Okay, so with exams I have lots of free time atm because im pretty much done them all except one. This is why I have been reading so vigorously. Ive read one series about gay vampires called Archangel Academy (Unnatural, Unwelcome, Unafraid), a si-fi book called Carnival by Elizabeth Bear which was strange and interesting. There is one im about to start called Call Me By Your Name by andre aciman.
Ok, well things could be better. Tomorrow is my last day of class then finals and everything is agitating me. We're trying to sell our house so all I do is clean and yard work. I never have time to myself. We thought we had a buyer today but their offer was a slap in the face. This has kept my mom in a perpetual bad mood. And my father on my ass about school costs and car insurance. Which I'm paying. He gets mad about the price and takes it out on me. When really I have no say in how high tuition is. My friend Lizz is in a really off mood, she's being a real bitch.
So I haven't been on here in a long time so I'm going to try and make this shorter than it would be. Lol. Well my first year at university is almost over and its been fun. I gave a guy my number, his name was James, nothing really came out from it but i tried. Passed all my courses and learned Spanish my first semester, well part 1 and 2 Spanish. Now I need to learn part 3 and 4. Second semester went well too. I've had a chance to mke some great friends, and find new male interests. A guy I find majorly hot is Marcel, he's in my politics class. Idk about him but I'm going to try and find out.
Im coming out to another one of my friends, one that i trust. Lizzy, we're also going to prom together as friends. Hopefully. She might be able to help me talk to Ricky, the guy i like. And i might come out to another one of my friends, Nicole. She hasn't been my friend for long but she seems trust worthy and is friends with Ricky. Me and Nicole started to do origami which we surprisingly find fun. It is relaxing and stressfulat the same time.
Ok so where do I start? Everytime I take one step forward, life throws me three steps back. I need to find a new job quick b/c im running out of money, and i still have to pay for university and car insurance. Me and Ricky are talking but not in public or face to face, all we seem t do is message each other on facebook. :( Wish I could get some one-on-one with him. For the past three months I've been harassed about being gay and being in weight room.
Its been awhile but i guess tht shows by the date of my last post. Well recently i got a job, been terminated b/c they didnt need me anymore. Told my best friend im gay. I had drawn a pic of the guy a like and he found out so i ended up covering for it. We've been playing hide n' seek with our eyes a lot lately so idk wuts up w/ tht. lol Ive been harassed on formspring by some asshole saying everyone thinks im gay and asking me if i am, but the belligerent ass was just full of it and when i questioned his reason for asking me he shut up.
Ive Come Down With Love
Got bit by the bug!
im sick and feel comfused.
I think i might love him.
Ok everyone ive got news!!!!! I'm the new Senior Editor for my schools newspaper, and im like totally excited! I have so many ideas about what i want or how i see the newspaper, how i want to shape it. :)
I'm also kinda excited a/b this b/c im going to see if i'll be able to go to all the away games w/ the senior football team to write the sports article and take a few pictures. (and well so i can see all the hot as hell guys, did i mention they have the most sexiest asses EVER!) lol.
ugh things w/ the fam are crappy as hell, and i cant put up w/ there bullshit all the time so school is my hero cause it gets me away from them.
but w/ this new "hero" comes the old drama of friends, enemies, frienemies, bitches and boys! one of best friends best friends hates me and makes me fell like crap even tho he doesnt even know me, he pretty much only knows my name. (he's a hot jerk w/ no communication skills, or at least less then a brick wall).
im infatuated by a straight boi who knows how to make cocky look SO hot! great huh?
well im back, this is my first journal in awhile. let me catch u all up to speed. im borderline depressed. or somewut bi-polar. one day im home alone sad and mopey the next im out w/ my friends and happy as can be. i guess im learning a lot a/b my self this summer. ive learned tht im weak, im not as strong as i thought i was. i havent been able to come out to anyone even though im trying but when ever im a/b to im discouraged by somehting a friend says or does. :( i want to come out to Hayden, but i dont know how. btw my cousin Meg's aunt is dating his dad.
OMG! The last time i wrote on here was like Feburary! A lot has happened since then (not really but w.e. i like to think a lot has). Well my feelings towards a lot of guys have changed. Brett is a total jerk, Lorenz could be a nice first boyfriend, if i ever talk to him. Hayden, well Hayden is Hayden, Don is a straight motha fucka (o-well, at least i've seen him naked. and damn, that boy is fine!), Ricky is still weird as hell but just as funny, Dom is well quiet and invisble, don't see much of him cause he don't work at walmart anymore. Well thats it for guys now back to EVERYTHING else.
Todays my birthday! im 17 now and im like totally happy because todays a snowday too, so i didnt have to go to school!!!! :)
I'm going crazy here. ok, sometimes guys i like will do something thats kinda gay and then next they do something so straight i know they cant be a bender! it like totaly sucks, i wish they could stop all the teaseing with their hard bodies and be easier to read, cause when i try to read them i get kinda distracted. lol im so whiney but hey, im going crazy. :P
I didn't know these two people well but in the past two months two eighteen year old girls have died that went to our school. its been the worst year for our school so far, 1 serious car accident, 1 fatal car accident resulting in S's death, and 1 fatal drunk snowmobile accident resulting in the death of C. they will both be missed and i just hope their friends and family will be able cope. its sad that i saw their faces every day and now i never will again, their faces will forever be in my mind with empty hollow voices, cause i never had a chance to get to know them.
anyone know if "Gaydar" actualy works cause if so i want a refund cause mine faulty. i was going to ask a guy out (i know big move) but then when i start talking with him he says he has news and asked if he could go first. so i let him cause he was excited. then he says that hes going out with one of our best friends and "she" was coming over to his house later on. then he asks my news, god did i feel dumb! i said this word for word, "I...I forgot. um good for you and _ ." Then i smiled and said i had an essay due and left.