a.All of my hatred is self hatred. I just focus some of it on others. I hate their flaws, but only the ones that are also my flaws.
b. Congrats Dave. You mastered an elementary idea in Jungian psychology.
c. "Jungian" is my favorite psychology-related adjective.
a. I could be having fun, but instead I am bemoaning old friendships and writing angst journals.
b. Why don't you just forget it and have fun then?
c. I will--once I finish this journal.
Alone on new years eve. Not really upset about it any more. I take way too much comfort in knowing that I could have a boyfriend if I wanted one.
My attraction to older men worries me. I'm afraid that when I'm actually older, it will flip flop and I'll like people way younger than me. This is probably stupid.
Being gay or bi, you can embody what you want in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You can do your best to look and act like you want your somebody to look and act like, and then it's easy to find each other. It sounds nice in theory, but I'm not so certain it works.
ODYN: I now understand how people can be such whores when they are drunk. (I am obviously not speaking from experience)
DVA: Alcohol doesn't really make you more confident or courageous; it just makes you care less. If you have confidence issues, it's difficult to distinguish between these two sensations.
TRI:There are many, many things that are more important that being yourself.
An Incredibly Self-Indulgent Story: About a year ago I didn't really like myself, so I started to change myself. It started off as little things; working out more, being more social, trying to become more organized. It's been panning out surprisingly well, and I am fairly content overall. But at the moment, I feel stuck.
It's like I'm trying to jump tried over this large gap between old me and new me. Right now, I am caught mid jump; I know who I was and who I want to be, but I have no idea who I am now.
So a cute stranger smiles at you every time you pass them on your way to class. In response, you:
a) Return the smile, and try to find out more about them. This could turn into something.
b) Introduce yourself; even if they don't like you, it doesn't hurt to make new friends.
c) Return the smile, but stop there. If they like you, they should make the first move.
d) Stare at the ground, tell yourself it's nothing, and get the hell out of there.
I almost just wrote an entire journal about my foil. Maybe I figured that if I wasn't writing directly about myself, it wouldn't be considered naval-gazing. But realistically, writing about your opposite is really just another way to write about yourself.
So, here we are; stuck without a topic for this journal.
...like Oasis is some online, strictly glbt version of Degrassi or something. We have reoccurring characters that eventually get old and leave, and this constant influx of new characters. And drama. We have drama.
And sometimes people will respond to a really old forum topic, and once you click it, you are presented with all these people from 2003. It really shouldn't, but it blows my mind. I mean, Oasis was around when I was in elementary school. It's crazy.
Man, this is one classy journal entry. I just compared something to Degrassi, and I'm writing like an eight year old.
So, Orsino, one of two things is happening to you. Either:
1) Your close friend and trusted consultant Cesario is actually a beautiful and cunning woman from a distant land, searching for news of her deceased brother whilst struggling to hide her feelings for you, OR
2) Your gay best friend has a crush on you.
I don't like this journal. My mind wont sleep, so I'll write a new one. Later, that is.
1) So, Zachary Quinto is gay. This is surprising to people, and I don't know why.
2) I'm going to transfer. I make bad decisions all the time, but this isn't one of them. I'm not going to spend this much money throwing my life away.
3) Gaydar is a fantastic and horrible thing to have. Sometimes it's less stressful not knowing, but I still always want to know.
Some days I make comprehensible journals, and some days I just need a way to tell the world how much I fucking hate it.
0)I just wrote the equivalent of a three page essay. I deleted in though, so there's that.
1) I have this tendency to want to sort people into lists based of demographics, psychographics and hobbies. Then I could compile some sort of database. That way, I could use the search terms "single, gay, camping" and I could have a list, and it would be so easy.
2) Getting to know people takes so long, and it's always disappointing if you end up not liking that person. It's like all that work was for nothing.
I'm too afraid to vent about people from my life on here, because I fear they wouldn't be okay with their drama going on the internet. But I still need to.
So here is the short version of events; my trio of friends might come to an end because the other two can't be in the same room together. Yay!
In much brighter news, I go a university with many attractive men, as well as many shirtless men. There is a high overlap between these two groups. I don't actually like any of them though.
And we got a few things to say to our dear Oasis friends.
Okay, okay, so apparently there are real-life superheroes. LINK!
I know; fucking awesome, right? It's so tempting. Okay, they probably get their asses kicked a lot and don't do a whole lot of actual, effective crime-fighting. But then again, you'd get to tell your grandchildren about the time you spent being a superhero.
1) I was secretly hoping the people I hated from High School would all be fat by now. Alas, not yet, but I am content to wait.
1.5) I don't understand people who pursue those who are much better looking than them. I mean, you're expecting them not to be care about looks while you are being extremely superficial yourself? Besides, it would be awful to have to constantly think about how the other person is "dating down" in other people's eyes.