WOW I haven't been on in ages! I think I've really outgrown this site but I thought that I'd give a little update for anyone on here who cares to know how I've been doing :)
I turned 16 a week or two ago, and I think it's safe to say 16 will be a much better year than 14 & 15.
Well life has been getting a tad bit better. My parents finally let me redecorate my room, which is now plastered in posters of Harry Potter & the Hunger Games. I've also started adminning on a bunch of fan pages on Facebook. I like making fanart, it turns out. My name is Luna Malfoy, check me out!
OK so I'm on FB right now and I'm messaging with my crush Annika about writing depressing scripts & it's amazing!!! I thought I had scared her off when I mentioned that my favorite poem was about the writer's own execution but she totally got it. And now it's after midnight & we're just talking about therapeutic writing and I even sent her a draft of the script that I wrote...oh well she has to go now but STILL. We've talked for like 1/2 an hour. I thought I was over her but now...oh my gawd. It's like she's just getting more perfect.
Hey guys! I haven't been on here in a while, since I've been kind of overwhelmed by my acting school. I spend 8 hours there and 2 hours on the bus every day, so I pretty much just eat hashbrowns & go to bed when I get home. But some stuff has been going on that's been putting me on edge, so I figure it's about time I come back for a visit.
We had a block party today. I planned out a ton of carnival games and prizes but all the kids wanted to do was bounce in the bouncy castle. However, I had a trick up my sleeve...I am an extremely talented makeup artist. So I sat down, drew up a second chair, broke out the face paint and soon every one of those kiddos had an MJoy masterpiece on their face. I did 1 cheetah, 2 cats, 3 patriotic butterflies, 1 dolphin, 2 flowers, 2 moustaches (1 w/ matching goatee), 1 Spiderman, and 1 Yoda (an adorable little kid who also got an R2-D2 on his arm). They looked pretty cute running around like that.
There are some things that I need to get off my chest soon and I think that if I don't do it tonight I'll explode, so even though it's 1 in the morning I'm going to write this right now anyway.
I tried to kill myself a few nights ago. I was in a place where I just didn't care anymore and I remembered how my mom is always talking about the stats on deaths due to salmonella, which is actually really common. So I went to the fridge, grabbed a hunk of raw cookie dough, and ate a bunch of it. Then I waited for hours to start to feel the effects, planning on keeping them a secret until it was too late. Thankfully my cookie dough wasn't contaminated and I just got a headache from watching too much TV while I waited.
We've had another spat over high school. I want to take Italian and move back to Italy to home school, and spend my days wandering those deliciously silent streets of Venice. But Mom purses her lips and says that she won't "narrow my horizons" like that, that I'll get a better degree if I stay here. She says I have to see the "light at the end of the tunnel." I can see a light alright, but I might have to walk into it before the four years are up. She keeps talking about rights of passage and persevering. I just don't know if I can survive this.
I'm auditioning for Oliver! My mom found out that the local professional theatre is putting it on and auditions are really soon. All I have to do is learn one of the songs they provided and I could get the role of my dreams, the Artful Dodger! (Or the young female lead, the "rude yet flirtatious" Charlotte)
I've decided to go with Dodger's "Consider Yourself." My strength is belting, and the song is perfect for my range. I REALLY hope that I get the role. It would make my memories of this year much better. Plus, it could start me on the road to being the next Ethel Merman!
What does it mean when a girl you barely know says you look adorable? It was the day of silence & we were both wearing ribbons, and she came up to talk to a guy friend of mine while I was putting on my cold-weather garb. As I pulled on my hat she said, "You look adorable!" and I said "Thanks!" and ducked my head and ran away to get home and look in the mirror.
It's true, I did look adorable. ;)
But do straight girls often say things like that? We've never spoken before that. I'd definitely go out with her if she was interested, but how do I know based on so little field research?
I've snagged the best cast ever! My crush, as it turns out, loves Buffy & will be playing one of the lesbians. Hope against hope she comes out using the role...Also, I've filled the other roles with older kids who are starring in the current musical and stuff. The boy playing my romantic interest can even play guitar.
I'm so excited! I actually get to play Buffy! Outside of my shower! In front of people! My voice is perfect for the role and all the cool kids will be in it, which makes me one of them!
We have a FaceBook group and everything.
It's hailing so hard right now that my mom actually has a legit excuse not to take me out for milkshakes (the fact that we can't drive, not the temp. I can eat ice cream anywhere, any time).
I hope that means I don't have to go to school tomorrow. I hate school. I hate Mr. Richards, who can't give directions when we need them and talks to hear his own voice.
I also hate how my mom keeps walking in because my window has a view of the hail. I've decided to ignore her.
Has anyone else noticed that queer people just seem to gravitate to each other, even without knowing each others' sexualities?
My friendish thingy Aleksandra is pan, and her BFF is some variety of queer.
But more importantly, both my friends Katrina and Emily are pan/demi/bi (they're kind of fluid). Katrina came out first during conversation backstage at Puss in Boots today and Emily and I just kind of followed. It was nice to know I'm not alone, and have my secret out there so easily.
Sam's Easter post made me start thinking a little more about my own struggles with weight, and I though I'd write a little bit about them.
When I tell people about my weight problems they think I'm just trying to get attention, or that I have a mental problem. But I'm not--I really do have a problem, it's real, and I have to find a way to fix it.
You know, girls loving girls makes so much more sense to me. I don't know why. It seems pure somehow. Holy or something. Corny right? But it's true.
I've been working on a poem. I don't usually do that--work on writing. But I'm putting together these phrases into a letter to Girl. Girl is the one I'm waiting for. Now I sound schizo, but oh well.
Is it weird that I kind of like boys but I also feel like a lesbian? There's something nice about the word when I say it out loud. "I'm a lesbian." I'm terribly confused.