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seventeen was wonderful.
seventeen was wild, drunken nights. seventeen was the first day of art school, my first 'real' roll of film. seventeen was sunny afternoons and picnics. seventeen was smoke, clouds and dreams. seventeen was afternoon make-out sessions with a stranger. seventeen was falling in love with a whole bunch of people.

seventeen was hard.
seventeen was a hangover. seventeen was a corpse dragging itself between classes, fueled by coffee and lack of ambition. seventeen was wondering why it was so fucked up. seventeen was lost. seventeen was lonely, it was desolate.

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a comment response, I want things to be clear.

"24 May, 2011 - 9:00am — Yamamoto

Then why do you write sad poems if you are so happy?... That makes absouletely less sense than there being a old man in the sky who grants wishes...

No love is ripping you to pieces just like every other idiot and your are to blind to see it, but one day you will come bicthing on this site... and then I will be the first one to tell you in the most cold manner, that I fucking told you so.

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i thought it had withered, but

i think
it might
still be

i miss your storm, the sound of your rain
the specks of sun peeking in the clouds
your lightning

oh, how i see you in all.

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My boyfriend spent 9 hours in the hospital doing tests, everything is OK but I was worried sick the whole day. He just caught a really bad virus from his dad (and his mother is starting to feel sick as well). Luckily, I seem to have an amazing immune system because I hardly ever get sick and I am never sick when he is, even if we've been intimate.

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La difference est que je refuse de devenir quelquechose. Je veux être quelqu'un. Je refuse d'être soumis à un titre, un nom commun. Je ne suis l'esclave de rien, outre mes vices.

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You guys who are interested in gender issues will be down for this one. I would have posted this to the forum but it no longer appears on the side bar, so... I figured I would do it here.

In short, a Canadian couple has decided to raise their child without revealing the sex to anyone, mainly to see how this would influence the kid's upbringing. Here are some articles :



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when he gets home tonight I will be here, waiting, quietly.

can someone forgive you for a sin they don't know about? will he wrap himself around me and take my unspoken apology? will he know? will his soul know?

and what of god? i still see no one in the sky, but will he know?

j'attends ma défaite et ma gloire.

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pagan angels

I saw his face through a screen today, his eyes like blinking lullabies, and I wondered if he knew I lied. I am undeserving, I am weak and self-destructive. No longer can I look in his eyes and say I have never lied. The nature of the lie itself is inconsequential but the simple act shows the worst aspect of myself - my desire for self-perfection, even only in appearances, on the surface.

Oh, I wish I could give all of you the love I have. You'd do much better with it.

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thanks bb jesus!

so i almos tgot a ticket for public urination tonight

what has my life come to...

oh and i was drunk but the cops let me off with a warning, i'm so lucky, jesus must be watching over me!

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This love is turning to blood and tears instead of milk and honey, a bastard child of pain and hopelessness.

It still comes to see me, a yellow baby bird. "Not now, soon, it is coming, I will be yours", I sing to it softly, when no one comes. It flies off, satisfied.

I speak to god but the sky is empty. I scream to the night and the stars are silent. I whisper to him but his eyes are mirrors.

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can i get comments now :(

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i'll be sex unless you wanna hold hands


- i had a job interview for the offices of a relatively high-profile company : things went really well, they're most likely taking me, seeing as my sister works there... i should, if all goes well, start training next week.

- this morning, i woke up to a penny on a sheet of paper. on the paper is written : "lucky penny so everything goes right for your interview and until i see you again! i miss you already"

- FINALLY on saturday we will have good weather

- i bought really awesome combat boots from the 60s for 35$, i feel so badass when i wear them...

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amour risible

A(nother) long, depressing, emotional rant - just what Oasis needs. Bear with me, my gay PMS is kicking in.

I've been feeling pathetic lately, likely due to the fact that I've been so involved with my boyfriend that I've neglected my friendships. Likely due to the fact that whenever someone shows me the least bit of kindness or compassion or love I cling to them. And I've been insecure as always.

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So for my film-making final project I made a short film loosely based on one of my old journal entries (if you've been following my journals for like a year you might remember that I mentioned I wanted to do that eventually).

Apparently, my film was chosen for a screening at a local film festival this Sunday! It's kind of a big deal, actually... so that's exciting. I don't even know if I'll be able to go and see that.. What's funny is that I didn't even SUBMIT it to show, I think my teacher submitted it because she really liked it.

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I seem to spend so much more time chasing moments than living them. like I'm waiting for life to come around and hit me like a car crash. does that ever happen?

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