We've had another spat over high school. I want to take Italian and move back to Italy to home school, and spend my days wandering those deliciously silent streets of Venice. But Mom purses her lips and says that she won't "narrow my horizons" like that, that I'll get a better degree if I stay here. She says I have to see the "light at the end of the tunnel." I can see a light alright, but I might have to walk into it before the four years are up. She keeps talking about rights of passage and persevering. I just don't know if I can survive this.

I'm auditioning for Oliver! My mom found out that the local professional theatre is putting it on and auditions are really soon. All I have to do is learn one of the songs they provided and I could get the role of my dreams, the Artful Dodger! (Or the young female lead, the "rude yet flirtatious" Charlotte)
I've decided to go with Dodger's "Consider Yourself." My strength is belting, and the song is perfect for my range. I REALLY hope that I get the role. It would make my memories of this year much better. Plus, it could start me on the road to being the next Ethel Merman!

What does it mean when a girl you barely know says you look adorable? It was the day of silence & we were both wearing ribbons, and she came up to talk to a guy friend of mine while I was putting on my cold-weather garb. As I pulled on my hat she said, "You look adorable!" and I said "Thanks!" and ducked my head and ran away to get home and look in the mirror.
It's true, I did look adorable. ;)
But do straight girls often say things like that? We've never spoken before that. I'd definitely go out with her if she was interested, but how do I know based on so little field research?

I've snagged the best cast ever! My crush, as it turns out, loves Buffy & will be playing one of the lesbians. Hope against hope she comes out using the role...Also, I've filled the other roles with older kids who are starring in the current musical and stuff. The boy playing my romantic interest can even play guitar.
I'm so excited! I actually get to play Buffy! Outside of my shower! In front of people! My voice is perfect for the role and all the cool kids will be in it, which makes me one of them!
We have a FaceBook group and everything.

It's hailing so hard right now that my mom actually has a legit excuse not to take me out for milkshakes (the fact that we can't drive, not the temp. I can eat ice cream anywhere, any time).
I hope that means I don't have to go to school tomorrow. I hate school. I hate Mr. Richards, who can't give directions when we need them and talks to hear his own voice.
I also hate how my mom keeps walking in because my window has a view of the hail. I've decided to ignore her.

Has anyone else noticed that queer people just seem to gravitate to each other, even without knowing each others' sexualities?
My friendish thingy Aleksandra is pan, and her BFF is some variety of queer.
But more importantly, both my friends Katrina and Emily are pan/demi/bi (they're kind of fluid). Katrina came out first during conversation backstage at Puss in Boots today and Emily and I just kind of followed. It was nice to know I'm not alone, and have my secret out there so easily.

Sam's Easter post made me start thinking a little more about my own struggles with weight, and I though I'd write a little bit about them.
When I tell people about my weight problems they think I'm just trying to get attention, or that I have a mental problem. But I'm not--I really do have a problem, it's real, and I have to find a way to fix it.

You know, girls loving girls makes so much more sense to me. I don't know why. It seems pure somehow. Holy or something. Corny right? But it's true.
I've been working on a poem. I don't usually do that--work on writing. But I'm putting together these phrases into a letter to Girl. Girl is the one I'm waiting for. Now I sound schizo, but oh well.
Is it weird that I kind of like boys but I also feel like a lesbian? There's something nice about the word when I say it out loud. "I'm a lesbian." I'm terribly confused.

I just wrote, costumed, casted, filmed, and edited a movie in 72 hours. And that's over the course of three school nights.
Why, you might ask? I'll tell you why. Because my Mythological Figures composition presentation is going to be the standard by which all Mythological Figures composition presentation Mythological Figures composition presentations are graded. It is going to be the presentation that Mr. fucking Richards is going to talk about for the rest of his life. And it is going to get an indisputable A.

So I'm going to eat lunch w/ Lina. We've been talking a bunch on FB but I'm not really sure if she *likes* me or thinks I seem like a good friend...It would be helpful if I knew she was gay.
I'm dressing up anyway :)
I just got back from shopping in Portland.I got 3 new dresses: A floor-lengh Grecian-style dress w/ blue flowers on it; A shorter green dress w/ white embroidery at the hem; and a short black tunic w/ little white hearts on it. My new green blouse and vintage blue shoes arrived too.
Can you tell I like clothes? :) I think I'll wear the green dress to lunch tomorrow.

let's get it over with fast, there'll be a lot of these in the coming months I suspect.
Female. Blonde, delicate, pretty, brown eyes, came from California, find reasons to talk to me. Goes by the name of Lina.
I've offered to tutor her in Composition and she thinks I'm smart. I'm also helping her get a volunteer position this summer.
Next one.
Male. Blonde, lithe (no other word, really), quiet, I find reasons to talk to him. Named Sam.

I had yet another dream about being pregnant last night. I've been having them for a while and they've gotten more and more real every time. The first one was a month or so ago and very surreal, I was in my house and super pregnant, but it turned out that you can take out a baby and put it in the washer, and thus take a break from the pregnancy. I did but I forgot to put the babies back inside me and there ended up being a bunch of babies and tiny body parts poring out of my dryer, and I was hysterical, screaming for my mom to help me. It was terrifying.

It seems that I've got a hopeless crush, but I always was one big cliche. Her name is Annika and she's funny and pretty and she's super talented--she can sing so beautifully and she's an amazing actress...sigh.
In other news, I'm getting over a bad cold and I have to go to physical therapy now. Apparently I'm too thin so I don't have enough muscle to support my scoliosis-ridden back. Thank god for insurance, right? I'm hoping I can replace it with ballroom dancing classes soon.
Is anyone else watching The Neighbors? It's hilarious!

Last weekend I auditioned for early consideration for the Young Actors' Institute, one of the best acting programs in the state. It is super intensive and very exclusive--they only let in 25 people at most, and I am the absolute youngest end of the age range (21 being the oldest). I auditioned against 16 other people for early placement.
I'd been waiting ever since to find out if I was accepted, but no one called my contacts and I flubbed my monologue the second time I performed it.