i dreamt of him last nyt....
it was the first time i dreamt of him since i left.
u can say he broke my heart. i mean how can this person say he loves me, that im his bestfriend, that wen im sad his day is already ruined and most heartbreakingly of all his "Boyfriend". One day there arent any secrets wit me and him, one month he calls me every night jus to say goodnyt even wen its super late, just bcuz the last thing of the day he ever wanted to do was jus say Good Night to me.
he hurt me real bad that one tym and i dont think i can ever forgive him and let him bak into my life...
everything was great, all the shit we went through together worth it, all the things i gave up for him and all the times i knew wat i was doing wud get me hurt, bt i stuck wit him.. WHY he gotta do me lik that...
its been a few months since the incident occurred,,, it was one of those random nights out with the friends:)
we went out ate food told jokes, hung out late... and then wen no one else was left the group of four(including me) went to the pick up and told stories in the back.
HE was there too.. my first real ever Guy crush... idk wat made him so different from the other crushes before.. mayb cuz he was,,, well the only one i actually wanted to have a relationship with rather than jus makeout and stare forever- off course i wanted those too, bt wit him... it was all different.
so alot of my friends who are "out of the closet" are talking
and all of a sudden the whole speech about people saying its okay to be you. and I accept you comes up.
my friends are all "I'm tired of that its over used."
Or a friend said, "I accept you, but don't like me."
i dont understand... isnt that the wat for people say to reassure us that
we're all good, that no matter wat, no matter who we are, we're stil going to b the same?
wat happens wen friends u have for years, trust so much, love so much, done so much wit knows ur not str8... and says being with the same sex is wrong, bt their ok wit me the way i am. or "i accept u bt dont support u." and wen asked questions wud say, "no i wouldnt let u babysit my kids wit ur same-sex partner" or not invited to their wedding unless i brought some1 of the opposite sex.. wat do these people whom i love so much, care so much about, and known so long mean?
went out the past weekend!! lol this guy i've been writing about... mr.confused than not confused than jus str8 up mr.STRAIGHT!
he's straight... thats wat he is,,, DAMN fool made me think that we could of actually been a thing... grrr...
idk wat happened and wat made me think that maybe he wasnt jus playing wit me... i guess he sorta led me on... i wouldnt want to believe it bt i actually went for it,,i hoped that maybe it will end up something.. bt watever..
wen wil all the hot guys stop coming!! i'm totally starting to think that either i am boy hungry or totally horny &need rehab... either way amma end up falling 4 some guy thats str8 and totallly end up hurting myelf real bad.. its a phase all my gay and bi friends beem thru... bt really i dnt mind tripping over str8 guys.. jus as long as the fuks dnt encourage or give me hope that there myt b something lol... i need help.. i need med.s from staring at all the guys around me lol!!!
we were suppose to meet up and say hey... totally his plan,,, bt idk wat happened he had to leave early and we didnt even get to see each other... than we planned to meet a like this big event,,, he never came jus sed that plans have changed... wat is he trying to do?/???
idy y he's making run in cricles... ugh... he's so watever,,, TOTALLY history.. now all i have to do is make myself believe it... ugh!!!
haha in some random ass mobil gass station wit my cuz using up the wireless! haha
totally side glancing at a stranger that reminds me of someone that i had this thing wit.. lol, if thats wat u call something so... BLEEH.. well anyways its weird how strangers remind me of people, things, events in life that make me smile, laugh, cry, and think so much i know i'l go crazy sometimes.. these kids are playing wit Pokemon cards and Yugi-yoh! my cousin's making fun of them, all i c is me some 7 yeara ago in elem.! god those were the days. lol
mother and i had a fight! an argument... she's mad that i'm too relaxed wit the whole college preperation shit.. she thinks i'm wasting my time and that if i dont wake up i'm going to F*#k up my life! i hate this... she actually told it to my face that she rifles throu my stuff!! WTF! i hate this.... wat did i all of a sudden do that i'm now a prisoner in my own home... she's taken away privillages, threaten telling daddy, and now... she threatens to pull me out of a trip i gave up graduation for!!! sometimes i feel lik jus running away.... god....
i got in contact wit an old friend... the last we spoke he was dating a girl that was 4 years ago... now after im'ing it seems that he wants to try sonething differet =] haha... bt the thing is that i dont know if he was being honest... wat does the people of Oasis think... HELP
... he gave me his digits.. me and my friend are thinking its jus a joke... grr
my friends say i have weird tastes in guys... i know its true bt hey i get to b irresponsible and silly wit my choices here and at this age haha!!!
the ROOSTER Guy: he's really weird, obnoxious, and has this really weird hair cut.. i think he looked better b4 the whole hair change, he has this kinda of mohawk thats really hedious! bt watever! and he has really bad teeth... like shark teeth... bt i totally cud stare at him for 30 mins... i think, than i myt jus eat him up! haha lol! god, they call him beaver sometimes cuz of his teeth, bt i dnt mind! haha
haha! hey there!
ok this is my first entry and i'm totally in love with this! ok so i haven't been out, or not that far out. I'm BI! and totally enjoying life since i realized it! haha. a couple of my friends know, and like 3 relatives, all of them below the age of 20! I wish my mother and father knew, but mom isnt really into the whole "DIFFERENT" scene. One of these days they will know... i'm content to have a few friends n Family near me now, knowing who i am. -] i love it!