Well something happened.
It was the sadest thing but me and Jake were lying next eachother, and then we realized we couldnt be together, we were too different, some of the things he does were just so wrong, and I couldnt understand it and it was just so hard. So as we lay in his bed in eachothers arms, i whispered to him "Jake, you know I love you." and then he said i love you back and it was just so beautifull, even though we were crying in eachothers arms.
Then as he drove me home, and we both realized that we werent going to see eachother agian it was the sadest thing.
Im the pessimistic optimist.
I look at things in a negatively light, secretly hoping for the outcome inturn, to become positive.
What are all you?
Regret it? :)
It's funny how things work out sometimes isn't it. How we all got to this certain place in time, the chain reaction of tiny little coincidences, fate, if you believe in that sort of thing. And here we are. Imagine where you would be right now, if like me, I hadnt typed a few words into google, and a few clicks later got to here, imagine what you would be doing at this precise moment, it's strangely beautifull. How complicated, intricate and precious life is.
Well I decided to stop being silly and stop pretending to be a slut when I am clearly not one.
I told him the truth and im so happy i did, thanks for the advice everyone.
So what he had sex (not with a prostutitute.) That doesnt mean anything.
I shouldn't judge him for that, because he's the most nicest person and he thinks the world of me.
And just when I wasnt disgusted enough. His only time he had sex and his first time was with a hooker and this disturbes me.
I dont know why it bothers me so much because a) i dont believe in sex before marriage and b) my ex had sex before and that never disgusted me in this way.
I'm turning into a completely different person.
I'm making him think i was a slut, not telling him but implying that I was one, when I actually havent had sex before. Like when I gave him my first BJ, and he said is this your first one and i said no..
Im going to re-read all my previous journal posts and remind myself, why I do not get attached.
its disgusting it makes me sick, he's slept with someone before and it's the biggest put off, I actually never want to see his face again.
Lets look at the facts.
b) he steals things.
c) he lies.
d) i met him off the internet.
its disgusting. and he's not a virgin he's slept with someone before, it makes me feel yuk, i deserve better than this.
why does it make me feel yuk? I dont know.
I need to go back to church.
So, I have met my internet friend about 6 or so times now.
I went to his house the other day and I kinda slept over but it was like for 30 minutes. :S
Because like, he picked me up at 10pm and by 11am the next morning of us talking and watching movies we were pretty wrecked so we fell asleep for 30 minutes..
But still 'sleeping over a strangers house i met over the internet' sounds pretty fucking bad, if you ask me.
What do you think about this?
Does this mean I am like 'easy' or a 'slut.' or like desperate or something?
Well it's certainly been a while since I wrote last.
Things didn't really work out with my bestfriend, infact we barely even talk anymore, and I regret so much hooking up with him because if I hadnt our friendship wouldn't be in the absoulte shambles it is now..
Uhm what else has happened. I play xbox like for 14 hours a day, I made some friends of xbox and I met up with them in real life. Kinda weird, but they're cool.
And that's pretty much what has happened.
Whats been happening with everyone else lately? Anything interesting?
So I kissed my bestfriend!
It was strange.. I always thought it'd be like a moment, but there wasnt, we kind of planned it. The first one was a bit akward, but it got better.
So heres the goss guys,
I am drunk. I dont know how i am spelling atm... ive drunken a fair bit but anyways.
Finally got over my ex. I xan tell coz he im still friends with his friends and we all went clubbing together and when he picked some chick up and went home with her to root her I didnt give a shit. YAYY.
So Dad's moving away right.
And now so is Mum! To a different part, this is just great, isn't it!
So who is going to have to look after my seventeen year old sister whilst she finishes her final year of school you ask? WELL ME!
Ha what a joke.
How the FUCK am I going to be able to do that? Im so upset im like having a panic attack I cant be her guardian for fucks sake I can't even look after myself. I am a nervous wreck, I'm failing universtity and all I do is mock people, get drunk and make an idiot out of myself.
How can I take responsability for her?