I hate to whinge and complain, but I am so stupid. I fell for the wrong guy, I let myself be with the wrong guy, and am still letting myself be with the wrong guy.
Hes lied to me once.
He takes drugs.
He sells drugs.
Hes not going far in life.
He doesnt have a job.
Constantly tells me I dont influence him in anyway shape or form to give up drugs or anything else for that matter.
He's sexually immoral. Yesterday he told me, he had a dream he was about to fuck his mates sister but as she bent over he woke up shattered.
Why am I still in love with this person?
I would like to say thank you to this lovely community :)
You guys are the best, let me rant on about my constant bullshit and give me your honest thoughts :)
I love you all my gay friends!
And I would also like to say thank you, for I guess showing me that I was such a naive and arrogant person to think differently of people that arent straight, cause you guys are beautiful :)
So thanks for showing me :)
So my boyfriend..
He stole 240$ worth of merchandise from the shops the other day, absoutely digusting if you ask me.
I cracked the shits and donated 250$ worth of my own money to a charity.
Today I won 330$ from the casino.
And im fighting with my boyfriend...
Hows life for all of you?
So everyones been asking what jakes transgression is.
Well he's a drug dealer he sells XTC.
I broke it off with him, and then he promised me he wouldnt do it anymore.
He then broke that promise, and when asked he blatanly lied and denied it.
He then asked for another chance, I waited for a day until i gave my answer.
They might for a bit, but they always end up going back to their orginal roots, its quite sad actually isn't it?
Needless to say Jake didnt change... He started doing his bad things again and I found out.
I said I didnt want to see him again.
He says give him one last chance?
Should I give him it even though he broke his promise to me?
:( Life sucks.
Well something happened.
It was the sadest thing but me and Jake were lying next eachother, and then we realized we couldnt be together, we were too different, some of the things he does were just so wrong, and I couldnt understand it and it was just so hard. So as we lay in his bed in eachothers arms, i whispered to him "Jake, you know I love you." and then he said i love you back and it was just so beautifull, even though we were crying in eachothers arms.
Then as he drove me home, and we both realized that we werent going to see eachother agian it was the sadest thing.
Im the pessimistic optimist.
I look at things in a negatively light, secretly hoping for the outcome inturn, to become positive.
What are all you?
Regret it? :)
It's funny how things work out sometimes isn't it. How we all got to this certain place in time, the chain reaction of tiny little coincidences, fate, if you believe in that sort of thing. And here we are. Imagine where you would be right now, if like me, I hadnt typed a few words into google, and a few clicks later got to here, imagine what you would be doing at this precise moment, it's strangely beautifull. How complicated, intricate and precious life is.
Well I decided to stop being silly and stop pretending to be a slut when I am clearly not one.
I told him the truth and im so happy i did, thanks for the advice everyone.
So what he had sex (not with a prostutitute.) That doesnt mean anything.
I shouldn't judge him for that, because he's the most nicest person and he thinks the world of me.
And just when I wasnt disgusted enough. His only time he had sex and his first time was with a hooker and this disturbes me.
I dont know why it bothers me so much because a) i dont believe in sex before marriage and b) my ex had sex before and that never disgusted me in this way.
I'm turning into a completely different person.
I'm making him think i was a slut, not telling him but implying that I was one, when I actually havent had sex before. Like when I gave him my first BJ, and he said is this your first one and i said no..
Im going to re-read all my previous journal posts and remind myself, why I do not get attached.
its disgusting it makes me sick, he's slept with someone before and it's the biggest put off, I actually never want to see his face again.
Lets look at the facts.
b) he steals things.
c) he lies.
d) i met him off the internet.
its disgusting. and he's not a virgin he's slept with someone before, it makes me feel yuk, i deserve better than this.
why does it make me feel yuk? I dont know.
I need to go back to church.
So, I have met my internet friend about 6 or so times now.
I went to his house the other day and I kinda slept over but it was like for 30 minutes. :S
Because like, he picked me up at 10pm and by 11am the next morning of us talking and watching movies we were pretty wrecked so we fell asleep for 30 minutes..
But still 'sleeping over a strangers house i met over the internet' sounds pretty fucking bad, if you ask me.
What do you think about this?
Does this mean I am like 'easy' or a 'slut.' or like desperate or something?