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So this is a pretty long poem that gets really personal and weird and stuff. I hope y'all like it, it took me two hours

Fuck it
Fuck it
Fuck it

Next person I hear uses the word tranny
I'm ripping out their eyes
I'll tear out their throat
with my teeth.

Fuck it.

So yeah it's like
I'm afraid to go outside
cuz
I feel like if I do
people will see me but not see me.
like
I'm a fucking girl
but if I'm not wearing a dress
or frills
or something form-fitting I'm
just a boy.
I'm not a fucking boy
fuck you fuckers.
I shouldn't have to convince you
I shouldn't have to wear
shit I don't want to wear
so that
you fuckers will recognize
what I am.

So you cunts

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A free verse poem that doubles as a plea for the restoration of my sanity (and triples as a basic outline of my love life)

I feel like it's pretty fucked up that when
I watch Adventure Time
The character I get
More than anyone else
is the Ice King
The guy that nobody likes
Who just doesn't get
the way that people work
Who started out pretty well
until his life went to hell
cuz he started to lose his mind
and suddenly I notice that mine
is slipping away
more and more
as the screaming starts to drown myself out
I feel so trapped inside my mind
when I can't hear a thing
that I think
and I wonder if I'm starting to slip
And I wonder if I know anything
at all
Because the more that I look

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Song By A Fool (A Goodbye)

So I thought you were so great
I guess I thought you were god
I thought you couldn't do wrong
I worshipped the ground you stepped on
You said you'd never make a promise
That you didn't know you'd keep
and I trusted that was true and
I made myself a fool
and
I guess that I was wrong to think that you meant it
when
you said you'd stay with me
no matter what I did
and
I guess I was the one to make a fool of myself
but maybe it would've been nice
if you didn't tell me lies.
So when you left I told you
about that promise that you made.
You looked at me with contempt

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Tears

Tears of black tears of red
No tears of blue
I said
I don't see where I'm going
he said 'Neither do I
but I know what I'm gonna do
do you?'
I looked at him and thought
'he's so pretty'
and thought
'What a man'
and said
'I'm going with you
Wherever you go.
Whatever you do.
Whatever you say.'
he said
'I'm okay with that, girl.
But if you want
to stay
I have to warn you
and say
I got nowhere to go.
I got nowhere to run.
I got nowhere to hide.'
I said 'baby
If you gave me a gun
and told me to shoot
myself
I'd do it
I'd go right ahead
I'd follow you wherever

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Fuck Gay Rights, and The Horse It Rode In On (or, why the gay community has no right to claim the T))

I have fought hard for gay rights. My brothers and sisters have fought hard for gay rights. We rioted, we marched, we spoke, we died. We even have a letter in LGBT. We have been a part of this fight since the beginning.

In my opinion, this fight is over. This fight has been over, and within two years, the idea of fighting for 'gay rights' will have become redundant. And yet I am waiting for my gratitude. I am waiting for the acknowledgement.

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Stream of consciousnesses

There's no saving or keeping it'll always end why does it end I don't want it to end I love them all I love them why does it end why does it end Why why why I can't save him I can't help him I love him I can't help him Purpose purpose purpose I wish I could give it I wish I could give it what is my purpose why can't I save them I love them all I'm so sorry i'm so sorry please forgive me please forgive me I wish I could help oh god I wish I could help I've failed I've failed I've failed I can't do a thing I'm lost I'm lost I've failed I've lost please help me please help I need help I'm lonely

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Thirst

I am tired, friends. Terribly tired. My whole body aches with fury for no real reason. I'm shaking. I want him so fucking badly. Why can't I fucking have him? I want it all so terribly badly. Everything. Sometimes it seems like I can take it for myself but I can't, I can't, it's always just so far away, always so close, but never close enough. I want it, I want it! I want it all. All my desires, all of them, they are always just out of reach. Sometimes with enough work I can get my hands on something. Sometimes it's a someone. Ah, I pride myself on my skill at getting who I want to have.

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Just a quick little note for people of any belief system.

(For non-atheists, insert whatever applies to your beliefs wherever you see a religious noun.)

Dear Angry Atheists:

I'm getting real tired of your shit.

You make the rest of us look bad with your constant ranting about how religion is 'the root of all evil' and your constant warmongering between groups that could actually get along just fine if it weren't for people like YOU. On BOTH sides. Because you're no different than the fundamentalists who call atheists or others of differing beliefs 'heretics' and 'evil'. They say atheism causes moral corruption, you endorse the inverse.

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Ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly

Beautiful things are good, ugly things are not. I know this. This is my creed.

The problem with this is that I am so terrifically ugly, within and without.

Liar, sadist, abuser, freak. Other names that I don't dare speak for fear of who might see.

So ugly.

Worthless. Cannot create anything beautiful. Never will.

Ugly is wrong. By its very nature, ugliness is intrinsically bad. I am so terribly ugly.

I should not exist.

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Right so let's go nutters

So I was watching a movie to-day (specifically it was a pornograpic movie because why the fuck not) and I started wondering about why the things that are are the things that are, yea?

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Bored bored bored bored BOOOOORED bored bored Bacon Orifice Replay Endgame Doppler BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED BORED bOrEd BoReD

So. Fucking. Bored. Nobody to talk to, nobody to play with, nobody to even make snide comments about being BORED to. I'M SO FUCKING BORED. Hellishly so. I swear to Goddess I'm gonna fucking deep-fry my neighbor's little kid, too, if the little blond shit doesn't SHUT THE FUCK UP. God I hate children. Not only are they perfect little sociopaths, they're useless and waste far more resources than they create. *adventurer voice* Overpopulation problems, ho! *normal angry voice* Obviously killing and eating them is the solution.

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A very lonely, not-silly journal.

Sometimes... Sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I get this feeling that even when someone understands me a lot, they don't really understand what the world is like to me. They don't look at the things I do and see them like I do. I know that everyone's unique, and nobody can really understand another- sure. But that doesn't make it better.

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THIS FUCKING JOURNAL ENTRY CONTAINS EXACTLY 44 USES OF THE WORD FUCK INCLUDING THIS FUCKING TITLE SO IT IS PROBABLY NSFW

I counted.

So, that fucking fucker Pat has FINALLY finished that fucking novel that he was writing. Took him long enough. Anyone remember Pat? Good times, those times. I mean, besides how fucking awful they were for me mentally. I was fucked. But yeah. Pretty good times.

Oh yeah, I'm feeling a little bit profane. Why? Because fuck you. That's why.

Okay, fine, it's because I'm more than a little fucking annoyed at myself for getting myself involved in a certain situation that I don't care to talk about right now.

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Put Some Lipstick and Mascara and the Spotlight on Me

Theatrics! How else to stay sane?

When the world you built falls apart around you, you start to see that all that structure was just a set-piece, and that the life you lived was all just part of the script. You look up, and where once it was too bright to see, you notice the lights. You look down to see the edge of the stage, and beyond it the audience. They're watching you! They're waiting to see what you'll do!

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'Loveless sex'

This is something I'm kind-of curious about. I don't quite understand how sex could be loveless, not because I don't have sex with people that I don't love beforehand, but because I love the people I have sex with while I have sex with them.

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