Today, I went shopping with a friend of mine who I haven't hanged out with in a long time. We were originally going to see Bully but the tickets were expensive so instead we decided to visit Long Beach.
It was so hot and then it got windy. I think it's cause we were close to the beach. There were some people protesting by the downtown area about god or something. There was also like a race nascar thing going on so some streets were closed.
Alright so I saw this documentary in english class called the weather underground and now I'm riled up and returing to my revolutionary thoughts. After a while I calmed down, but now I believe we must get rid of the capitalist pigs once more. So now I have to write a research paper on them and do laundry.
That's it so watch the film or read about them, whichever is cheaper.
So I took my meds yesterday and I feel better and my headache when away! And those weird thoughts too. I went running and did exercise with my friend. My ass and legs are so sore. We also talked and had lots of fun. We were saying that we should buy a mini van and paint it different colors. Mostly pyschadelic. Is that how it's spelled? Also in english we're doing creative writing so that we don't use common verbs and contractions and others. Wasn't easy but not impossible either. Today has been a good day. Better than yesterday.
Right now I'm registering for the SAT I'm taking and it's going to suck! I had some disturbing thoughts earlier today but I feel fine right now cause I went running with my friend and we talked too. Firstly, I wanted to kill myself, but then I thought, why not take someone with me? Then I thought it has to be someone I hate or has done something to me. Then I said I'll bash their heads with my baseball bat. And then see all their brain matter all over. And they'd squirm in pain and feel what I've felt for the last 4 years. Then I took my meds and now I'm fine.
I was planning on writing a journal this weekend but I was too depressed and I was contemplating suicide so I didn't. Now I feel better so why not write today.
I'm sitting on my bed, chewing gum, and waiting for a friend. The reason I say this is because even my own so-called friends don't seem to want to understand nor care to.
I did a scene with my friend for theatre class yesterday. It was for midterm (it's a college class) and it went well. We improvised most of the time.
This whole week hasn't been kind to me. I keep having headaches and I don't get enough sleep, but why? I'm also experiencing shortness of breath and I keep eating sugary snacks for breakfast. I noticed, too, that I am out of toilet paper. Will it never stop?
This week is going to be really busy for me! I just got back from my friend's house. We did homework and finished editing the film. Then tomorrow my other friend is going to throw a surprise party for her sister and I'm going after my therapy session. On friday it's my other friend's birthday and we're going to eat at a restaurant.
Not much has happened except that a friend of mine is moving to Kentucky and she hasn't even told her sister. Well I really don't care cause I don't talk to her as much anymore.
This weekend I didn't do much. I went to eat pizza with my family on saturday. The same day I also saw Casablanca. Also it was hailing yesterday night and the storm was crazy! It isn't always nice and sunny in Los Angeles.
Today I finished filming the commercial I have to do for chemistry class. Last time we did a film for that class everyone in my group was stressed, even me but more. We did a beauty salon service commercial and it was fun and tiring! I had to do my hair slicked back and it was so funny.
Haven't posted since tuesday I think. Can't remember. This week has been really boring.
Ok so I read that if your dreams die, then you're dead. I think it was a Langston Hughes poem I read. So now I'm scared and I'd like to discuss cause I'm afraid I'm dead.
I want to be (any one would do) a model, actor, director, portrait photographer, photo-journalist, and pornstar.
I only want to be a model because I believe it would boost my self-esteem and it looks like fun. Also because you get to be on magazine covers and it seems so glamorous. I also think photos tell stories.
Today I went to eat chinese food after school with my friend. There's a chinese restaurant close to our school so that's why I go their often. I then went to theatre class and we are going to start reading Hamlet so that means I have to get my copy tomorrow from the public library. I have that class only on mondays and wednesdays. I won't go this wednesday because I have an appoinment with my therapist after school.
Also I'm getting sick and my throat hurts. I made myself a honey and lemon tea. Hopefully I feel better cause I don't want to feel like shit tomorrow.
I've been busy with school and theatre class that I haven't been able to post for like a week or so.
So for theatre class my friend/scene partner and I had to do a cold reading of our selected play, The Bear, which is a jest in one act. We did fairly well and it has many emotions in it, therefore when we actually do it, we need to be ready.
For speech class I have to write four poems and I don't think I'll do it cause then people will know and laugh or look away and I'm not doing it.
Today was the first day of school. Surprisingly it went well and my friend was telling me that I wouldn't stop talking. I didn't take it as a bad thing cause she said I was talking to people I never do and I was more talkative cause I'm usually quiet. Being a quiet person is sometimes useful because when I say something, people know it's important or what I'm thinking/feeling.
I think that being gay is like a person's hair color or skin tone: no matter how much you try and change it, you'll always be what you were, or are; whichever comes first. I am not trying to sound philisophical or appear philisophical but that is what I think and I'm just trying to get used to the idea of sharing my thoughts and feelings.
That said, I can begin.
So I've been thinking about college and I highly doubt I'll go right after high school because I'm going to need time to think about what I want to do career wise.
I'm having movie night with my friends tomorrow and we're going to have fun!
I hate taking out the lint from the lint compartment in my dryer because it's annoying. Tomorrow is ash wednesday and I'm not sure if catholics only celebrate it. I'm also not sure why they go to work on sundays.