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Today is my Birthday :D

I am excited to say guys that today is my birthday :D I will be turning 22 today and things have never looked better :D Not much time to explian now, but will explian later in the journal or possiably in another journal, but things are looking up :)

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I am sorry... to Super Duck and Angel Sydrome

I would like to apoligize for the things I said yesterday. I was not rational, nor was I thinking correctly. I always get like that on V-day becuase it really is the worse day of the year for me, and I think so much about my obession with relationships on that day that it makes me depressed. I am sorry if I insulted you in any manner, and I don't mind if you don't accept my apology, but I don't understand why you posted on my orginal journal in the frist place. All I wanted was a place to rage Super Duck...

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FUCK VALINTINES DAY...

FUCK VALINTINES DAY......... I hate this day more than any other, and frankly today is the day I am highest at risk of hurting my shit becuase I am so fucking lonely... I hate this day so much... I hate this holiday it is complete bullshit that people just shove there fucking relationships in my face through the fucking media... man fuck all you guys in relationships who are doing anything this day... I hate you all... and will always hate you. I hope I never have to celebrate this horriable holiday...

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Sinice People Never Take Me Seriously... Part II

(I am not joking with what I am going to talk about in this thread so don't even dare fucking act like I am joking or I will never speak to you again)

I have come to realize that I will never be able to have sex by normal means.... I mean who wants to have sex with a ugly, fat, impotent, 21 year old virgin anyway... (Fior those who didn't know... I can't get it up... and yes I take pills... no they don't work...)

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Sinice People Never Take Me Seriously...

(I am not joking with what I am going to talk about in this thread so don't even dare fucking act like I am joking or I will never speak to you again)

I have basically given up with my attempts to even try to find another human who will give me a second look as a person for just coversation, friendship, and especially dating. So I have just deicded that I want to start dating one of my pets... and when I figure out which one I want to figure out where to take them and such... So which one should I take out on a date... my Rhode Island Red roostor Mr. Bojangles... Or my cat Elizabeth?

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What I did today #2

What I did today, was simply the same as in my last journal of this type. All I did was sit around and eat raw oarsters with crackers and hotsauce while wacthing Dr. Who.. Then I rode home on the ride form my grandmothers and now I am back at home I have gone into my room and I am back to wacthing Dr. Who again while eating more food and having drunk large amounts of achocal earlier I am now back to seeing Edricth again.

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I have come to a realization...

I have come to a realization on why I need to get rid of my depression, and my new movtive for doing so....

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What I did today... the Day after Chirstmas...

Well today is the day after Chirstmas which in my household means for me doing completely nothing like I did the day before. The only real differance was the fact that I had my PS 3 and was at least able to play Resistance 3, I have almost finished it and I am starting to get the feeling that this one might have a open ending that leaves things for Resistance 4. Though don't tell me anything, becuase if you do... well I will never talk to you again :@

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What I did today #1

All I did today was sit around and realize how much where I live sucks. I had to be around my family and I hate all of them... there is nothing to do within a one mile raduis... and that is about as far as I can get walking and still make it back home becuase I am fat and out of shape, and I refuse to change that becuase I am trying to shorten my life span on purpos. Thier was nothing to do so just laid in bed and every 5 hours got up and ate some Pizza Rolls and then laid back down in bed with my only friends in the world... my pet cat Elizabeth, my demon dilusion Elricth, and my friend...

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Worried about bad habits...

I am worried about my drinking habits lately, because frankly I know Edrich came form somewhere... and pyschosis is a side effect caused by acholcal when in combination with my medication :( But the idea of stopping seems so stupid at this point, becuase frankly I get the idea that I might be trying to do worse to myself than simply get drunk, though for now that seems to keep happy egough becuase those stupid meds never really worked before... plus I don't want to risk losing my visions of my demon friend anyway :(

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You guys hate me don't you?

I feel like most of you hate me...
You guys think that I am a annoying peice of trash who whines to much.
I am sure that you guys could you would just ban me form the website...
Hell I bet if you guys could, you would ban me form the world at the end of a gun barrel.
I don't understand why you people hate me so much.
The way you yell at me about stuff when you try to help me...
Then you get even madder when I don't understand...
I am sorry that I am so stupid...
I really don't mean to be...
Please don't be so mean to me...

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Even if it drives me insane...

You guys are my only friends in the world....
I know that is not healthy at all...
But I am going to keep it that way...
Even if one day I just end up going completely crazy...
I don't care anymore...
Humans are worthless, and the best things we could ever do for the world... is die.
We should all just die...
I can't wait until I die...
That is why I have started to live as unhealthy a life as possiable... maxiamum stress... bad food intake... and no exersise. Whatever it takes... I have no reason to live a long life anyway.

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I realize somthing...

I finally realize what I need to do to stop being so depressed... I just need to quit being a faggot... :(

Ethier that or maybe I should just start getting into zoophilia... :S

At least that way I never have be around people...

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Don't Be My Friends

Then don't be my friends, I really don't give a fuck any more. You are a human, and not meant to be my friend. I am sorry, but I hate humanity as a speices. I am tried of all the non stop bullying, and the fact that I get blamed for it, when I don't have any understanding of what I could possiably be doing wrong. All I do is what people advise me to do when it comes to making friends and guess what.... it just gets shoved in my face by all the rejection and bullying that I fucking recieve.

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So Many Steps Back

I feel like I am taking a whole bunch of steps back...
I am back to that point I was before...
The point where all I can think about is how I am a 'fag'...
The point to were I hate that part of myself completely...
The point where I am still doing everything I can to rid myself of it...
I have done everything I can this semster to try and do so...
Yet I can't even do one thing to try and help myself with it...
I can't even go out with girls because they all keep rejecting me...
It has created in me a hate for women that is extermally deep...

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