta sat there. I didn't even cry. I was just in shock.