Months ago I sat down in the living room with mama to watch a movie that starred Robert De Niro. The movie was called Taxi Driver, maybe you’ve heard of it, and the only reason I wanted to see it was because it had Mr. De Niro in it. All I knew then was that he was a good actor so the movie must be good too. I had no idea what it was going to be about which is why I didn’t know what was in store for mama and I.
Contrary to rumor, I haven't committed suicide yet and I'm very alive. I'm so alive that I decided to write on what has been going on in my life.
Well I'm just going to say that I'm starting my photography classes on tuesday. It'll be in downtown Los Angeles. Don't worry: I'll be carrying a small pocket knife and a big baseball bat. You can imagine how excited I am for that. And if you can't, well I'm as excited as a person about to finish driving school.
It's been some time since I've posted here and it's mostly because I can't write without willingness. Not much has happened and I still feel more awful everyday.
Well, I might start off by saying hello to all, though it doesn't matter how I start. It doesn't matter if anyone says hello back.
In english class I've been reading The Stranger and I read an essay by Sartre on existentialism. At first sight I didn't make much sense to me, except for the part about wanting everyone to think like you. Now, I like that. I want everyone to think like me. I'll explain.
I don't have any friends. Well, I have only one person I consider a friend, but I don't trust that person. I like to call myself a "drifter." I'll be seen talking to sorts of people and I hop like a frog too, and I take no interest in what they say. I only care about what I have to say and I have to carefully structure it so that people don't try to take advantage of me nor make me look stupid. And to be honest, I didn't think I was depressed anymore but then something weird happened last night.
I've been feeling lonely these past few weeks and I think I'm headed back to my severe depression. I did make some progress like get my grades on track and talk to people nicely but now I feel worse. What's worse is that my so-called friends ignore me now. They are two, I trusted one the most; I told her few of my problems (I rarely speak about myself) and now we are in a cold war, waiting for the next move.
So today on facebook some girl I knew in elementary school has become god weird. She wrote (excuse her spelling): "Many ppl have asked me : prove to me that God is real.
Before I begin writing about the topic presented in the title, I'd just like to say that I finished watching the Godfather part II and I won't be writing anytime soon nor I will I speak to people for about a week. The ending of the film has left me stunned and depressed and I will be like this for a while. That said, I shall begin.
What are special rights? I've heard this phrase so many times and I don't understand what it means. I think, just by hearing the phrase, it means that some people will think they're special enough to deserve special rights than any other average person.
Well, I haven't done much. This friday I was supposed to see a play in downtown with a group of classmates, I got them lost and we ended up going back to our town to eat burgers. We went through skid row, and for what? For nothing.
Went to school, though it's not enjoyable. I have to take some fucking ap tests on wednesday and I don't want to. I don't think I'll pass my stats test but I know I can do the english one. I ain't feeling good, whatever that means.
Well next week will be my mini-performance for my theatre class that will serve as our finals. I'm so excited, yet kinda depressed cause I really liked that class and now it's going to be over. Plus I met some fun people and I learned so much about acting. So for the performance I have to do a scene with my friend then a monologue (a speech by Patton) and the Stella scene from A Streetcar Named Desire and I'll be playing Stanley. I want to make a really great impression. I strive to make the best impressions for anything I start to do like photography.
I've been reading this blog for about two days and I haven't laughed this much in a long time! So you may want to check it out. Here's the link:
That's all. Carry on.
Read an article on how a woman sued AT&T who converted to Islam and she was harassed. I went on to read the comments and someone posted "Let a woman wear a cross in Iraq and she'll be stoned to death" and another commented that Christians are named-called and bashed every single day. And that comment alone made me wonder: if I ask every single Christian on Earth if his comment holds any weight, some will say yes and others will say no. And to that man and to the many who believe the same as he: limited experience results in half-truths, not something true for everyone.
Right now I have to sign up to take the ACT, in case I want to be a veterinarian again. Gosh ya' know I hate tests. I'll explain why.
I went thrift shopping today and bought a Mel Brooks film too. Also I bought a three-disc box set of Queen's greatest hits. So today has been fairly kind to me.
This past thursday I had an appointment with my therapist after not seeing her for about 2 months. It's too long to explain what happened so I won't bother. So we talked and I told her that I stopped taking my meds so I have to get a refill some time this week.
That's it, nothing important hasn't happened.
Mr. Nicholson is one my favorite actors and I love all of the films I've seen him in! I also think it's great that he was born a day after me! Speaking of actors, I really want to buy the red jacket James Dean wore in Rebel Without a Cause. Like badly. One that looks like it is fine, too.
Since I don't have any homework assignments to turn in tomorrow, I might as well right my thoughts which I haven't done in a while. Also I will try to be organized and not all over the place.'
I read yesterday, briefly, about another gay teen suicide. His name was Kenneth Weishuhn, a freshman high school student from Paullina, Iowa. Now what I'd like to offer, which you may accept warmly or deny harshly, are some words of advice.