It's been 6 months since I last wrote anything. I've been pretty down on life; my girlfriend(ex) and I broke up and I can't find a real job I can be proud of now that I've gotten my degree.
I have an amazing girlfriend and I don't know how to appreciate her at all. I try so hard to change and show her I do care but I let myself get carried away with jealousy at the smallest things. She would do just about anything to make me happy and make my life easier, and she has. All I do is snap at the smallest sign that someone else might make her smile. I'm ridiculously possessive and I don't know why. I've never been this way with anyone but she brings something out in me. I don't want to share her, even if it's just someone she's friends with.
So today my girlfriend asked me to send her a picture of the type of engagement/wedding ring I would like. And to tell you the truth I've NEVER thought about it. I dread thinking of getting married, and it's not because I'm afraid of commitment but i just hate planing things. When I get married I want it to be simple and small. I don't want to have to make decisions, just show up and bam done, ready to go.
You got to love Youtube. I was bored the other night so i started watching the Real L Word on there. It's interesting to watch these 30 yr old lesbians. The one thing that catches my attention though is all the labels they give each other. It's like your not just a lesbian there's a subcategory you can be placed in. I've heard of fem, lipstick, butch, dyke, bulldyke. Then there's tops and bottoms. It just all makes you think, where do I fall in?
Sometimes it sucks to be in love, even when the other person loves you back. My girlfriend sometimes makes me feel pretty crappy for things that I would normally not get bothered by. I think it's the fact that she's the one person I let my guard down with. My friends and other people can be as douchey as they want and I can care less, I'm a very passive person. I don't find the need for others approval, if you like me cool if not oh well there's more important things in life, but I can't be that way with her.