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feelings

i wish i had friends who were really friends. the friends i would see even after school was over, the friends that wouldn't mind seeing all my sides. maybe a friend or two who shared interests in music and playing music. if only, there were people i could "hang out" with who would be proud to have me as a friend. sure there is always college to make new friends, but that would be different, it's always different, i'm just too different. it's odd, or maybe i'm odd, that there are no people who could relate to me or tolerate me. there must be something wrong with me, maybe.

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now i get it!

so i had my little casio and one thing led to another and i found out that it goes down to C2 instead of what was previously thought. now i can play all these new songs in my room instead of going to the living room to play them on the upright. I'M SO HAPPY! C2 TO C6 YES! CASIO! AHHH! (laughing) i had to get that out of my system. :)

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icon

my old icon, it's a small portion from one of the pages of "The Lute Book of Margaret Board". what's written, if you can see it, it's a title of song "Half Hannikin" one of my very favorites. also if you notice it's at the end of a Lute Tablature line, 6 lines, to represent the first six courses and letters were used to represent the frets,
c. d. e. f. g. a. b. c. d.
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. just like that, complicated isn't it?

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piano tablature

well at least it's easier than notation. i've already found a site and a few songs by some no-name band... so yeah, it's a start! :)

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thinking...

i wish i could wear clothing of the opposite sex. i could make it work. i just like gender-bending. is that weird? oh well. it's not a fetish thing, i guess it's a werid shot at being attractive and having some new positive self image. i saw a skirt and thought "i wonder, what it would be like to wear a skirt?".

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Shaun Cassidy...

i saw a song title (one thing led to another) and i thought "Teen Dream" by Shaun Cassidy. ohh, he's so cute! well in 1977 he was. i haven't seen a recent photo, just assuming that 30 odd years takes a toll. i wish i could have one day with "1977 Shaun Cassidy" ohh how lovely it would be, of course he's probably not gay... but at least i can dream.

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thursday night

can't stop listening to the DOS Techno Virus. uh signing up for the sat's, ends in two weeks. so i have some luck there, finally got around to cleaning my old notebook, did the typed report, and just watched Charlie Schmidt's "Keyboard Cat". now i have sometime to myself. :)

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me again

so i'm learning to play Minuet in G Major by: Johann Sebastian Bach. and also learning Minuet in A minor by Henry Purcell. i have not been reading my bible recently, i don't feel bad however i am obligated. i've had to many things to do recently, mainly STUPID ENGLISH 4. anyway back to the bible, i just don't want to forget where i left off. OHH! i just remembered i have a chesse danish behind my notebook (computer)! well i better get back to music theory homework. i still have yet to find time to sign up for the sat's. oh well i can work it out. :)

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wondering

oh how i wish i could know what my meaning is here on this earth. not to sound preacher-ish but i know that there is a reason (don't ask), i just haven't figured out what my purpose is. surely if i am self aware (that i am) i would have figured it out by now, or maybe because i'm "slow" or something. i just would like to know so i don't screw up the opportunity. of course asking wouldn't be wise after all i do suppose that that's why we live life so we can find out what it is that drives us.

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dreams

i had the most beautiful dream last night, maybe it was a sign. of course i knew what inspired it. staying up late, not engaging in the favorite activity, browsing through online artwork, and exhaustion. i wish i could say what it was but it wouldn't really mean anything to anyone. just like the other dream in summer. it's amazing how the human brain can be so creative.

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an insanely odd thing

today i wanted to post a small journal entry on this site but i figured it's too controvercial for this particular time. given recent events in the past few weeks. if anyone would like to read it send me a private message.

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totally confused

i'll just cut to the chase here. so i was getting my schedule changed, no big deal. i go into the classroom to get a signature and suddenly i'm overtaken by this beautiful guy, he says he's my cousin (never seen him before in my life). so i get the slip signed and the guy (who i will call "N") hugged me in an almost more than friendly way (all sorts of thoughts and feelings start to build). i really hoped he was kidding about the cousin thing because i have no recollection of ever seeing "N" at a family reunion or anything.

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new wave of revolutionary music

GOGOL BORDELLO! such an awesome band i'm totally going get the NYGP (New York Gypsy Punks) T-Shirt. i downloaded two of their albums (i'm not saying how. {secret}) Multi Kontra Culti Vs. Irony and Voi-la Intruder. also i'm getting into 80's Rave and 90's Electronic Music. Classical Guitar music has taken a hit these past few weeks, whereas lute music has stayed at the same level of listening. and for some reason i want a huge mural painted in the stairwell (like they had in Russia during the Soviet 80's).

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well...

it's like this. i've not been playing much of my folk beats recently and i need to change Heather's (the guitar i use as my icon) strings. she's a twelve string and i only have six strings on her. i might just get a set of twelve strings to see where it goes. :)

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i really screwed up :(

i didn't turn in my cap and gown packet. now we have to try the store halfway across the city or turn it in on thursday (of next week). my mom was really disappointed, but how was i supposed to know? people(teachers mostly) gave me different dates for the deadline. so this happened but it's not the end of the world, hopefully.

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