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maybe,

just maybe, i'll dream of oscar tonight. i hope that i may dream of him.

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i dreamt and awoke. i want to dream once more.

i dreamt of Oscar. i had the most passionate and beautiful dream of him. oh now he haunts my dreams with a presence as subtle as a breeze. i don't remember all of the dream but i do remember when we were eye to eye and we embraced and kissed, then we engaged in something i never thought of doing. :) it was absolute ecstasy. i wanted to cry when i awoke for fear of losing the images, for fear the dismay that the day would reap my precious memories. i've only dreamt of my first kiss twice now, this second time around it was Oscar.

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letter to a friend

Dear Oscar,

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Anonymous: Coranto

performed by: Arto Wikla
this is my most favorite song ever.

value destroyed

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the music store

i went to this music store with my dad (my ride). it was a considerable step up from the local music shops. pianos on the floor, guitars on the walls, racks of various musical instruments, so many accessories. i was overwhelmed, since alot of things in one place tend to overwhelm my senses. i looked around trying to find what i needed and not buy the items of my day dreams. i saw this rack of capos, oh man just the many brands and the colors. so many string sets all so many.

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i felt today

so i remebered this thing in the morning. there is this "club/organization" that i heard was religion related. i went in the morning (yes, before school started) and stepped in during the middle of the meeting, felt like such a dork, and took a seat. at first i felt so unwanted and unwelcome as if "...I was a stranger in a strange land." (Moses 2:22). but soon after the meeting kept going and i was part of a group prayer (i prayed with them)! it was so nice that in the time i was there i felt accepted for my religion. i felt as if we were all united when we did that group prayer.

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what? no way, shut up. really?

there was a near shooting at school today. man, all the interesting stuff happens when i leave the lunch room. guy was not caught to my knowledge. our school is going to hell in a Prada bag and it's full of rejected credit cards. in other news it seems as if my research project is going fine, so instead of working on it tonight i'll do it on the week's end. while we were in (code red) lockdown i wished i had my fantasy love with me holding me, assuring me we would live through the crazed shooter's rampage.

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damn it all

(normally i don't write this way but i will today) god damn it i hate this stupid senior research project. it's total bullshit and isn't teaching me anything, except that life is full of pointless tasks and the ever running clock. my mom is mad at me for bitching about the work i have to do on this piece of shit so called research project. i also have music theory homework which is even more retarded but at least, oh wait no i can't fuck up on that either.

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computer programming \ musical revelation

so i got Strawberry Perl, YAY! and i'm reviewing one of my old demos (going on one year already). it's the 2009 Demo, although this is the first anyone has heard of it or the first time i've metioned that i used to make demo tapes. back in 2009 i was inspired by Beck to make these rowdy off the wall Folk tunes, then in mid 2010 i came across "Anonymous: Coranto" and i was with classical guitar. i'm going to play my old Folk Guitar now.

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woe

ugh... SENIOR RESEARCH PROJECT SUCKS! and i can't figure out my physics homework. in other news i'm going to sign up for a video game tournament (i'm addicted to this "new" pc game) and a few of my friends will join me. if only life were simpler and not so unnecessarily complicated. i just think if life were less complex we would all be significantly happier, if only, if only.

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sick

so yeah i'm a bit under the weather. speaking of weather it's nice and cool outside which is always welcome in the lone star state. i have some Paco de Lucia on to try and see if music works as a healer (see, Kircher: "Antidotum Taratulae"). it feels weird afterall this is my first sick day of senior year. i wonder how my friends are enjoying being in school with nothing to do today since the freshmen are testing. oh well, i'm just trying to stay alive, and so far it's working.

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self surgery

so i finally got tired of the annoying red lump on my eyelid... i got some alcohol pads and sterilized the utility knife along with the tweezers. THE SURGERY WAS A SUCCESS! i used the "really pointy thing" to poke the very top of the lump, presto! lots of pus (gag). and i squezzed some out with the tweezers and then used my fingers for the rest. normally i'm scared of sharp things near my eyes, but this lump was the last straw. anyway i've put some alcohol on the wound and it should heal up nicely.

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times

it's times like these when i want i could go back. back to when i was junior. the whole world was my oyster and me and "T" were at the top of the world, nothing could stop the two best friends. i was passing all my classes, Beck's early folk tunes tape i compiled was the soundtrack for the whole year. i want to go back when things were just a little simpler. i thought i was unstoppable, an example of "if i can do it you can too". only now do i see many more flaws and my youthful thinking disappearing into the mystique of adulthood.

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(shock)

my grandfather has taken a sudden turn for the worse. it's times like these i wish i had spent more time with him (and learned spanish to better communicate with him). :(

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out of date

i don't know why (and i was so happy with my small accomplishment) that i didn't mention that i finally crossed into Exodus in The Old Testament. it's funny the amount of attention a person can get (these days from what i'm guessing) from just reading the bible in a public setting. it's not so much as "why?" but more "how is being religious a bad thing?". it's not like i'm converting people left and right and supporting Scott Lively or that Defend The Family crap. i'm all for my rights and people being able to be with whatever beliefs they have.

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