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well then............where to begin

well hello there oasis audience, old and new. It has been quite some time since i last posted anything. I feel like i have missed quite a bit. Hopefully I will be able to post routinely again.

A lot has changed in these past few months of my silence. I acquired a second job so I'm finally stabilizing myself financially, I'm no longer under the rein of my mother,

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Sometimes i do wish i was the stereotypical gay. that way when i tell someone "yeah, I'm gay" they don't look at me like i have 7 heads. (O.o) I really hate how LGBT folk are stereotyped just as bad as races, religions, etc... i am who i am and i don't appreciate being called a "Walking contradiction" because this "walking contradiction" is going to one day stick his size 13 Harley boot so far up your ass your eyes pop out their sockets.

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Its Been A While

It has been a few weeks since i last posted anything. really haven't felt compelled to put my thoughts on paper. just been in quite an indifferent mood for the past few weeks. good, bad, and the in between. its all just crazy right now.

derp derp derp. that is all............

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Happy Birthday

Today is the birthday of my deceased aunt. i never got to know her personally she was tragically taken away from our family before i was even born.

The psychopath whom murdered her and a few other women was let out of prison a few months ago after the charges brought on him fell through.

My family all got together tonight but since i had to work late I'm left here at home by myself instead of paying my respects with the family.

So i figured id show my respects through a journal.

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Freedom is within my grasp

school is finally starting back up and I'm EXCITED AS ALL HELL. I've technically graduated but I'm enrolled in a "supper senior year" at the Vo-Tech school and will be working there full-time. HELL YEAH. I've also just gained employment elsewhere so ill soon be able to support myself, YAY FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE AND STABILITY!!!!! hopefully going into the business field while working a few music related side projects as well as a few graphics related jobs here and there. just because i have a knack for business doesn't mean I'm giving up my passions and dreams.

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The Process of Belief

Agnostics claim to have no belief in any religion. Most Agnostics have a viewpoint similar to Atheists, but they just don't realize it. A typical agnostic would say something like this. "I believe it is impossible to know" but agnostics claim no beliefs on the matter. As soon as an agnostic claims to believe something; they are no longer agnostic. I have seen a pattern form in how people come to decisions on the matter of Religions, Agnosticism, and Atheism.

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Poem: Common Misconception

Tumbling rolling,
fiercely stinging,
threading the needle and
stabbing thyself,

portrayed by a picture
of what one is wishing to be,
falling and stalling,
stumbling below,
running and chasing,
escaping what cannot be,

white willow emerging from those saving,
blinding and binding the forgotten,
for nobody cares,

its only fair,
that death be equal
and trial be just but,
corrupting and shamming is,
most definitely,
a must

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The meaning of life.

I often think too much for my own good. today i found myself thinking about the ever on going debates about the meaning of life. my viewpoint on the matter is "it should remain unsolved"

"Not Knowing" keeps our minds thinking and when we think we create, discover, and innovate. if we were to solve every equation, answer every question, or fix every problem. life would be pointless. making the entire search for the meaning of life then pointless. mystery keeps us going. With new creations, innovations, and discoveries, we receive new ways to indulge and enjoy our life.

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Family, Friends, and Strangers

A simple concept turned horribly complicated.

unconditional love; that's what friends and family should show each other
anything; that's what friends and family should do for each other

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GRRRRRR people on youtube are angering me.

I've been watching a few LGBT rights vids maybe you've heard of them? FCKH8? yeah hilarious and slightly controversial but what isn't now a days?
well whats going on is there are a bunch of christian or Jehovah's witness extremists spamming the hell out of the comment threads and whenever someone comments they attack them for being LGBT or even a supporter. and they are telling all of them that we are going to hell and such.

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Decision Time

It is decision time. I have two options.

Live a lie my entire life to make my mother and grandmother happy, and keep everything in their perfect christian worlds perfect.


I could be myself and live without fear, without lying every 10 seconds and without hating myself, but also without a family.

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Poem: What A Life

I wouldnt expect you to understand,
to lend a hand,
to help another man,

I wouldnt expect you to care,
given the incredible pain you bear,

I wouldnt expect you to see,
that nothing in life is free,

Your mind so young and body so old,
producing offspring in your mold,

And even after everything said,
you laugh at me, and beg,

What a life you live,

What a life you give,

what a life.

For more of my work visit

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Drugs and Alcohol

I've fallen completely head over heals for this man whom I've been involved with yet not actually been dating or seeing. hes a bit of a free spirit that believes it is selfish to limit your body to one person. he has a drug problem and a problem with alcohol. hes wasted every other night while popping oxies. hes gotten help for his drug addiction but i still fear for his health and well being.

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I Don't Know

i used to have a huge crush on some guy at school and i confronted him over last summer. i knew he was gay so there shouldn't be any awkwardness but he began to avoid me and i got the hint. he obviously had no interest in me. at first it was really hard accepting the fact we could not be together.

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poem: disgust

to think of all people you would be this way
the one that guided every time i went astray

to think that i could not please you
if i could i would change for you

i am who i am and unfortunantly
you would shred sanity unsparingly

the fight between us is a pointless battle
my mind being thrown around like a rattle

to think of all poeple you would be this way
all because i am simply gay

you look of disgut
for your covered in dust
and the strength of trust
indeed a must

to survive the dive
shoes tied cause you lied
tripping then stripping me
of all my pride

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