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Things I learned from this week:

1) Just because people like you and like being around you does not mean you are a good friend.

2) Acknowledging your shortcomings is a really stupid thing to do unless you are prepared to work on correcting them.

3) I'm more mature in ways I don't want to be, and less mature in ways that I do.

4) I should really sleep more and think less.

5) I can't even remember when I stopped caring how much I hurt my dad's feelings.

6) You can use awkwardness as a tool to make others uncomfortable. You probably shouldn't, though.

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The Online Profile: A Translation

Just a few common terms and their english translation.

"I'm a chill guy" -I want desperately to appear straight.

"Masc. and discreet" -I'm deeply closeted, possibly permanently.

"I'm just a normal, caring guy" -There is something very wrong with me that you will probably not discover until much later.

"I'm funny" -See above.

"I enjoy philosophical conversations and being intellectually stimulated." -It's very likely that I use marijuana. It's equally likely that it takes little to intellectually stimulate me.

"I take care of my body" -I workout because I am vain.

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Revved up like a douche?

I can't see very well. Something from the pool today screwed up my vision, so for the last ten hours everything has become blurry. This means two things:

1) There may be typos in this journal, a fact that will bother me much more than it really should.

2)I've been walking around leering at people because I can't make out their face without squinting. I already come off as a little strange, so I'm sure this will just add to my generally creepy aura.

I have no idea what to get/ask for for my birthday. Any ideas?

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I Want Your Whiskey Mouth All Over My

But, alas, I am not blond.

1) I don't think I will ever enjoy a piece of classical literature more than I enjoy Harry Potter. I realize this means I will probably never be a scholar, but I don't really care.

2) Today, I broke my kayak, lost my temper, and found out that I've accidentally overcome my greatest fear.

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and witty, and gay

I will openly admit that I am vain. How I look is important to me, because of five factors:

1) I want to be in a relationship. It always helps to have as broad an appeal as possible, especially when your dating pool is limited. Furthermore, at the moment I don't think I have it in me to "make the first move". I'm also a little desperate; I mean, you can lower the prices all you want, but nobody's coming in to shop unless you put up a pretty display.

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1) The moment a straight man wears spandex in a public place, he is officially fair game for ogling. I'm looking at you, road bikers. Literally.

2) I tried to watch Despicable Me last night, but I just could not finish it. Two of those little girls where little brats. You know a movie is failing hard when you find yourself hating orphans.

3) The best/worst thing about whitewater kayaking is that about 70% of your fellow boaters are dilfs. Hot older men? Awesome. The fact that they are all heterosexual? Not awesome.

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That is an excellent question, Onika. Just who is this Peebo fellow? And what relationship does he have to the actual location of "them girls"? These questions and more will be answered later in the broadcast.

Anyways, why'd I start my journal like that? If you couldn't tell, my sudden and undesired obsession with mindless mainstream pop music continues. Why is this happening to me? I was such a freaking music elitist when I was younger. My favorite band when I was in middle school was Cake, for Christ's sake.

I'm in a random mood. Not sleeping is not good.

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Drip Drop

Since it's raining, there might as well be a rainbow.

(R)Passive people are never idolized for anything. Actually most of the time they are held in contempt. I think this world would be a better place if people could learn to be more passive.

(O)Every time someone hurts or insults one of my sisters, I get the overwhelming urge to ruin their life.

(Y)I am very emotional today. Or maybe, I'm just so used to being emotionally flat that the smallest bit of feeling has sent me reeling. Well, that's settled. Internal rhyme can make anything sound stupid.

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Okay, this should probably be in the forum section, but I'm only halve sure people ever even go there.

Anyways, who here has a GYC (Gay Youth Corner) account? 'Cause if so, we should totes "connect" (it's like friending on FB) on there.

Yeah, there's basically no point to doing that because we can just communicate on Oasis, but whatever. I haven't been on that website in forever and I need an excuse to use my account.


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Hoist Them Sails

"I wish we could just put all those gays and people like that on an island."

YES. Lets do this.

Now, a tropical island is tempting, but there are other factors to consider. Price of insurance, for example, would be much higher in areas prone to hurricanes and tropical storms, and that shit sucks to deal with anyway. Also, eroding coastlines, oil spills, and bugs.

No, what we need is an island in the great lakes. I mean, freaking google the Apostle Islands. Beautiful.

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Forever Alone

I'm home alone for the week. The whole week. The longest I've previously been left alone is one night. It's weird.

At first I was very excited, and now I am less so. I am bored. I've been giving myself chores to pass the time. So does anyone know of any good movies? Books? Video games? ANYTHING?

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I just spent an hour writing a stupid fucking journal entry, only to get randomly logged off as I hit submit.

SO, I'm going to go beat something, stress eat, run, whatever it takes. Once I'm calm, I'll come back to this bullshit and write a new entry. I'll probably just edit this one. Nobody will know the difference.

In the meantime, I will take my revenge in the form of formatting. Italics motherfucking everywhere!

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A well documented fact:

There's a direct negative correlation between the availability of someone and their attractiveness. In other words, the more attracted you are to someone, the less of a chance you have with them. ("less of a chance"? Is that grammatically correct? It doesn't sound right...)

Know what's really bad about this rule? The reason you can't be with them could be anything. In other words, they could like you back, but other factors get in the way. Like them being in the closet, or being married, or both.

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But Know what I've discovered? I cannot stand people who are spoiled. Not "mommy buys me everything I ever want" spoiled. The more subtle kind. Like when people are really picky eaters just because they never tried different types of food. Or when people make faces at a room that is not perfectly clean, or get offended over the drop of a pin.

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Good things about being a gay guy:

1) You learn to accept femininity. I can't tell you how often I've seen straight guys act like slaves because they're obsessed with seeming completely macho.

Example: My dad pays 30$ every month for a crappy haircut. The reason? He goes to only hair cutters in town that have a sports themed interior. Apparently, he hates the "feel" of Cost Cutters.

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