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my homeland

the homeland?
i know it well
the wastes take up most of it
and the fissures
split the lands
into canyons and cliffs

in my homeland once i pushed a man
into the fissures
i wanted his man and so
i decided to remove him
i learned to regret
i loved him
he was a friend
and he died by my hand

the homeland is not real
the homeland is not fantasy
the homeland is broken
the homeland is twisted

i cannot stay for long in my homeland
for even the pleasant moments
are soon perverted
and become dark

in my homeland i have seen children forced to dance
by a shadow

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a tiny journal once more in poemish style with an actual poem why do i write these? god knows good night

scalp scalp
it's a nice night
the pall over my mind
is almost gone
i feel happy

I am with my love
one more night
and then one sleep
shall be without
his parents are here
he does not like that
he does not like
to have to be someone else
he does not like
to be a gender he is not

i love him
I want him to be happy
nothing feels better
than the warmth of his body
against my back as I write
His warmth feels special
unlike the other warmth
of other men
it has a feeling
a smell? maybe that's the word
i don't know
but it is unique

a quiet mouth

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time time time time
never enough time
never enough time

am I crazy?

what is it in my head
what is it in my head
why am I so crazy
what is it in my head
am i crazy
don't go crazy
I don't wanna be crazy

crazy crazy crazy
loud loud loud loud
so loud so loud
i hear it i hear it
it's so loud
it's not fair
it won't go away
so loud
shut up shut up shut up
loud loud loud loud loud

i don't wanna go crazy
why am I so broken
I don't know how to heal
I'm so scared
I'm so broken

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black upon black

upon black
upon black

it is not easy to see your face
and not recognize its contours
it is not easy to see your body
and feel that
it belongs to another.

upon red
upon black

the lines are wrong
the lines are false
this is not my body
this cannot be my body
it was not
meant to be this way.

damn this cock
damn these disgusting
that poison my blood
that poison my body
cause this falsehood
this wrong.

were there a god I would curse him
for the fate
he assigned to me:

a body that is wrong
a body that is sick
a body that is disgusting

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a short poem about a happy bunny-rabbit

A bitter taste to rival the cloying earnestness of angst

may you rot

may you fester

may you find yourself
the recipient of
your own horrors.

i am no prophet
nor am I God
i'm just a girl
who wants to have something to eat.

but is it unreasonable
to request from my fellows
they act with decency

is it unimaginable that
laughter should be genuine?
happiness be the

is it in the stars that humanity
must be cruel?
i do not believe so



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So this is a pretty long poem that gets really personal and weird and stuff. I hope y'all like it, it took me two hours

Fuck it
Fuck it
Fuck it

Next person I hear uses the word tranny
I'm ripping out their eyes
I'll tear out their throat
with my teeth.

Fuck it.

So yeah it's like
I'm afraid to go outside
I feel like if I do
people will see me but not see me.
I'm a fucking girl
but if I'm not wearing a dress
or frills
or something form-fitting I'm
just a boy.
I'm not a fucking boy
fuck you fuckers.
I shouldn't have to convince you
I shouldn't have to wear
shit I don't want to wear
so that
you fuckers will recognize
what I am.

So you cunts

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A free verse poem that doubles as a plea for the restoration of my sanity (and triples as a basic outline of my love life)

I feel like it's pretty fucked up that when
I watch Adventure Time
The character I get
More than anyone else
is the Ice King
The guy that nobody likes
Who just doesn't get
the way that people work
Who started out pretty well
until his life went to hell
cuz he started to lose his mind
and suddenly I notice that mine
is slipping away
more and more
as the screaming starts to drown myself out
I feel so trapped inside my mind
when I can't hear a thing
that I think
and I wonder if I'm starting to slip
And I wonder if I know anything
at all
Because the more that I look

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Song By A Fool (A Goodbye)

So I thought you were so great
I guess I thought you were god
I thought you couldn't do wrong
I worshipped the ground you stepped on
You said you'd never make a promise
That you didn't know you'd keep
and I trusted that was true and
I made myself a fool
I guess that I was wrong to think that you meant it
you said you'd stay with me
no matter what I did
I guess I was the one to make a fool of myself
but maybe it would've been nice
if you didn't tell me lies.
So when you left I told you
about that promise that you made.
You looked at me with contempt

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Tears of black tears of red
No tears of blue
I said
I don't see where I'm going
he said 'Neither do I
but I know what I'm gonna do
do you?'
I looked at him and thought
'he's so pretty'
and thought
'What a man'
and said
'I'm going with you
Wherever you go.
Whatever you do.
Whatever you say.'
he said
'I'm okay with that, girl.
But if you want
to stay
I have to warn you
and say
I got nowhere to go.
I got nowhere to run.
I got nowhere to hide.'
I said 'baby
If you gave me a gun
and told me to shoot
I'd do it
I'd go right ahead
I'd follow you wherever

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Fuck Gay Rights, and The Horse It Rode In On (or, why the gay community has no right to claim the T))

I have fought hard for gay rights. My brothers and sisters have fought hard for gay rights. We rioted, we marched, we spoke, we died. We even have a letter in LGBT. We have been a part of this fight since the beginning.

In my opinion, this fight is over. This fight has been over, and within two years, the idea of fighting for 'gay rights' will have become redundant. And yet I am waiting for my gratitude. I am waiting for the acknowledgement.

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Stream of consciousnesses

There's no saving or keeping it'll always end why does it end I don't want it to end I love them all I love them why does it end why does it end Why why why I can't save him I can't help him I love him I can't help him Purpose purpose purpose I wish I could give it I wish I could give it what is my purpose why can't I save them I love them all I'm so sorry i'm so sorry please forgive me please forgive me I wish I could help oh god I wish I could help I've failed I've failed I've failed I can't do a thing I'm lost I'm lost I've failed I've lost please help me please help I need help I'm lonely

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I am tired, friends. Terribly tired. My whole body aches with fury for no real reason. I'm shaking. I want him so fucking badly. Why can't I fucking have him? I want it all so terribly badly. Everything. Sometimes it seems like I can take it for myself but I can't, I can't, it's always just so far away, always so close, but never close enough. I want it, I want it! I want it all. All my desires, all of them, they are always just out of reach. Sometimes with enough work I can get my hands on something. Sometimes it's a someone. Ah, I pride myself on my skill at getting who I want to have.

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Just a quick little note for people of any belief system.

(For non-atheists, insert whatever applies to your beliefs wherever you see a religious noun.)

Dear Angry Atheists:

I'm getting real tired of your shit.

You make the rest of us look bad with your constant ranting about how religion is 'the root of all evil' and your constant warmongering between groups that could actually get along just fine if it weren't for people like YOU. On BOTH sides. Because you're no different than the fundamentalists who call atheists or others of differing beliefs 'heretics' and 'evil'. They say atheism causes moral corruption, you endorse the inverse.

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Ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly

Beautiful things are good, ugly things are not. I know this. This is my creed.

The problem with this is that I am so terrifically ugly, within and without.

Liar, sadist, abuser, freak. Other names that I don't dare speak for fear of who might see.

So ugly.

Worthless. Cannot create anything beautiful. Never will.

Ugly is wrong. By its very nature, ugliness is intrinsically bad. I am so terribly ugly.

I should not exist.

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Right so let's go nutters

So I was watching a movie to-day (specifically it was a pornograpic movie because why the fuck not) and I started wondering about why the things that are are the things that are, yea?

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