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I think that what frightens me the most is that you have the best qualities of the worst person. You have those same sweet kisses and those eyes. Only yours (I hope, at least) don't lie the way his did. Note the change in pronoun, the object of my liturgy having swapped over to you.

I am frightened and I am fascinated and most of all, I am waiting to see which of those two emotions will prevail.

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so if spending an evening making out with someone you like & listening to bon iver isn't your definition of a good evening i strongly urge you to check your priorities

edit : woah 13 users 3 guests online way to go team

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I . Ma folie paranoïaque est de la meilleure qualité. Si elle est répandue, c'est que nous la sécrétons... Paranoïa, délire d'associations interprétatives comportant une structure systématique. Le désir d'écarter les autres afin d'être l'unique.

I I . "past should make you stronger, never weaker. just smile and everything will be fine! you pretty handsome man."

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all is violent, all is bright

It was wonderful in ways I didn't expect. I expected more of the same, same lines, same moves, same awkward "no" on my part. I got the best in return, sweet words and soft hands, thick eyelashes, curious eyes.

I just hope I'm not replaceable, that I'm not just being a fool. I remember thinking that this time might hurt more than others.

But nothing hurts yet, and I am glad. I liked waking up and not being alone.

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live to tell the tale

A friend of mine decided to play matchmaker about a week ago and I guess it worked out. I'm glad.

He seems honest and intelligent and kind and cultured. And he listens to good music and watches good films and reads good books.

And he is coming over on Saturday and we will watch my favorite film.


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my life is performance art

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that awkward moment when you discover your dad put your brand-new super expensive alpaca-woven sweater in the dryer and it's no longer soft and it's too small and you want to kill everyone

i actually cried

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/ - 3

i'm sort of scared
things are happening, for once
i am not used to this anymore

but it's wonderful at the same time.

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/ - 2

Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose peace and whose refuge are for us all. The soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.

- Mark Twain

Why should I fear death
If I am, Death is not
If death is, I am not
Why should I fear that which could not exist when I do?

- Epicurus

All great and precious things are lonely.

-John Steinbeck

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the way i hate everyone is my favorite fashion statement.

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doing some lines as punishment

is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?
is this how it goes?

groveling in the face of it all.

i don't understand simple minds, how they smile and laugh so easily.
such sincere ignorance is so charming, i wish i could replicate it convincingly.

the sickened sun flinched as the bloody tide slapped it the first time.

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20-8-5//15-14-12-25//10-21-19-20-9-3-5 9-19//9-14//4-5-1-20-8

3/4 the sun :
the sun bathed the world of burnt orange

something about it's shade was so sickly, unnatural and raw. it was weak and dying and watched the shore from its old throne. one that meant nothing now. the sea and i were the real rulers.

it watched the old man and i playing and the others going in to play, too. it watched us drown them one by one, as it must be. they were weak and all that was weak must die.

the sun bathed the world of burnt orange and saw the high tide suffocate the light.

4/4 the skulls
the skulls saw naught but the bottom of our feet.

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2/4 : the sea

the sea drowned the sun in a tide of deathly black.

one of us was a child then and didn't know, couldn't know. but we knew that ocean swallowed everything. even us. i saw your old face and my young face reflected in the pool. i saw all their faces at the bottom of the water, stupid faces who didn't know how to swim. i mocked them, skulls left as testaments of idiocy and naivety. i wouldn't be the same, i would swim with you in this tide of blood forever, and i would smile as all of the others drowned next to you.

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when something changed in you

who took the blame?

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today was the first day back at school for me after a month and a half long break

and it just sort of made me realize how little i fit in where i study

i don't really talk to anyone at school, when people i don't know try to talk to me i usually answer really quietly and shy away or act really awkward
i mostly just read in my corner or then i go see one of the 3-4 people i know from high school and i just like hang around them for a bit

i don't know, even though i have a "social life" outside of school i don't feel like i have a lot of actual friends

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