Know what I decided?
I fucking hate my birthday.
Seriously, is it just me, or could it be that NOBODY IS POSTING JOURNALS. Gah. I realize that it must sound like I'm angry, but I'm not. Just very, very bored. If all goes as planned, that word should be italicized. Yippee.
I've been stuck on my go'ram bed since monday, puking, and other stomach ailments. That's not true, actually; I've spent plenty of time on/around the toilet, and we did actually leave the house. I got to got the ER.
BUT I haven't puked recently so I shouldn't complain.
I'm wearing a shit-ton of eyeliner and writing in my journal. This makes me both very gay and a multitasker. I don't really feel like explaining.
I got my roommate assignment today. The problem is, the only thing they gave me was a name, and I have no clue how to find this person.
I also can't decide when and how to come out to this person. I think it would be good to be honest up front, but it might be easier just to wait; it's one year, and I doubt we'll be that close.
So I've been watching one of those series of discussions about "Can religion and homosexuality co-exist?!?!", and really, I don't see the point of discussing it.
Yeah, the bible explicitly states homosexuality is wrong, but since when has religion made any sense anyway? There are contradictions in there already, so I don't see why they can't just throw in another one and call it a day.
Exactly what it feels like to be a model.
Yesterday at five in the afternoon, I started puking and I didn't stop until six o'clock this morning. I haven't eaten since, and the only thing I've had to drink is gatorade, the supplement to the continued barfing. In other words, no fun.
I'm feeling better now, though my fingers are tingly and I'm extremely light headed.
Realizing that probably ninety percent of journals on here start with the following sentence will not deter me from using it as well.
So there's this guy. Yeah, I know I've been angsty lately, but just stick with me.
He's way smarter than me, and probably way smarter than you. He's not exactly adonis, but if I was looking for a brainless body, I'd go to the morgue. He has the sharpest wit of anyone I've met, and can be pretty cruel in it's usage. But he's pretty quite, and I'm quite, and on the very few occasions we've been alone, it was a major awkward-fest.
I've noticed something about my friendships; I'm nothing more than a surrogate boyfriend.
Every single close friendship I've had has followed this pattern. I befriend some girl who's lonely, and even though it is completely platonic, it becomes like a fucked up role playing exercise.
But it always ends the same; I get dumped when they find an actual boyfriend. The first time this happened, it took at least a month or two, but this recent one took two weeks.
My town is small and in a valley surrounded by tall mountains. This valley is not idyllic in any sense of the word; it is broad and dry, with only dust and shrubs separating the opposing peaks. There is nothing to do in this valley so I drive.
Tonight I drove to the end of one of our roads, to the place where the pavement stops and the desert begins. There is a turnout here, about a half-mile from end, that I pull over on to watch the twilight fade from the profile of mountains.
Oh, look, I said a naughty word.
Sorry, I am in a weird mood. And there are two horny lizards in my room now. They are horny in both senses of the word; they have these weird spine-like patterns on them, and they keep trying to bang. Loudly, I should mention.
The river trip was fun, but I got burned. I usually don't burn easily; I think some of my dad's cousins are native americans. But I went without shoes and a shirt pretty much the whole time, so I shouldn't be surprised.
Crap, the lizards are at it again. I swear to god, they are looking at me while they do it. Bastards.
2)Am licensed to drive
3)Have a busy social calender.
4)Am wondering if this is what it is like to be a teenager.
It is kind of ironic, because I finally feel somewhat teen-like, and now it's time for me to grow up. I should have guessed.
I keep trolling Omegle. It's kind of unhealthy, and I end up having these three hour conversations with people I've never met. It's kind of fun, but I feel like maybe I shouldn't be doing it.
I am unreasonably emotional at the moment, and I think if I make this too long, I'm going to embarrass myself. So I'll keep it short.
Tomorrow is the last day, and although it is stupid, I'm suddenly unsure if I want to leave.
When I started freshman and sophomore year, I literally had no friends. I didn't talk to people. The other day, I randomly started a conversation with a complete stranger only because I was bored.
Hell, they told us countless times. So why didn't I realize I was growing up?
I highly doubt I would be in Gryffindor, because it kind of seemed like that was the house where there seemed to be a lot of douche-baggery. Sure, there where decent students like Harry, Lily, and Hermione, but there was also Harry's father, James. And James Potter was a dick.
Not like the dance. But my sister Ann is coming home. I am unreasonably excited.
She's just finishing her first year of university at Tulane, and it sounds like she's had a pretty horrible first year. I feel terrible, because Ann is honestly one of the most innocent and kind people I've ever met.
This is surprising considering how terrible my other sister and I are. But she's always been the opposite of us.
So it looks like the admissions office at my college reserved my financial aid for me. Thank whatever deity you wish, I'm just glad to have all my problems put back into proportion; Now I can worry about AP tests, not my entire future. Thanks again for all the support, you guys. And sorry for all the cursing. I was a little panicked.
Things on the ground today.
1)Condom (unused): It was right near this spot that this one couple always makes out at. My friend and I have decided that we should be able to name any child that comes as a result of our taking the condom.
I feel like I'm going to fucking die.
So I've done all this shit I hate doing the last five years of my life in the hopes that I would get a good scholarship, so I could get out of this shit-hole. And I did. I got a great scholarship to a decent liberal arts school. Several, actually.
I thought I got out.
I just found out that my financial aid confirmation didn't get sent. Which means I will not be able to receive financial aid. Which means my parents can't afford it. Which means I won't be fucking going. God damn it all.