About a year ago, I decided that it was time to stop smoking before I did any further damage on my vocal cords. I have always been able to sing decently well, but smoking was destroying that. So, I quit and for the past year, have been focusing on improving my vocal cords so that I may pursue my dream of singing.
So, perhaps none of you know who Jahmene Aaron Douglas is, but you need to go youtube him immediately. I first saw him on the uk x factor and fell in love with him. And now he's growing in popularity pretty fast. I know all of his songs, and I found him on instagram. And omg, guess what? He followed me!!!
ive been freaking out all evening. Like, you have no idea how much i love this guy. Im going to meet him oneday, i promise you that. I will marry Jahmene Douglas.
*Cue the creepy stalker music*
1)I abruptly removed Tyler from my life once again.
2)I'm coming to terms with the fact that Edwin is moving to California. (Oh, I forgot to write a journal on that....)
3) The guy that I have been talking to (Marksley shall be his name since I gave him that nickname in person anyways) is increasingly growing on me, albeit the fact I've been keeping up my walls with extra guards on duty. It's almost been a month that we have been talking, and still no mess ups or loveless sex, which is a great sign.
I guess it's about time I this out into the open air.
Tyler was an ex from February. We dated for a total of about three weeks exactly, but it felt like forever. I really enjoyed his company, up until he ended it for no reason whatsoever. I thought I'd completely erased him... that is until his name popped up on my phone yesterday. I never could bring myself to erase his number, albeit deleting all other forms of our memories (photos, gifts, notes, etc).
We talked a lot yesterday. Almost like February all over again. It was really sweet, and he even told me about how he was sorry about how it all played out, that he wanted me back.
Moe Loves you. I read all of your stories, don't think that I don't. I'm just very lazy and the only time I feel like commenting is after I tell myself that I must write something. I'm happy to see so many good things in everyone's lives. And to those who aren't having such a great time, keep your head up.
Because I love you. Alright, bye.
I have never been to this town, but my heart belongs here. It sort of just calls out to me. I'm always looking up photos of Astoria, always longing to just pack up and move there. I literally just looked up some available apartments and I found a few I would take in a heartbeat.
I'm tired of living here in Tennessee. Living with my mom, having her take care of me all the time. I'm an adult, she doesn't have to support me anymore. She probably would have a lot more money if I found my own place.... I want to get away. Far from here.
I just want to go to Astoria.
I don't know who I am, where I am, or what I am doing.
I feel my heart growing progressively colder towards Edwin, something I never thought would happen in a million years. But he is just making me hate him. He is practically just pushing me away into another person's arms, where I find my solace all too often.
Sooner or later, he is going to lose me. I'd always been afraid of losing him... but now he has to worry. If he even cares...
I'm twenty!!!! I've been a teenager for so long, it was time for a change.
But I don't feel any different than yesterday. It feels just like when I turned 18. Subconsciously, i expect fireworks and confetti to stream through the air, and a parade to go on outside my house while my life dramatically changes for no reason.
Contrary to popular belief, I never do anything on my birthdays. It's just another day for me. Maybe next year I'll go clubbing and LEGALLY drink for once.
I really hate college. The teachers practically just spout series of random words and numbers, expecting me to keep up. I want to scream and leave. Shortly after leaving, I would get tons of tattoos and go into the adult entertainment industry. Yes, porn. At least I can get paid for having a big butt in that industry. I'm skinny enough for fashion modeling, but not tall enough, so I think porn modeling shall do.
Life just went crazy all of a sudden. OMFG.
I have an interview at the fire station next week, which means that I am one step closer to being a volunteer firefighter alongside Edwin.
An old high school crush has revealed an interest for me, and I am kinda really falling for him. (I have an open relationship with Edwin, by the by).
I turn twenty on the 24th!!! I'm getting old.
In a few weeks I'm going to buy this Chrysler 5th Avenue I've had my eye on for the past month or so and then I'll be getting my actual license on Oct. 17.
Keep politics to myself.
Never tell your best friend you have a crush on them.
Do the dishes.
Stick with the people that love you the most because you shouldn't trust anyone else.
I have to say I'm really not into politics as much as I should. I know very little about them, and that's pretty sad. I'm always saying I support Obama, because I feel you should support your president. But I'm starting to wonder what exactly he is doing. This morning, I happened to become a part of two conversations that involved Obamacare. To make this short, one guy says that if Obama care is passed, he will be denied his lung transplant, which means he could die at any moment.
I like to pretend that everything is just peachy, that growing two years older has just magically made life perfect. But it hasn't. I'm still me. I'm still just that kid with chronic depression. I'm in love with a guy who truly loves me for once, But I know for a fact that he is going to leave me one day because of his disorder. It's something that is definitely going to come true. And I can't stop it.
Oh, But my stomach hurts. Not sure Why, I didn't eat a lot. :/ But it's a good day. I finished a lot of my assignments on time and now I'm just sitting at home relaxing.
I'm wondering where Edwin is... probably at the station. Hmmmm, gosh I'm bored. I have to remember that this isn't Facebook.
OK, so I just ate chili and my stomach still hurts. My animals are weird. So are men. Just really strange, Especially in east Tennessee.
No one is texting me right now. I should read...