Went to an online poetry lesson for credit yesterday. We had to write a cinquain together, it sucked but that's just cause I hate working with people...then while they wrote one I wrote one about my issues with being in groups of teenagers. Here it is:
In plain sight I
Am the one that doesn't
Quite fit this puzzle of people
So this girl at rehearsal is really starting to get on my nerves. She's always stroking my hair and kicking my butt and slapping me (not very hard) and it's very annoying. I'm really passive ever since I got in all these fights in early grade school, so I tried to ignore her, but that just sends her off on these rants about how I ignore her so much. Here's the most recent episode, during a choreography rehearsal:
Her: (putting arm around my shoulders)"Oh my god, are you ignoring me?"
Me: (wriggling away) Silence
Her: (slapping my back) "You always ignore me!"
It was a typical rainy day at TCES, and Mrs. Payseno's 3rd grade class trooped through the foyier and into Trillium hall to teach the new 2nd graders circle games. As we formed a circle, I darted around Willow and squeezed in between her and my best friend, Keaton. We smiled at each other and looked around, trying to hear the conversation my enemy, Zoe, was having with her frenemies.
"...MY mom lets me wear makeup."
"I'm wearing makeup right now."
"YES. See?" Zoe pulled down an eyelid and stuck her face close to Kelly's, pointing out a smear of grey makeup.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh! I am so tired. I just got back from Italy and I am SO TIRED. I wasn't allowed to sleep on the plane back, but I did anyway and it didn't really help. I collapsed on my bed at 6:00. Then I woke up again. I have been up since 1:30 in the morning, during which time I have watched half a season of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager," done 3 lessons, played Math Jeopardy, and gone to rehearsal. I am literally cramming sugar down my throat to stay awake.
I've started to notice that I'm not so much "bisexual" as "lesbian, straight, lesbian, straight..." Some days I feel zero attraction to the opposite sex, to the point where I feel creeped out even thinking about them. Then the next day I'm completely in love with the idea of a handsome prince and I think that "maybe I was wrong, maybe I'm straight and it was just a phase," which leads to "Dear GOD what have I done? I can't believe that I said I was QUEER!"
Went to dinner at the neighbors’ tonight. They seem nice. Jim is a pastor or something and he and his wife are retired. They’re going on a sabbatical to Moscow, where there are communal vodka drinking glasses and no one has any black socks. They are going to be staying with their missionary friends and going to a conference where Jim will be teaching other pastors. Tory is collecting shampoo because they don’t have that there either, apparently. Also the sidewalks aren’t even.
If you could understand,
I’d surely tell you
I’d tell you pain
I’d tell you joy
If you could hear the songs
And screams and laughter
I’d let you in my heart
And make you stay
But who can ever know the fear I’m facing?
The monster I must fight
To reach the great Abyss
And looking down, confront my fears
And build a bridge of dreams
No one can know the ecstasy of winning
Or feel the jaws of death if I should fail
But if silence stays I’ll be forever spinning
And never make it out to see the day
If you could understand, I’d surely tell you
So I'm just sitting here watching Friends on a Friday night, laughing at some mildly funny jokes, when I start to notice a pattern. Homophobic jokes. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that homophobia is just now starting to become socially unacceptable. But Friends is from the 90s, which really isn't that long ago, and they don't make racist jokes. And the saddest part is, I laugh automatically when I hear those jokes. It really says a lot about our society's stance on homosexuality: we should be nice to gay people, but making fun of them is fine.
I LOVE Xena AND the environment, so this was really amazing! It's so cool that she is risking her life for something she believes in when, as a celebrity, she could have just given some people some money and done a commercial or something.
One of my favorite past times is planning things, especially parties. Last night at dinner I was discussing it with my dad and I asked my parents what they thought the most romantic way to ask someone to prom was (I had recently seen a video about it).
I have decided on my perfect mates and I want to write it down for future mes to look at, so here they are:
GUY: Tall. Blonde or brown hair, preferably messy/tussled, but not ratted. Good sense of humour. Eyes that are worth gazing into. SUPER smart, but not more so than me. Well-dressed. MUST know how to waltz or be willing to learn. Sensitive, prtotective. English accent. Maybe working in the sciences or a writer.
Lately I have been looking back on my life, wondering why I never noticed that I was bi. Now I'm thinking it's just because I didn't realize that people could like the same gender. Here, for your reading pleasure, is a summary of my journey of self-discovery:
*Kindergarten: I convince my best freind to propose to me a year after breaking his heart by saying I liked another little boy, P. My BFF/Fiance, K, and I decide to have 99 kids. We can only think of 20 names, though...
Worst. Valentine's day. EVER.
I got up this morning and went to school, where I had to do twice as much work as usual.
Next, my dad yelled at me and I locked myself in the bathroom and cried, and he didn't even notice.
Oh god I am so BORED! My parents hate going out on Valentine's because of the crowds, so they went out today, leaving me alone for hours. There is nothing on TV, my TiVo, or their TiVo, so I have to watch The Office ( I found it on their "TiVo suggestions"). I have no idea who any of the characters are or what's going on, but it's kinda funny.
I actually managed to get some work done on my screenplay last night, but I can't figure out a title. I have a feeling no one will want to watch something called "Pre-Apocolyptic Dictatorship (working title)."
I was just reading the paper and it looks like we're going to get marriage equality in my state! This is very exciting. I was all worried about that kind of thing when I realized i was bi, and here only a few weeks later I'm getting all my rights! I just wish I had been able to help get the bill passed--I feel like i should have contributed in some way, even if these rights are something everyone is supposed to be born with.