So maybe I never thought about this often or maybe I was always shutting it out of my mind. The past few days this thought has been in my mind and I simply cannot seem to rid myself of this thought. Sure, I've been fine before and so it is I've been fine after those things. But when I see examples in front of my eyes, I feel slightly depressed and hurt.
So this is a journal I've benn wanting to write for a few days but I've been a bit busy with the return of the swollen lymphnode but suffice it to say I've been optimistic about it. So I've not been worrying about it or doing any independent research. I'm fairly happy for the time being and I'm getting some more medical help.
So yeah, college on Monday. I'm so overwhelmed, this whole process of getting in was really worth it. Now if I could find out which rooms my classes are in that would be great. I'll probably just take a glance at my college account to check. Even though it's just two remidial classes and a required class, I'm very excited, nervous, thrilled, and scared.
So I've been doing very well recently and I'm very thankful for that. Today was very nice, except for one thing. My favorite music store has gone out of business. What's worse is there are very few music stores in the city, and the old fall back doesn't sell the products I need for my instruments. So I've been pondering, "where do I go from here?".
There are no titles so it's like a surprise!
So I went in to the doctors offices this morning and I got my blood results back. All tests came back negative for anything harmful, and apparently I have a well-off blood count. As for my "funny kidney" it's calmed down quite a bit and it's just getting less annoying everyday. However I did decide to get that checked out.
My Mother and Sister were gone most of the morning here so I had a chance to take a relaxing bath and have a nice breakfast and watched Democracy Now. I then realized I forgot to watch Arab Labor last night, although there's always next sunday. I didn't wear shoes today just my old sandals.
my body sucks. My kidney is hurting me now. WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW IS THIS HAPPENING? Just one kidney is hurting and I know I don't have stones. Seriously, this is some bullshit. FUCK YOU KIDNEY! It's been hurting me after I wake up then it disappears. Then the next morning, bam, pain again. It's seriously pissing me off.
yes I'm feeling very good. Aside from the prick for blood drawing today, I'm feeling a decreased pain from the troublesome lymphnode. I was able to walk without any assistance from the cane, and I feel so great just because it's easier to walk around. I suppose the small sense of freedom has lifted my spirits.
And I'm not being emo, it's because walking with a cane makes you feel old. The stupid lymphnode in my groin area was really aggravated today. Yeah I would stay downstairs all the time and not go upstairs if my sister didn't come back to live with us. I really can't stand the one kid always crying because she never gets her way.
the doctors suspect a swollen lymphnode near my groin area, which might explain the earlier pain I had since the 19th. I'm currently unable to stretch my leg away from myself and I'm needing to walk with a limp due to the pressure and pulling sensation. It's a little relieveing for me now that I know what it could be. It would explain a lot.
I thought I was over this by now. I've started feeling a throbbing and loose sensation in my lower abdomen. It's pretty uncomfortable and I'm going to be seen in the morning. I have no idea what is going on, I suspect hernia but I'm just not sure. I hope it's nothing serious, but I can't help but feel a little on edge.
I am too obsessed with this creepypasta funk. I recently downloaded a weird game entitled Lost Silver (Hidden), I tripped all over my face. I had this weird ass dream where I was playing "..." in the game, that was some weird shit but pretty cool. I can't believe any of this, if only J-man was at my place then we could both trip faces.
So my sister moved in today, everything is okay. There is some tension but this too shall pass. So everything is okay for now, I'm glad her kids will be living in a better, stimulating, and more sanitary enviorment. So this being the second move in my Mother is sticking rules to her. Just basic stuff like Cleaning the kids and herself (sister).
So anyway, I got glasses yesterday. I look good (not like self-flattery), I like to have a postitive self image. So yeah. I was blown away at how bad my eye sight was. I'm nearsighted and also have an astigmatism. When I looked up at the clouds I started crying. I couldn't believe how beautiful they were.