Yeah. It it did.
So I found me some people who are queer. Real people. OMy. Where on earth were they hiding all this time?
Now we gone dance to Bollywood songs.
Naw, we aren't. I hardly know them. But nevermind!
She's recently been asking me this question a lot. 'What are we?' 'What's our relationship status? GF or sisters?', and I've always avoided the topic. And today, it was settled, and I'm happy.
Her : So, are we Calzona or Mer and Cristina? Take your pick.
Me: Love, it's all up to you.
Her: Mer and Cristina.
Me : Cool. :)
Jeff, this was what I wanted, a confirmation either way, and I got one. And I didn't even have to have 'the talk'! :P
It's been a year of college. A lot has changed. It has been a fun, crazy, hectic ride, with full on studies, friends, and some crazy emotional stuff, as well as interesting projects.
Let me get right into the messed up part.
There's this girl I like, a lot. True to my pattern, she is straight. I told her that I am not straight at the end of last semester. She has become a very good friend of mine.
PV sent me a request on facebook...to list me as her sister.
It has indeed been ages since I've written. Started my first semester of college, and all that.
Basically wanted to write about a specific thing. Outside our mess (canteen), is a board telling us the menu for the day. When I went there yesterday, the following was written.
"Come out of the closet! LGBT sammelan." (BTW sammelan is a meet.)
I told Aachoo, in a moment of impulsiveness, over texts.
I told her that I liked someone, and there was no chance, and whether I should tell them. She said that I should, since it wouldn't harm anything anyway. And then she was like, so, who is this lucky person ;)
And I said, you.
She was extremely cool about it, said that she found me a very comfortable person to be with, that it wouldn't change anything and that she didn't feel awkward or whatever. So, couldn't ask for a better reaction.
But I suddenly like her a lot more.
It's been ages since I've updated this thing. Mainly because I haven't done anything apart from sleeping and reading all day for some time now!
But today went to an amusement park with some friends. Even though it was bloody hot, we had more fun that I remember having in a while..
I am starting to think I may still like this guy that I was flip flopping over for r some time. He is a very good friend of mine.
But my approach to this now is...I don't care!
Yes. I'm at that stage where I want to tell everyone that I am questioning. Not literally everyone, but my friends. All of them. While I realise that it is good to tell a few close friends, I have told like six people over the past five months. Today spur of the moment blurted it out to a friend. She won't tell anyone, but what if she does? At some point I am going to tell someone who will turn out not to accept it or, worse, will tell other people. Aargh.
Basically, I have become a bit of a blabbermouth about the issue.
Is it common? Anyone had this sudden urge?
So, today, I had just come back from a walk, and was generally watching TV with my mom, and she randomly says, "I can't imagine you married and with kids. Can you?". I just gave her a look and made a funny face, all geared up to joke about how I'd probably be less mature that my newborn, when all of a sudden she goes, "You're not a lesbian, are you?"
Hmm. I'm a very bad liar. So no point in saying, "no." So I just sat down, 'coolly', and said, well, we will see about all that. Inside, I was all, FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
This is really what needs to change. It is sad, yet true.
I really want to have a lucid dream. It seems really cool. Supposedly you can train yourself to have them but you need to keep a dream journal and stuff and remind yourself to perform regular reality checks, and I cann't bring myself to do that sort of stuff.
So I guess I'll have to make do with my regular, nonsensical dreams as of now.
Has anyone else had a lucid dream?
It's been a while. Admitting everything to myself has made things a lot better, in a way.
So, I can hope to move on from this!! Yay :)
I am far far far away from telling people, apart from the few close one I've already told. That's a bridge I'll cross when I come to it (specifically, when I'm earning).
So. In the midst of all this whole exam stuff, I'm still trying to shake off that hollow, twinging pain in my stomach.
So I finally accepted it. After So Long. I guess I do love her. Maybe I feel so bad because she will never feel the same way! I am in love with a straight girl. Siggghhh