Come Heavy Sleepe - John Dowland, how can i put it? genius. the beginning is very melodic and weary, which gives the impression of sleep to come. it's as if i'm watching the sun set on a vista in colorado. the weary day i had soon becomes night. like when i was in colorado i saw the sunset on the Rocky Mountains, the very feeling is almost recreated. the ride in the car and the sights are so vivid and fresh in my mind. it's almost as if John Dowland knew what the perfect song was and somehow the song lasted for centuries.
so last night got pretty cold, and this morning was cold. the afternoon warmed up a bit and it's still a bit cool right now. so i figure this is good weather for my classical guitar. i'm going to go play it.
"Is fighting over everything all humans have in common?" - Anonymous, circa 1917
i fear the unknown, probably why i'm afraid of the dark, probably why i'm scared of so many things. i always forget why (usually) i end up forgetting those fears and go on with my life. then i realize that my faith usually puts things in perspective and makes me feel secure and safe. i feel better now that i realize that once more. i wonder when i should start going to church... i just haven't been there in so long.
to make a long story short; i got a lecture from someone who was drunk but gave me some good words through the drunk words, my grandfather is not my grandmother's first husband. um i'm just really tapped out (if that makes sense). i just need some R&R.
"You live a little more everyday, you die a little more everyday." - Anonymous (from: The Book of Anonymous authors, Vol. I)
anyway... i had the chance to engage in a favorite activity, saw three fights at school, played some guitar (like always), and just rotted on the net. around lunch time at school i felt so (randomness ensues now) contented and happy. i was reading a bit of the bible under the big tree and eating a few cherry snacks in the spare time i had after lunch. i just felt so good. i feel good now too. but last night was very odd.
so anyway i've got to do some stuff, get cap and gown, senior ring, sign up for act(s) and sat(s), and apply to some colleges. and only now do i realize how it's so weird that i've never known love. for some reason i see myself in the future doing great... but i've no one to share my life with. i just think i'll meet some guy who only wants my body in some club i hardly ever go to. then ultimatley end up getting, murdered, raped, robbed, beat up, and shit like that. i find so odd that some people can find love, it's so taboo for me.
so anyway i'll just share a bit (about school). so anyway in chemistry our teacher was on the sidelines while another was teaching us. i have a feeling why. when Mr. Chemistry Teacher gets angry, HE GETS ANGRY. and yells at which ever student pushed him past the edge. so my theory is that yesterday the student that was chewed out went to the principal. so a demonstration teacher took place to work out how the class works. and after class as i was walking out the said demo teacher started talking trash to Mr. Chem. and i was like "I'm staying out of this." i didn't even say bye to Mr. Chem.
i saw "The BME Pain Olympics"
the sheer terror i felt was so real. i should've listened to those who told me "Dude! Don't look at that shit!" but i did. (scarred for life) :)
well i think it's going to suck, but academically of course, well at least i'll get to see my friends and just observe the student body. i wish i was better in math, i just feel like such a failure in math, oh well. i wish i could be better academically, i'm failing two courses i think. i guess i just have to stick it out.
today was nice. well i went with my dad to get some record albums and a hardcover Bible. i feel a little off, as if i forgot to do something, but not. probably just the little situation here at home. nothing with me but just my dumb sister, my sister can really ruin a good time. but oh well.
it's raining and the worries of school are away. i might be failing music theory... but hey at least all my other classes will be fine (i can always make it up). i have started to get more into the Holy Bible, man what a great thing that book is... when ever i look into my favorite psalms i just feel good, i know it's weird to be religious these days but hey. what isn't weird these days?
i just ignored my enemy in class and it went well. :) i'm not stressed about that anymore (just ignore him) but now i have music theory homework. i have to compose a 40 measure piece using only the key of C Major. also now i have to do another in F Major. :( it's hard since our sub doesn't know that some of the people in the class aren't very good with sight reading. especially me. :( i wish the music theory class was easier, of course it was an advanced placement class.
my sworn enemy has transeferred into my class. as if the music theory homework and the bad grade in english weren't enough he had to get into my class. it's a bad day... ok maybe not bad but it's still not that great. i've recently been thinking about making amends but i don't think he would even begin to hear me out. i just wish we could get that hate out of our lives and just move on.
today was very emotional (not in a bad way). anyway today i wasn't paranoid about the cops (yay!). classes went fine. the weird guy who sits at my table pissed of some other people so we just told them we weren't associated with him in anyway (lol). MUSIC THEORY! OMG! so anyway mr. music teacher won't be there for 2 weeks, yay! anyway one of the band directors told us to go to the band hall and just have a "quiet study hall" which of course meant chill and do whatever. so anyway this bird busted out on the piano and played the theme from Titanic.
anyway today i was walking to class and i saw three cops... tried to think nothing of them and not make eye contact. then i heard "HEY HEY YOU!" and i was like "Damn they're calling me." i'm always the easy target. and i saw them and they looked at me weird, and they just didn't say anything. so i walked away and i was freaked out. in 1st period i couldn't stop shaking. 2nd period, i need to pee three times. 3rd period, i was moslty dehydrated. 4th period i was ready to drop. 5th period i was refreshed a bit by lunch but i could hardly eat.