I feel as though my boyfriend is a thorn in my side, I need to pull it out but I dread for the bleeding yet I ache for the day I am stitched up and whole again.
There's this intense firey rage burning within the pits of my soul. I know what it is, yet I don't know how nor do I want to put it out. It's this pure injustice of this world, that sickens me to my core.
I hate my parents, they disgust me. I hate them for what they have done.
I resent my boyfriend, despite the good he has shown me.
So I moved out of home :)
Probs a good thing so mum can get healthy...
Well I'm so much in love with jake! He's the cutest and so what if he's a drug dealer! I'm happy :) It still irritates me he slept with a prostitute but ohwell we can't all be perfect! I still haven't had sex with him but :)
He makes me so happy I feel so lucky to have someone like him in my life :)
He always gets me things and listens to me and understands and makes me happy when I'm sad :) I think we will last a while :)
And yeah :) a lot of smiley faces in this post haha... What's news with all of ya??
Yeah... I got a call from her number and it was a police officer he said my mother drank about half a bottle of Southern comfort, took twenty five sleeping tablets and was gassing herself with the car on in the garage.... She was talking to her friend and the friend got the idea mum was going to hurt herself so she called the police thank god. She was found unconscious with vomit. Her heart rate was decreasing dramatically and everryone was worried.. But she's ok now I guess.... She still wants to die. She's going to a psych ward.
I don't even know who I am...
To all these people I'm someone different. To my family I'm the perfect Christian girl to my boyfriend I'm the innocent bad ass girl that's up for fun shit and likes to take drugs to my bestfriend I'm
I just want it to end. I just want an escape, just to leave this place, just to one day pack up all my things, buy a plane ticket and get the hell out and never return.
No one understands me. Hell, I don't even understand myself. This is terribly selfish of me I know, theres starving kids in Africa dying and here I am complaining about my miserable life, well I suppose I wish I was in Africa, because to me it would be better than waking up everday to a world full of all these pretencious people that dont give a damn about anyone.
It's my escape.
Where I can leave reality and be completely honet and write down all my thoughts.
Its beautiful, it's serene.. it's Oasis :)
Just a note:
Jake* I swear to God, if you ever come across this journal, I will resent you for the rest of my life.
The things I want:
Jake to stop dealing and doing drugs.
I WISH jake was a virgin.
I want him to get a qualification and be somebody not some no hoper bumming around without any job or qualification or anything.
Fuck, i'm a bitch.
How does he put up with me...
My boyfriend doesnt think I love him and to be quite fair, I don't know how to respond when he says comments like those.
What is it?
Do I like being with him? Yes
Do I like kissing him? Yes
Do I care about him yes?
Do I get butterflies in my stomach when I see him? No
You know what I think is a joke, how in this day and age people see it ethical to kill a life of a potential child, and quite ethical to kill a human being and see it as justice, yet it is unethical to let gay people marriage?
What a joke..
Also has anyone seen the documnetary "Aileen Wuornos: The Selling Of A Serial Killer" by Nick Broomfield? It's quite good I recommend it.
Clearly and insane woman, yet she is sentanced to death for it.
Human life is such a precious gift and it's such a tragedy to see it taken away in such acts of brutality...
I hate to whinge and complain, but I am so stupid. I fell for the wrong guy, I let myself be with the wrong guy, and am still letting myself be with the wrong guy.
Hes lied to me once.
He takes drugs.
He sells drugs.
Hes not going far in life.
He doesnt have a job.
Constantly tells me I dont influence him in anyway shape or form to give up drugs or anything else for that matter.
He's sexually immoral. Yesterday he told me, he had a dream he was about to fuck his mates sister but as she bent over he woke up shattered.
Why am I still in love with this person?
I would like to say thank you to this lovely community :)
You guys are the best, let me rant on about my constant bullshit and give me your honest thoughts :)
I love you all my gay friends!
And I would also like to say thank you, for I guess showing me that I was such a naive and arrogant person to think differently of people that arent straight, cause you guys are beautiful :)
So thanks for showing me :)
So my boyfriend..
He stole 240$ worth of merchandise from the shops the other day, absoutely digusting if you ask me.
I cracked the shits and donated 250$ worth of my own money to a charity.
Today I won 330$ from the casino.
And im fighting with my boyfriend...
Hows life for all of you?
So everyones been asking what jakes transgression is.
Well he's a drug dealer he sells XTC.
I broke it off with him, and then he promised me he wouldnt do it anymore.
He then broke that promise, and when asked he blatanly lied and denied it.
He then asked for another chance, I waited for a day until i gave my answer.
They might for a bit, but they always end up going back to their orginal roots, its quite sad actually isn't it?
Needless to say Jake didnt change... He started doing his bad things again and I found out.
I said I didnt want to see him again.
He says give him one last chance?
Should I give him it even though he broke his promise to me?
:( Life sucks.