It's February! The month of Brad's birthday. Should I do something for it? I know we're going on a field trip to the Holocaust Museum in D.C. on his birthday, so I could tell him a few good Holocaust jokes. Or I could burn a playlist for him starting with the songs Peter, I Love You And I Hate You by Pop My Cherry and Too Beautiful by Pansy Division. I think that would be pretty explicit about my situation. Too bold, though; so bold that he probably won't accept it, so I don't think I'll do that.
Unfortunately, this is a Brad journal.
I sat by him in my first two periods (two-period class) because the girl who usually sits there was absent and people were talking and they mentioned how a girl in the class obviously has a crush on Brad and talked about that for a while until someone said "Or Josh" (that's me) and Brad said that he'd choose me over her. I do hope there was a bit of seriousness behind that joking.
To answer elph's question from the last journal, these are the emotions I get from my EP:
Jatil: happiness, ecstasy
Sati: sadness, whistfulness
I made three new ambient songs:
I made an EP. The song transitions aren't very good. I also made cover art with Illustrator.
Chad will like this:
I feel a lot more comfortable around other gays. For example: my sister's friend is gay and the only person I know of who is completely homosexual and out of the closet. I see him in the hall a lot for some reason that I can't explain. Well, I just feel a lot more comfortable around him because he is also gay. (I think this new girl in one of my classes might be lesbian because she wears a rainbow wristband; I'll probably find out eventually.) I really want to go to one of the GSA meetings at my school, but I can't do that.
Not much. I found out about dub. That's the shit. I love King Tubby.
I think I missed a perfect chance to tell Brad about me. We were at an assembly in the last period and after it was over, everybody was walking around and talking and Brad was sitting in an otherwise empty section of chairs. I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT GOING OVER AND TALKING TO HIM ABOUT THIS! AAAAAH!!!!!
I felt like writing something. Usual topics: Brad and music.
Well, I feel like something with Brad is imminent. I don't know why, but I just have a feeling that something is going to happen very soon; within a month. I helped him find a book today as a source for an assignment. I felt very good and slightly nervous around him; it was hard to not smile. After this, I got a great view of him a few tables over while I was working with classmates in the library.
I sometimes look at the sun because it's so bright, even though I know it'll hurt. Night has never felt so long.
Firstly, I would like to again bring up something I'm worried about. A lot of great people are leaving. There are plenty of active members on Oasis Journals, but it seems like there were so many more when I first showed up. I miss MacAvity, Jeff, Perhaps We Should Leave, Osvaldo, Jack, etc. I hope they'll return, though I know they won't.
I have become what I would have called a freak a year ago. I'm getting into very avant-garde forms of music. First Depotax, then dubstep, and now I'm downloading a 10-hour album set by Merzbow. I'm making noise music now, too.
Yamamoto's comment on my last journal entry inspired me to tell Brad about everything. There's a problem, though. I've sent him two text messages today (3 hours apart) and he still hasn't replied; he said that his phone turns off all the time, so I'm guessing that's what happened, but if he isn't around his phone or doesn't turn it on, then I'll never be able to tell him. I don't know what to do! I tried playing Skyrim to get my mind off of it, which completely failed. I can't think of anything else now.
Again, I got Skrim for FSMas; it's doing a pretty good job at keeping my mind off Brad. Not too much, but it's working well enough. I'm surprised by how fun it is to shoot lightning at people while chopping them up with an axe (or, as I call it, axing them a question). Well, I won't continue on an esoteric journal that only one person I know of on here will understand (and hopefully comment on).
I was well rewarded this FSMas for being a believer. The Flying Spaghetti Monster gave me an iPod Touch, iTunes gift cards, an Amazon gift card (which I used to order an Akai Pro MPK mini to make better music), Skyrim, Aleph by Paulo Coelho, and Rise of the Planet of the Apes on Bluray. I am grateful for His generosity to the sacred ones (homosexuals, those who have been touched by His noodly appendage). In thanks, I will never eat cheese out of a green cardboard can.
I saw The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo yesterday with my friends and a bunch of their friends who I've never met. The rape scene was disturbing. The main character is bisexual and the antagonist is unsure of his sexuality. Queers.
I got a haircut. I think it's horrible, but everybody else insists that it looks good.