So i was going to have this big ol' rant on here about how things are going with a friend, but i decided not to since i don't want her feeling like i invaded her privacy. If she is reading this, and i hope she is, this next part is for you. "i understand if you don't want to be more than friends or something like that, but if that's the case, let it be because you're really not interested and not because you think i can do better. I don't want to do better. And contrary to what you keep saying, i don't think i can do better."
Well, that's all i gotta say. Thank you and good night.
I don't know what to do with myself. Although I'm pretty excited. I need to work out some of this excitement but I'm not allowed to go out because no-one is home to "supervise" me. (Overprotective parents. Don't you just love them?)
I'm excited because I finally got a job. Yay! Its full time every Saturday which is awesome 'cos I can keep it even when the holidays end, which is sometime in February.
IN school today. While I\'m supposed to be on holidays. Its rehearsals for presentation evening. OH joy!
I really want to be at home playing Battlefield 2. Love that game so much. Only got it 2 days ago but its so good, it isn\'t even funny. I\'ve recently found fanfiction about Liley again. If anyone\'s interested, Snoe is an epic writer. So good. Their stories are kinda long, but perfectly written.
In other news, I feel reaaallllly excited today. Not too sure why though. Maybe it has something to do with Super Duck posting a new journal entry. Can\'t wait till she posts the next one.
I wrote this last night.
All these thoughts rushing through my head
So many words left unsaid
Just like monsters hiding under my bed
In the darkness lurking...
My heart is filled with lead
My eyes are going red
I'm slowly and steadily being led
To a place dark and disturbing...
I just need some space to clear my head
Lying alone in the dark on my bed
Thinking of children who just don't get fed
Doesn't seem to be working...
I think of how often I've been misled
Maybe it was something I had said
All I know is my soul has bled
And my heart is really hurting...
Waaay too hot to play tennis or beach volleyball with a double period in the sun at two in the afternoon!!! >:( Soo not happy. Until the start of the second period. My instructor was on a call. I was like screw this. Went up to the gym. Vasilia was there, playing soccer by herself. I went to join her. We mucked around for a while. I realised I'm not attracted to her anymore. YAY!!! Finally...
I seriously LOVE Nuclear physics. We're learning about the atomic bombs and nuclear reactors and the Manhattan Project and I think its seriously cool to see how they convert mass to energy and energy to mass. And I love the fact that scientists can accelerate two protons at superfast speeds towards each other in a hedron collider in order to recreate the effects of the big bang and see if any new matter is created.
I got texts last night, which were supposedly from Vasilia. One said, "I love you, will you marry me?". That made me super happy. :D Then I found out it wasn't her. It was one of my idiot classmates pretending to be her. Why? Because I have idiots for classmates. These are people who use "lesbian" as an abuse. -_- One thing I learnt from this is that I no longer care if people know I'm gay. One less person for me to tell.
...is super boring. I've barely seen anybody I know these last couple of days, and the ones I have seen aren't the ones I wanna see. Anybody know where all the cute girls hide during school break? 'Cos I've found one. That's it. And yes, I have been looking. At one point, I would have been super ashamed to even think about stuff like that, but I've come to accept myself now. Probably got something to do with three VERY understanding girls in my year.
Before I start rambling, its getting confusing to call T that because everytime I do, I nearly write her whole name which I really can't do. So I'm gonna start calling her by my nickname for her-Vasilia or Vas for short.
Ok, so this is really random, but it's important to me.
Well, not exactly. It was really fun though. Went to the movies with two of my cousins. Grandma came too, which meant no looking at girls. (Gran's hell religious and is in denial about me liking the female sex). I was looking at the resources link and found a pretty good piece on how to stop cutting yourself. I generally don't use a blade, although I know a friend who could benefit from the article quite a bit.
Wow, Iv not got a chance to add to this journal in a long time. Mother dearest doesn't know about this site and i think that if she did, she would throw a fit. I've tried coming out to her at least four times and each time she completely denies it. Oh, well...
So, relationship news----there is none. I managed to get over S (just barely) last week. Its strangely sobering to see that a girl is crying because of you. THAT was an awkward birthday party......
If this journal entry turns out to be hell awkward, I do apologize. Ive only just started to keep a diary and am completely new to journals. I dont really know what to say. I guess I kinda need advice. I really like this one girl at my school who's really sweet and pretty. Lets call her T. With her, its like I'm on cloud 9. Then there's this other girl called S who is like the ultimate bad girl. Everything about her gives off this sexual energy. Im friends with both of them and dont want to ruin it so if anyone has any advice on how to get over them, I would really appreciate it.