I know I love her but i don't think I am IN love with her.
Does it really Matter?
After weeks of careful consideration and soul searching, I have concluded that I am heteroflexible.
Guys are fun to fool around with, but when it comes to romance and dating I would much rather be with a woman. There is just SOMETHING about them.....
first order of business: anybody who dares to utter " two thousand and ten" needs to be bitchslapped. Its TWENTY-TEN, people....
I have a date tomorrow night. Only my second REAL date ever.
Mother-Thing is a flipping moron. She thinks that if she goes to bed @ 9:30 PM , than everyone else mustve gone to bed at that time as well. I went to bed around 1:30 AM, woke up around 6, went back to sleep and got up and out bed around 10:30. Mother- Thing carries on and on that I don't need to be asleep for 12 hours. 12 hours? In what screwed up universe is 1:30-10:30, 12 hours?????
eight days in florida are never enough, especially when the temperature most of those days is rather chilly. blarghh!...... Father broke up with his girlfriend and not on amicable terms either. This sucks because I've started to become good friends with her eldest son.
I had a few really nice phone/text conversations with Littlefoot while I was down there..... it got me thinking about the nature of our friendship. One night I had an x rated dream about her....
Thursday Night was the New Member potluck/second orientation session. Friday night I went to the late service and stayed afterward for the 20's/30's group shabbat dinner. I had a good time. Afterward it dawned on me that I am becoming the kind of person that only years ago would have intimidated the crap out of me. A young adult
"What do you do?"
the first time anybody had ever asked me that, I was 21. a very young 21. 21 going on 11... But last night I schmoozed with my tablemates with ease.
Oh, and by the way, the women were gorgeous.
Today( well technically yesterday) was fun. I met up with Littlefoot after her therapist appointment then we walked over to Starbucks. Usually when we're just getting drinks or snacks or whatever I pay for the both of us but today however I had to be stingy and save what little cash I had for transit fare. Bastard MTA. I hate having to cough up $2.25 per ride. at first the guy at the register charged us together although I had told him not to, it's my fault he didn't hear me. I was chewing a piece of gum at the time.(whoops)
Ok, so i know that at this point that branding myself with a label is inappropriate but I've been putting things in perspective and this is what I've realised. I've had strong emotional attachments to men, yes, and I've also had strong emotional attachments to women. I can and have felt romantic feelings for guys but at this point I cannot say that men do anything for me sexually. Sure I've done "things" with other guys. Things which felt good physically but emotionally left me feeling empty. I guess thats what i deserved for getting involved in these semi- arbitrary encounters... Ugh.
Brother, Brother's Girlfriend, Mother-Thing, and I all went out for some yummy Thai food.... Good times....
Mother-Thing of course had to start bitching as soon as we left their apartment.... Something about how Brother and I don't give a shit about her. " You hate me, your brother hates me, brother's girlfriend hates me"
What gives her the idea? That we don't exactly worship the fucking ground she walks on?
I said to Mother-Thing,
" What the hell do you want from us, you have two twenty-something son's"
" What is THAT supposed to mean?"
I'm taking the day off from doing any coursework, tomorrow however I need to go to library to do the research for for the other three questions of the LRFP final. Tonight, Brother, Brothers Girlfriend, Mother-Thing( hah!! yes thats how I'm referring to it from now on) and I, are going out for dinner to celebrate Brother's Birthday. It was great having the apartment to myself the past couple days while Mother-Thing was down in FL for a wedding... I wish she could've stayed down there a little while longer, but what are you going to do, right?
I was unable to make it out to Brooklyn last night for Brother's Birthday Bash. I got to see him for a bit beforehand and gave him his presents so that was cool at least. Yesterday was the last day of Legal Research, Today was the last class for Legal Writing. Litigation I ends next Sunday...
The take home finals are due Dec 19th, December 27th, and Jan 4th respectively. Better start kicking ass....
Littlefoot comes home from college on Tuesday, :)
1) I've been in the process of figuring myself out. The fact that he has a gay son is not something which he wants or needs to know.
2) Much of my current social life, intersects with Brother's social life( through the music scene particularly), Father and Brother are estranged, so Father has no need to know Brother's business. My business is within degrees of Brother's. So if Father knows mine he knows Brother's as well.
On that note, Brother's Birthday Bash is tomorrow night which is awesome, but I have a 9 AM class the next morning which is definately not so awesome....
When is the right time for one to start coming out to family and whatnot?
i've been thinking that it should be sooner rather than later, I'm already twenty-four as it is.... I have been under the impression that my sexuality should remain a non-issue to others until the day comes that I am in serious enough relationship.
Does one appear stronger coming out alone or with another by their side?
The thing is, I don't want to shock anybody.
Went to barnes & noble earlier and purchased a couple of things using the giftcard nana had given me as an early hannukah present. Brother's birthday is on saturday so I bought him a book to go along with the classic punk compilation I had gotten him. Dance of Days: Two Decades of Punk In The Nation's Capital. For myself,I purchased Jeanette Winterson's novel Lighthousekeeping.