i can honestly say, that i'm finished with you.
what do you want me to say ?
with you i've been through hell, but you showed me a glimpse of heaven, of what someone else might be able to give me...
you've shown me that i'm able to make myself completely numb to everything if i want to.
you've shown me that you can't choose who you fall in love with.
you've shown me that sometimes you just can't win, no matter what you do and how hard you try.
you've shown me that i should pick my battles, because some things aren't worth fighting for.
UN. I've been hiding from Oasis the past few days... I mean, I haven't had much time to post, but I guess I'm a bit ashamed of stuff I've done. I don't even want to look at comments I got on the journal I posted friday/saturday. . . I will, eventually I guess. It's probably one of the things I wish I had never done...
TWO. I've actually been in a really, really good mood the past two days. I don't know why. I'm just trying to not bother myself with stuff that brings me down.
1. Invite 10-15 people. Tell them all to bring friends. Don't be specific, just say it's okay for them to bring people.
2. Act really suprised when 40 people show up at your door after walking in the freezing cold for 45 minutes.
3. Kick them out, leaving everyone to walk back to the subway station. In the cold. AGAIN.
Anyways. I ended up calling X and hanging out with him, after 20 minutes of walking back I was just like FML SOMEONE SAVE ME.
I was glad though, I got to see alot of old friends I hadn't seen for a while.
TODAY WAS REALLY REALLY FUCKED UP.
i am honestly missing 2 years ago when i would sit at home and do nothing.
Okay, soo. Until mid-afternoon, I was having a pretty swell day. I went to go take pictures with my mother, and I had alot of fun. :D I'll share some tommarrow.
If you want to skip to the little questions, go to Seven.
I seem to always post long journals. TT_TT.
ONE: X. I'll be seeing X tomorrow, he un-ditched me. Yaaaay. I'm not sure if he's only seeing me because I might of bothered him into it or whatever, though. All he would answer to me was «Yeah.» or «Okay.» in his texts. But I'll find out, I guess. . . maybe he was just busy. Maybe he'll make up his mind as to whether he cares or not... We shall find out.
since we have laptops at my school, I'm logged in to MSN most of the time.
Feel free to add me :
REMOVED. ASK ME IN PMs...
I'm always down to talk on msn. Especially during the day, class is boring... I promise I'm not all gloomy and depressing like my posts. aha (X
Make sure you let me know that you found me on Oasis, and what your username here is, just so I know. Or if you're one of the guests online that's fine too, just like.. let me know you found me here in your invitation request, should you add me. okay? okay.
So, X is «confused», because he's in love with F or something. But F doesn't love him back! Poor kitty! X is so tired of being hurt by him! Aww! (by the way, that was sarcastic, did you notice?)
Anyways, I came to a realization. And that is, if I want to be happy, no one is going to make it happen but me. So, I just have to take out what makes me unhappy out of my life, et voilà.
i hate it when people cancel on you at the last effing minute.
i don't know you, but everyone tells me one day i'm going to meet you, and that you're gonna be so effing wonderful and that you're going to knock me off my feet and what not. that after i meet you my life is gonna be divided into before you and after you, that you're going to make me so happy it's depressing.
is it too much to ask, for honesty? for you to stop playing games with me? why do you systematically tear me apart? does it give you a thrill or something? why do you tell me you love me? you know that i'll have sex with you even if you don't. you know i don't expect you to love me back, that i'm content just being with you, so why bother? why tell me that you wish i could be the only one when i'm not? if you want it, make it happen, don't fool around like this, i've been waiting my whole life to belong to someone and for someone to belong to me.
I read a very interesting quote today. I don't know the original source of it, but I found it on www.loveis-fearless.xanga.com . I wish she/he had credited the original author... either way that site is filled with alot of quotes & stuff most of you guys might relate to, but I wanted to share this one. I guess it makes me hopeful.
i bought a scarf today. it's enormous. when i put it on i feel as though i'm getting hugged by a knit bear, in a good way. :)
other than that.. meh. we have too much work to do for school this week. tomorrow i have an oral presentation, a math test, and a really long document to hand in, and then the day after i have a 1000+ word paper to hand in, as well as 4 pages on a political figure. i hate it when they leave tons of work for the end of term TT_TT.
basically what happens, is that i get hurt. i love too much. i insist on seeing the best in people, and over and over i just fall for the same lies, the same deceptions. i just can't help it.
a part of me wants to believe that with enough love and patience you can change anyone. and at the same time, i know that chasing after this guy is gonna hurt me, because he'll never commit to me exclusively. he gives me the impression that he wants to, but can't. at the end of the day though, you might have the best intentions but they mean nothing. it's what you do that defines you.