Sometimes I just get so lonely.
Sometimes I wonder what having amnesia would be like. To live something so harsh and traumatizing that my mind would simply go blank. Forget everything.
Goodbye to childhood : to swings, to the neighborhood pool, to car rides, to pokemon cards, to yu-gi-oh cards, to video games, to being a loner, to being taunted.
Goodbye to early adolescence : to questionning, to loss, to uniforms, to rules, to a girl I thought I loved, to meeting my best friend, to detentions.
I just wanted to say that
I'm sorry I'm not as... everything
as I should be
Friday was your birthday
I wish I could have wished you a good one in person
You didn't want me there
In a month in eleven days is kind of an anniversary for me
the date I met him, the one who kills,
It's quite fitting
Then two weeks after is his birthday
his gift was my virginity
~*~I LOST IT ALL LOLZ~*~irony~*
"Appearance is nothing, it's what's inside that counts."
Yet I'd be nothing without the image I project, without my boots, my moccasins, my tight jeans, my scarves. My long, thick, unruly hair, which I've given up on straightening.
My soul is unimportant, it's all about the smoke and mirrors. The man behind the curtain is there for a reason. Lies and false reflections are so much more beautiful than reality. Fiction describes the human condition much more accurately than non-fiction. Fiction allows us to dream, to escape the limitations of reality.
I'm going to a GSA kind of thing tomorrow... What do people do at those anyways? In my head it's sort of like an AA meeting. "Hi, I'm gay..." or something. It should be interesting, I guess.
I don't really know what to write tonight, I just feel so frustrated. Tomorrow is my darkroom course and we're making our first contact sheet. I'd be excited but my roll of film which used to feel so magical because I took it with him now just feels so void and empty because it's meaningless.
I will forget about you
Drown in someone else
I feel as though I have nothing to say to you, I was being too careful and naive and not interesting
Trying to be plain in a sense, and not like I am
I strongly doubt you're interested in someone like this
Someone who obsesses over beautiful, suicidal Korean models
Someone who sometimes doesn't have anything to say
Sometimes I just want to be so quiet and understated and invisible
And listen and swallow and take in
Then sometimes I just need to keep talking and expressing
Because if no one knows what you are
You're hardly real.
Park that car, drop that phone,
Sleep on the floor, dream about me.
I just lost 4000+ songs thanks to the new iTunes and iPod touch software. Way to make my night.
On an unrelated note, my yesstyle.com wishlist has 3100$ + worth of items in it.
Yes, I know I embed my videos in a strange way, I just like it more that way, they take up less space. Otherwise... the video is quite chaotic and lovely, isn't it? The toy noises seem so lonely and the harp just creates this beautiful melody... It's strangely heartbreaking to me.
I'm not used to having such complex crushes. They usually just come and go with no real attachment, in the sense that I'm usually the one in control. I don't crush on people if I don't think they're attracted to me first, you see.
Here's my french essay, which is supposed to emulate the realism movement, I'm not so sure it does but I quite like it. It might be too graphic for school, also, but I don't really care.
EDIT: by the way, here's where my first paycheck is going. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S 305$
I NEED THEM.
Elle était dans la salle de bain et lui dans la chambre.
I watched The Little Prince today, and though I know the story, I feel that I learned something new. He's got his rose, who demands to be placed under glass bowls and to be watered, and then he meets the fox, who needs to be tamed.
For most of my life I've loved like the Prince loved his rose. She asks and he provides, he gives until he can't and then he goes off to learn more about the universe. Which seems to make a parralel in my life, with the other guys I've been with. I kept watering them and putting them under bowls because it's cold at night.
you make it very, very hard not to just suddenly grab you and hug you, honestly. i would have done it if you weren't so shy. and maybe next time i will take your hand.
I am really anxious for tomorrow and I really hope he's everything I hope for and that I'm everything he hopes for and that this could be the start of something and...