I havent had a need to write as I am not feeling low or down a hole I can't climb out of.
But I've realized something: I am not looking for love or anyone to be with. Such affairs are of no concern to me. And I dont care for love neither though I am still attracted to men I just dont want to be with any of the ones I've encountered. perhaps Ive yet to find him.
Now isnt the time to worry about grammatical mistakes but whether what Im feeling is told.
Having graduated high school, many former classmates and I will certainly miss and try keeping contact with teachers who stood with us since the beginning. But a teacher who arrived from nowhere, suddenly became everyone's favorite english teacher -- from the worst behaved to the annoying pseudo intellects, all appreciated his class.
We spoke mostly of human nature, logic, literature, philosophy, and humor occasionally. He was quite a character very eccentric, giving off the impression of a happy existentialist. And we always had a good laugh.
Now I've made it a habit of writing early in the morning as it's the only time my mind is clear and focused. Well mostly restless.
I found myself googling Why do I hate my friends which took me to a site about social anxiety. Odd, I dont think i have that since I've acted, sang, and can speak publicly without nervousness, but yet my sister told me I have it. She's no doctor so i won't take her word for it. My friends have been frustrating me lately and I get annoyed easily by them and their nonsense.
It is 1:54 am as I write this, mainly because I can't access this site while noisy bastards are awake and my mind is too active now. As you can assume from the title, I'm back in my depressive state which is odd because I think the last time I felt as crappy as now was maybe 3 weeks ago. After some tears, punches thrown at inaminate objects, and shouting fuck to no one in particular, I've decided to write and become rational once more. Surprisingly Im thinking logically too
So I've been gone for quite some time, and as the last private message indicates, it's been almost 3 months.
I shall update you all rather quickly as long updates are rather dull and uneccesary: I've graduated high school, I'm going to a college I do not want to attend, I am reunited with my best friend who I stopped talking to, I am reading a shorter finnegans wake, I am starting to watch seinfeld, listening to the velvet underground. hating life as. Usual.
Hello Im back, but it'll be in distances of time when I write again
I went to the library and started reading Ulysses. It's really great although I didn't check it out but will. To my surprise I actually understood what was going on.
For a scholarship about gay rights I could write about my experiences so I begun that although I have no idea what the point of what I've learned has to do with my life now.
On a side note I've been reading william blake's work and I might apply an organized innocence philosophy to my life
I'd been meaning to write a journal since the longest but I couldn't because in a fit of rage I threw my laptop at my brother. And now I'm using the computer.
Where do I begin?
This saturday I told mother I wanted to kill myself. We had a long conversation that was helpful. It helped and now I'm going to see another therapist and start taking medications again.
I wrote this... thing about how I felt late night some time ago. I forgot what I meant by 2 weeks but saved it as a note.
Words: they mean one thing but Under the surface another; they're like icebergs. How one puts them together is not simple. One doesn't go ahead and put them together on a piece of string and hope they fit. Grab a fancy word here, grab a word there and stick em in the same sentence. The sentences become paragraphs, the paragraphs become pages, the pages become a book. And it all begins with a word.
Ever feel like not writing essay prompts that ask dumb questions that want to explore your mind and emotions? Yes, I hate that so much.
Right now I'm in a really bad mood I have to write about 4 essays tonight before the 1st or else they won't be submitted in time
Stupid questions should be left unanswered
I wrote this rather quickly so bear with me. And this is just the beginning, I plan on writing more later on. I won't make any promises.
I think most of us at some point in our lives start questioning what we believe in. If you were to ask about my philosophy, I'd write about it easily. It's one of my favorite questions.
Tonight I added the finishing touches to an act I wrote in a week. It was quite easy to write since I pictured every line said and action done. I'll admit it's a tad cliche but I like it nonetheless. I remember reading that at least one character in each of his plays/acts was his hope for a better future or something along those lines. Now I didn't expect it to get so long but I tried to make the transitions as realistic as possible. Read and enjoy.
The Genie, An Act
Max - a man
Jeanie - a widow
A waiter - another man
A chef - a headchef
I don't know what Im doing now, i feel annoyed i am annoyed by society. I don't know i never will My mind doesnt let me think about myself or about others although i dont care so much ab out others. Anyone ever feels like i am now? Doubt it
I'm in a dilemma: my classmates turned against me. We had to do a presentation on a literary piece by figuring out the theme and all of that other stuff. As usual I put in my focus even though I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing. I managed to figure it out with specific evidence and the 4 group members agreed unanimously without really questioning my reasoning. So I did most of the work like 60% and I'm telling the truth and they know it is true and lied by saying we all put in 25% of work. Now I agreed so that means I lied.
Nothing interesting has been going on eksept soe laptop keyboard keys aren't working Only soe like the letter that begins the sounds a kow akes And the period doesn't work so bear with e Also the letter that begins the word ylophone and rap (poop)
(This ethod of typing is soewhat fun but a pain for those reading so if it hurts to read then it's ok if you stop I understand)